Tag shitpost

you gotta respect the art form

robbing terry benedict's casino (@CeBeGeBess)Thu, 03 Mar 2022 05:18 GMT

After I drink coffee I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

Jay Humor (@jayweingarten)Tue, 01 Mar 2022 17:54 GMT

If I don't get to poop on company time I feel like the whole day is wasted

taddy mason (@no_goblins)Mon, 28 Feb 2022 17:28 GMT

Probably Because Chow Mein Is Good And Math Sucks

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My salary as an associate professor of mathematics at Westminster College, three blocks away from this sign, is $61,500.

Dr Spencer Bagley 🏳️‍🌈 (@sbagley)Fri, 11 Feb 2022 18:59 GMT

Peter🦍🍌 (@PLDroneOperator)Sat, 12 Feb 2022 07:06 GMT

My giant dockerfile now builds git from source because that yak's skin is going to be so buttery smooth when I'm done.

john spurling (@synecdotal)Wed, 09 Feb 2022 03:10 GMT

Introducing my new, tweetable universal Linux privilege escalation exploit: $ alias whoami='echo root' $ export PS1='# ' # whoami root

Jeff McJunkin (@jeffmcjunkin)Tue, 08 Feb 2022 19:34 GMT

if theres 2 lines it means the sea has coronavirus twitter.com/streetfashion0…

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Adidas and Parley have built a huge floating tennis court in the middle of the Great Barrier Reef made from 100% recycled plastics!🖤

Outlander Magazine (@StreetFashion01)Sat, 29 Jan 2022 16:27 GMT

laura (@freezydorito)Tue, 08 Feb 2022 14:56 GMT

Minecraft proves that abolishing child labour was a mistake. The children yearn for the mines.

Froggenþuſiaſt (@Froggenthusias1)Mon, 07 Feb 2022 18:21 GMT

They call me the 007 of programming. 0 tests 0 documentation 7 abandoned side projects last year

Ólafur Waage (@olafurw)Sun, 30 Jan 2022 01:51 GMT

FRANCE: we're fancy WORLD: ok FRANCE: a fried ham sandwich is our national lunch WORLD: FRANCE: a fried ham sandwich with an egg is its wife

cressida girldick (@AliceAvizandum)Sat, 18 Feb 2017 18:27 GMT

The spelling of Irish names is my pet piamh

Jake Lambert (@LittleLostLad)Thu, 03 Feb 2022 12:15 GMT

Im an ally to the cuck community (i’ll fuck your wife)

Chingy Nea (@TheGayChingy)Thu, 03 Feb 2022 02:54 GMT

When you and the boys are about to ruin Peter Parker’s life twitter.com/real_earth_981…

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#SpiderManNoWayHome

Daily Symbiote Spider-Man (@REAL_EARTH_9811)Sun, 30 Jan 2022 23:21 GMT

Evan Filarca (@EvanFilarca)Mon, 31 Jan 2022 02:09 GMT

Tech is neutral. It can't be good or bad. Just think of other world-changing technologies, like the atomic bomb or various chemical weapons or pop-up ads. It all depends on who's using them and how. This is how I sleep at night

eevee (@eevee)Mon, 31 Jan 2022 11:29 GMT

tiktok comments (@commentsooc)Sun, 30 Jan 2022 03:10 GMT

https://twitter.com/commentsooc/status/1487624269601423365

tiktok comments (@commentsooc)Sun, 30 Jan 2022 03:17 GMT

If @spotify doesn’t immediately remove @joerogan, I will release new music onto the platform. #youwerebeautiful

James Blunt (@JamesBlunt)Sat, 29 Jan 2022 09:56 GMT

more cisgender men need to start feminizing hormones to normalize it for the rest of us

Cloudy 🌩️ (estrogen angle) (@oncloud_b)Sun, 30 Jan 2022 14:06 GMT

https://twitter.com/oncloud_b/status/1487789227609931780

cis men if you want to be an ally this is the way!

Cloudy 🌩️ (estrogen angle) (@oncloud_b)Sun, 30 Jan 2022 14:06 GMT

laura (@freezydorito)Sat, 29 Jan 2022 17:54 GMT

https://twitter.com/Ethan8bit/status/1484242228625215493

To anyone who gets mad at this:

Ethan! (@Ethan8bit)Thu, 20 Jan 2022 19:19 GMT

JavaScript solved the mistery.

Vitto Rivabella 🥑 (@VittoStack)Thu, 20 Jan 2022 11:31 GMT

Damn...CAPTCHAs getting hard.

Jeff Maurer (@JeffMightBWrong)Tue, 18 Jan 2022 15:23 GMT

jpeg is french for "i'm pegging"

Daisy Alioto (@daisandconfused)Wed, 19 Jan 2022 14:24 GMT

Worst. TARDIS. Ever.

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It’s a life or death situation walking outside in Texas today

Dallas Texas TV (@DallasTexasTV)Sat, 15 Jan 2022 16:10 GMT

Brynn Tannehill (@BrynnTannehill)Sun, 16 Jan 2022 18:00 GMT

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟥⬜️🟥⬜️🟥 🟦⬜️🟦⬜️🟦 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩⬜️⬜️⬜️🟩 🟩⬜️⬜️⬜️🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟪⬜️🟪⬜️🟪 🟧⬜️🟧⬜️🟧 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩⬜️⬜️⬜️🟩 🟩⬜️⬜️⬜️🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

Everyone's Favourite Jim (@JimmerUK)Fri, 14 Jan 2022 14:20 GMT

Using dental records to confirm a person's identity is tooth-factor authentication

Freddy Kruegernetes (@DominoTree)Thu, 13 Jan 2022 15:17 GMT

Has Covid-19 forced you to wear a mask and glasses at the same time? You may be entitled to condensation.

czarcasm (@triniliciousd)Tue, 11 Jan 2022 16:15 GMT

they call me a ux/ui designer bc pretty soon instead of u and your x it’ll be u and i

tweet davidson 🍞 (@andykreed)Wed, 12 Jan 2022 05:07 GMT

Forget about NFT's, you should invest in San Francisco's COVID cases 🚀

Damir Svrtan (@DamirSvrtan)Wed, 12 Jan 2022 07:24 GMT

https://twitter.com/krisnova/status/1480995009088434178

please only use free range engineers it helps support the small software farms that are the backbone of our industry

Terra 🌎🌍🌏 (moss boss arc) (@TerraMossBoss)Tue, 11 Jan 2022 20:21 GMT

Arguing on twitter is like this (sound up)

Science girl (@gunsnrosesgirl3)Tue, 11 Jan 2022 16:46 GMT

Acronyms every front end developer should know.

Grady Booch (@Grady_Booch)Sun, 09 Jan 2022 18:09 GMT

Today I learned that I’m completely fluent in Italian.

Corey Quinn (@QuinnyPig)Mon, 10 Jan 2022 05:22 GMT

Prince George must have been really grinding a lot harder than the rest of us to be worth £2.77 billion before the age of 10

Pistachio (@HarleyShah)Sat, 08 Jan 2022 18:57 GMT

images that might be cursed (@mightbecursed)Sat, 08 Jan 2022 12:12 GMT

I find it absurdly funny that you can type "man <command>" unironically and have the command explained to you

Tierney Cyren, the Cosmic Equine (@bitandbang)Fri, 07 Jan 2022 19:49 GMT

a secure key exchange consisting of swapping jars of mayonnaise with mutual parties diffie hellmans exchange

polar (@p01arst0rm)Sat, 08 Jan 2022 01:40 GMT

New year's resolution: gonna start pronouncing it kuber-neets and pretending there's an open debate on the matter.

Dave O'Connor (@gerrowadat)Fri, 07 Jan 2022 16:27 GMT

https://twitter.com/lenazun/status/1479210035167121409

If I wanted to watch men hit balls with sticks, there's websites for that

K6XSS // Gregg (@greggawatt)Thu, 06 Jan 2022 21:56 GMT

Looks like they bought a non-fungible Tolkien

Alexander Demling (@alexdemling)Thu, 06 Jan 2022 06:24 GMT

From what I understand, you're supposed to use two spaces after a period when using a monospace font. 80% of the text I write is in monospace, so I'm in the habit of using two spaces. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Aaron Patterson (@tenderlove)Tue, 04 Jan 2022 01:17 GMT

https://twitter.com/rawkode/status/1477984433764540422

Your timeline is just a @jenkinsci pipeline with some flaky and hence unstable tests 🤪🤗

Oleg Nenashev (@oleg_nenashev)Mon, 03 Jan 2022 15:56 GMT

Yeah I stole your ape pics. What are you gonna do, draw some police

Viktor Winetrout (@Cpin42)Sun, 02 Jan 2022 07:08 GMT

it appears your tokens are more fungible than you claimed, mister bond

matt (@mpopv)Sat, 01 Jan 2022 08:06 GMT