Tag satire

Please, let me monetize my hobbies. After all, what’s the point of doing something purely for fun when I could be making money off it? Please, let me turn my relaxing gaming sessions into hig…

Today I saw a pussy that didn’t look exactly like mine. Here’s why I think people should die about it 🧵(1/67)

big honkin caboose (@itsmegangraves)Sun, 26 Mar 2023 16:11 +0000

John Wiswell (@Wiswell)Fri, 28 Oct 2022 01:41 +0000

New kubernetes just dropped, nobody allowed to delete containers out of respect for two-thousand year old fanfic

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I have prayed for this for so long, it's hard to believe Roe was finally overturned. This should spur on our efforts to support and care for women and families tempted to see abortion as their best or only option, to point them to the truth.

Jordan Liggitt (@liggitt)Sat, 25 Jun 2022 16:43 +0000

cube drone (@cube_drone)Sun, 26 Jun 2022 03:08 +0000

My house is a tip… I blame the homeowner who lived here 12 years ago

Marina Purkiss (@MarinaPurkiss)Tue, 21 Jun 2022 09:40 +0000

Good news: Lung cancer rates are down. You can now smoke indoors again, and purchase cigarettes without age restriction. It’s important that we put the lung cancer crisis behind us, and return to normal!

Dr Jonathan Douglas PhD CPsych (@JonathanCOnP)Sat, 11 Jun 2022 12:46 +0000

Tech CEOs wanting to go back to the office.

Job (@Jobvo)Wed, 23 Feb 2022 15:28 GMT

Since I’m now outdated and obsolete, here are some baby photos to prove how happy my baby is and how successful I am as a mom since, you know, I can’t be a programmer anymore 💁‍♀️

Emma Bostian (@EmmaBostian)Sun, 22 May 2022 05:26 +0000

"One of the Joker's goons revealed to me his plans to poison Gotham's water supply three days before the attack happened. In my new book Behind The Gotham Disaster, I give you inside access to what the Clown Prince of Crime was planning for the first time."

Oliver Willis (@owillis)Mon, 02 May 2022 13:19 +0000

Already trying to delete this.

Charlie Loyd (@vruba)Tue, 19 Apr 2022 01:46 +0000

will smith really doesnt like onions xox

Chris (Simpsons artist) (@getbentsaggy)Mon, 28 Mar 2022 15:27 +0000

https://twitter.com/PoIitics4All/status/1507395503432122369

J.K. Rowling Rowling’s monthly tirade against trans people led to a devastating cancellation forcing J.K. to survive off her £800 million fortune & continuing book revenue.

Politics For All (@PoIitics4All)Fri, 25 Mar 2022 16:36 GMT

It can be strange, sometimes, to be me. I’m the wealthiest man on the planet, for starters. Leaders across America, and indeed the world, look to me as a visionary driving technological progress in areas from transportation, to communication, to becoming a multi-planetary species. The kinds of projects I’m involved in…

LOL. Oh no the Linux source code was leaked 😡😭 reddit.com/r/linuxmasterr…

nixCraft (@nixcraft)Fri, 25 Mar 2022 08:31 GMT

can't believe the nerve of some people

amy nguyen (@amyngyn)Thu, 03 Mar 2022 18:57 GMT

oh no

Luke (@lukekarrys)Mon, 31 Jan 2022 23:24 GMT

Train firms to provide free access to mindfulness apps in effort to lure commuters back, giving workers a tough choice between £130 for 90 minutes of whale sounds or just staying at home for free.

Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews)Thu, 27 Jan 2022 12:28 GMT

Open Source Guy Open to Absolutely Anything Other Than What You’re Telling Him

ReductRs (@reduct_rs)Mon, 29 Nov 2021 20:57 GMT

Literally 15 years ago

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EXCLUSIVE: Biden’s inaugural committee will mark the first anniversary in office by blanketing airwaves with a Tom Hanks-narrated video promoting a recovering, resilient America. axios.com/biden-one-year…

Axios (@axios)Thu, 20 Jan 2022 12:58 GMT

Guy Tweet Haver (@thetweethaver)Thu, 20 Jan 2022 15:48 GMT

I think it rules that there are like 6 companies total now

50 tweet thread about the PBS DragonTales PsyOp (@Boringstein)Tue, 18 Jan 2022 15:46 GMT

Wonderful to see @RosieisaHolt uniting our bitterly divided political classes 😂😂😂

tom jamieson (@jamiesont)Wed, 12 Jan 2022 11:50 GMT

“remote work is bad for your career” you know what else is bad for your career? getting covid and dying

sam (@SamAllenX)Sat, 08 Jan 2022 23:42 GMT

twitter lately kind of like

the roughest toughest frail (@em_aytch)Wed, 05 Jan 2022 02:26 GMT

The CDC expected him to return to work after 5 days twitter.com/thefigen/statu…

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Armor of a soldier wounded by a cannonball at the battle of Waterloo in 1815.

Figen (@TheFigen)Mon, 03 Jan 2022 19:39 GMT

Extremily Gorcenski (@EmilyGorcenski)Tue, 04 Jan 2022 15:38 GMT

Italy has an honours system where they dish out medals of the Order of the Roman Empire Only joking That would be ridiculous

Marina Purkiss (@MarinaPurkiss)Sat, 01 Jan 2022 19:56 GMT

Planet of the Apes (1968, dir. Franklin J. Schaffner) - what an ending!

Alex (@geewhiz_wow)Thu, 30 Dec 2021 21:00 GMT

me the biden administration 🤝 I give up

ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl)Tue, 28 Dec 2021 01:38 GMT

Biden_No_Federal_Solution.mp4

Isaac (@GalaxyPeaBrain)Tue, 28 Dec 2021 17:37 GMT

Webb is barely deployed to space and people are already talking about webb3

André Staltz (@andrestaltz)Sat, 25 Dec 2021 20:07 GMT

the funniest part of the 2011 comedy "Contagion" is when they invent a lifesaving vaccine at the end, and then everyone takes the vaccine. hahahaha fantastic writing

Rob DenBleyker (@RobDenBleyker)Tue, 21 Dec 2021 20:01 GMT

“We are keeping an eye on all the people being eaten by sharks and won’t hesitate to take further action”

David Schneider (@davidschneider)Mon, 20 Dec 2021 18:12 GMT

Joe Wicks starting to limber up menacingly

Joe Barton (@JoeBarton_)Wed, 15 Dec 2021 17:37 GMT

Some said an open-world experience this immersive wasn’t possible. But it’s already here. And you don’t even need silly VR headsets. Introducing, ✨Icelandverse✨ #icelandverse

Inspired by Iceland (@iceland)Thu, 11 Nov 2021 11:23 GMT

Sci-Fi Author: In my book I invented the Torment Nexus as a cautionary tale Tech Company: At long last, we have created the Torment Nexus from classic sci-fi novel Don't Create The Torment Nexus

Alex Blechman (@AlexBlechman)Mon, 08 Nov 2021 22:49 GMT

Chris Pratt won't see your mean jokes, but one of your friends who is voiced by Chris Pratt will

Luke (@LloBrow)Fri, 05 Nov 2021 13:58 GMT

Most people who make fun of eating tide pods - Eat zero tide pods - Have never prepared a tide pod meal - Have never met tide pod chefs - Have never puked up a tide pod - Aren't "tide pod connoisseurs" - Have won no tide pod eating contests - Missed out on drinking bleach

Kyle Pflug (@kylealden)Mon, 27 Sep 2021 20:27 +0000

Hannah 'Recall Wheeler' Kolbeck 🏳️‍⚧️ (@hbeckpdx)Thu, 19 Aug 2021 20:28 +0000

"yeah I worked 90 hours a week, destroyed my marriage, and didn't watch my kids grow up but hey we shipped an important product" "ah well at least you're rich now" "oh no, no no no, but i have the satisfaction of having made other people rich" completely deranged

Kat Cosgrove (@Dixie3Flatline)Sun, 15 Aug 2021 16:04 +0000

💀💀💀

Jana ''Trash Monster'' Hall - ON FRIDGE DUTY (@ugobananas)Tue, 10 Aug 2021 17:25 +0000

https://twitter.com/CBSNews/status/1420997645347217409

Fresh Prince of Indiana (@SmoothHoosier)Fri, 30 Jul 2021 16:31 +0000

The Cleveland “Guardians”

Brent in Cleveland 7.29 (@BrentTerhune)Fri, 23 Jul 2021 19:08 +0000

when your ex needs to go to space about it, you won the divorce

mothman festival queen (@amyis_trying)Tue, 20 Jul 2021 06:24 +0000

Had a great first day on the HBO Max team! Good on ramp, with a few test PRs to get me started. Now to take a big sip of coffee and see what everyone’s tweeting about

Harshil (@harshil)Fri, 18 Jun 2021 01:29 +0000

DC Animated (@DC_Animated)Tue, 15 Jun 2021 01:20 +0000

Unpopular opinion: <some absolute bollocks opinion by some tech industry schlub, completely disconnected with the real world>

Andy Bell (@piccalilli_)Sun, 13 Jun 2021 07:09 +0000