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AYOOOOOOO LMFAOOOOOOOO I'm DYING

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Man’s Halloween decor so gruesome cops are called several times bit.ly/2TtAxRV

Orlando Sentinel (@orlandosentinel)Tue, 27 Oct 2020 20:04 GMT

jacky is on a break - DMs only (@jackyalcine)Wed, 28 Oct 2020 21:44 GMT

Classical Studies Screams for Halloweenistic Teens (@CSMFHT)Wed, 28 Oct 2020 21:42 GMT

9 year old me staring at the windows media player for hours

AM 🧻 (@Abdulmir19)Tue, 27 Oct 2020 16:48 GMT

This is a brutal quip at the end of a news report by @BBCSimonMcCoy

Scott Bryan (@scottygb)Wed, 28 Oct 2020 15:37 GMT

"You don't get credit for turning on a new system until you turn off the old one"

Kris Nóvagghh!! 👻 (@krisnova)Wed, 28 Oct 2020 15:16 GMT

The emotional rollercoaster of being an internet hate figure

Andrew Seward (@MrAndrew)Wed, 28 Oct 2020 10:34 GMT

https://twitter.com/JamieTanna/status/1321219196282376192

morph appreciation over 9000! 🥺✨

rizwana akmal khan (@rizbizkits)Tue, 27 Oct 2020 22:41 GMT

After 2 weeks of multiple health screens and asking everyone to quarantine, I surprised my closest inner circle with a trip to a private island where we could pretend things were normal just for a brief moment in time.

The Expanse (@ExpanseOnPrime)Tue, 27 Oct 2020 21:13 GMT

This was a lovely notification! Thank you to the folks at @fbOpenSource ⭐️ I *wish* that I hosted @inspirefigures every week, but unfortunately, I only host it once every month (for now!)😊 #inspiringfigures #womenintech

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🏅Community member spotlight🏅 Pauline (@paulienuh) is an #OpenSource champion, and the host of the amazing series @inspirefigures. Each week, she has inspiring conversations with people you should really know about. 👇 Watch, read, subscribe 👇 inspiringfigures.co

Facebook Open Source (@fbOpenSource)Tue, 27 Oct 2020 16:39 GMT

Pauline P. Narvas➖pawlean.com (@paulienuh)Tue, 27 Oct 2020 16:42 GMT

A white woman got a promotion with only 3 years experience, we fixed the job gap everyone

malice ghoulpus (@alicegoldfuss)Tue, 27 Oct 2020 01:33 GMT

https://twitter.com/ambrwlsn90/status/1321011122519105537

Andy Bell (@hankchizljaw)Tue, 27 Oct 2020 20:24 GMT

https://twitter.com/KimKardashian/status/1321151224889151490

Hi Poors! I know you're hurting right now and can't figure out how you're going to feed your family, but please enjoy these photos of my family's expensive vacation! I know I'm lucky to be so fabulously wealthy so I'll make mention of it to sound sympathetic (I'm really not tho).

🌴breathe in, breathe out, move on🌞 (@tropicalsoul)Tue, 27 Oct 2020 19:33 GMT

https://twitter.com/edent/status/1321157370752499715

I would like a refund on my fortune cookie please! 🥠

Terence Eden (@edent)Tue, 27 Oct 2020 20:14 GMT

People who say “Can you put in a meeting and invite...” You typed the message now open the 🤬 calendar.

Kara Radcliffe (@Karvarad)Tue, 27 Oct 2020 14:22 GMT

It's National #Stress Awareness Week next week. I found this out from an email from the @StressMgtSoc, which I did not sign up to. And it's making me stressed.

Rachel Morgan-Trimmer (@SparkleClass)Tue, 27 Oct 2020 14:06 GMT

4yr ago I found out black cats were not wanted. Why? I had a home to offer and found an abandoned black kitten with @CatsProtection She was timid & scared. Lune is now the sweetest natured beautiful cat ever & is best pals with my 3yr old daughter #BlackCatDay

Tim Dawson 🇪🇺 (@doctpd)Tue, 27 Oct 2020 09:44 GMT

Someone in my neighborhood group shared these photos of the cake someone ordered and what they ended up with. It seems to match the year we’re all having so I wanted to share it with you.

Michelle Bhasin (@michellebhasin)Mon, 26 Oct 2020 03:32 GMT

It's simple: for as long as tech turns a blind eye to white supremacists it is a comfortable place for them to exist and they will continue to thrive. It should be the opposite. Do better. De-platform hate.

Andy Bell (@hankchizljaw)Mon, 26 Oct 2020 12:42 GMT

who in the hell called it The Law of Diminishing Returns and not More's Law

Gary Bernhardt (@garybernhardt)Mon, 26 Oct 2020 22:12 GMT

Lot's of exciting (terrifying) change is occurring at the moment including starting a new job and role next year! Looking forward to a new challenge and the many new things to learn. (More details to come later)

Jessica White 🦎 (@JessPWhite)Mon, 26 Oct 2020 18:37 GMT

Top 5 regrets of dying people: Wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. Wish I hadn’t worked so hard. Wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. Wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Wish I had let myself be happier.

Holly Brockwell (@holly)Mon, 26 Oct 2020 12:31 GMT

https://twitter.com/jackyalcine/status/1320480857837060096

Agh, wtf, I actually feel like I shouldn't like this show anymore lol

jacky. (@jackyalcine)Mon, 26 Oct 2020 03:30 GMT

WholesomeMemes (@WholesomeMeme)Mon, 26 Oct 2020 03:00 GMT

I like The Boys so much lol

jacky. (@jackyalcine)Sun, 25 Oct 2020 20:07 GMT

Not long now until Britain loses its mind at how dark it is.

VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish)Sun, 25 Oct 2020 14:55 GMT

It's Ezra's first birthday! He's my service dog in training and he is so so special. This will be the thread to recap the past year. #HappyBirthdayEzra is the tag to mute if you're not interested! 🎂🥳

moriah 👻 (@moriahmaney)Sun, 25 Oct 2020 19:08 GMT

we r watching 2012 the disaster movie and i just think it’s so funny the way this movie thought western governments would have a 3-6 month head start in knowing of an impending catastrophe and would actually prepare for it

feral pumpkin (@freezydorito)Sun, 25 Oct 2020 15:08 GMT

Haven’t we done enough damage in 2020?

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Russian scientists defrosted several prehistoric worms, and two woke up. After thawing, the two worms began to move and eat. One is 32,000 years old and the other 41,700 years old.

Strange and Amazing Facts (@StrangeFactoid)Fri, 23 Oct 2020 22:50 +0000

Kelly Vaughn 🐞 (@kvlly)Sun, 25 Oct 2020 17:09 GMT

back in 2014, Happy by Pharrell spent 10 weeks at number one. could u imagine if he dropped that song now?? He would get 3 streams and a cease and desist letter from society

first-mate prance (@bocxtop)Sat, 27 Jun 2020 14:23 +0000

https://twitter.com/lrvick/status/1319910988855070720

Hey @GitHub. Remember that security bug where anyone can attach commits to repos they don't control? That bug you said you wont fix? It was used to attach the "youtube-dl" source code to your own DMCA repo. Have fun @DMCA. You two deserve each other. github.com/github/dmca/tr…

Lance R. Vick ( @lrvick@mastodon.social ) (@lrvick)Sun, 25 Oct 2020 06:10 GMT

"I'm in this photo and I don't like it."

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Me: I have high cholesterol? How can that be? I'm vegan! My vegan diet:

Holly Clarke (@HollyClarke)Sat, 24 Oct 2020 16:09 +0000

Terence Eden (@edent)Sat, 24 Oct 2020 16:24 +0000

The real test of the UK is whether by Election 2024, we all forget the Tories caused the most excess deaths in Europe, gave the top grades to private school kids, starved poor kids while their parents were out of work, blew £millions on dodgy contracts and left the North to rot.

Femi (@Femi_Sorry)Sun, 25 Oct 2020 08:00 GMT