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I’ve realised why the UK Government’s handling of the Covid-19 crisis has so unsettled me. It’s because, rather than approach the crisis as an existential threat to our people and our way of life, they’re treating it like they’re contestants on The Apprentice. Bear with me here…

Tony McKelvie (@TonyMcKelvie)Tue, 05 May 2020 11:38 +0000

ChefConf 2019 staff shirt.

Socially Distant DevOps (@lnxchk)Thu, 07 May 2020 13:10 +0000

https://twitter.com/halvarflake/status/1258161778770542594

Because I'm the world's greatest Cloud Economist, I'd like to point out that changing the .json to .csv at the end of that link shaves 300MB off of the file size. MY WORK IS DONE

Corey Quinn (@QuinnyPig)Thu, 07 May 2020 00:37 +0000

https://twitter.com/AdamSB___/status/1257636448326627328

i for one am sick of completely forced, arbitrary straight characters. it's unrealistic for that many characters to be straight

eine kleine turtmusik (@wehpudicabok)Wed, 06 May 2020 01:59 +0000

https://twitter.com/AdamSB___/status/1257636448326627328

so straight characters are normal but gay characters are unnecessary? the whole point of representation is to normalize it because being gay is normal and so it isn't unnecessary, its important and is no less "necessary" than straight characters

chelsea 🕊️ (@femmenart)Tue, 05 May 2020 16:49 +0000

By the time I’d finished university, I’d lost two of my closest friends. Other friends had mourned parents, siblings, a partner. Columnists think everyone’s lives are the untroubled journey from Hampstead to home ownership just because theirs were? Get out of it.

Ash Sarkar (@AyoCaesar)Thu, 07 May 2020 07:53 +0000

Ha! I'm totally taking credit for this 😂 shkspr.mobi/blog/2020/02/g…

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FI-NA-LLY androidpolice.com/2020/05/06/goo…

Holly Brockwell (@holly)Thu, 07 May 2020 12:56 +0000

Terence Eden (@edent)Thu, 07 May 2020 13:03 +0000

@MrsEmma 🐱🖤 look at dis lil cat in the cup 😭

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This is what every single day of 2020 has felt like.

✨Lys ✨ (@WhimsyDesigns)Wed, 06 May 2020 20:50 +0000

riz (@rizbizkits)Thu, 07 May 2020 12:20 +0000

Tonight 👇🎉✨ Whether you've been before or not, you're totally welcome 🥰 P.S our new #WiTNotts marketing strategy is pictures of me looking a bit silly 😅

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📢 TODAY IS THE DAY!!!! Join us tonight 6.30pm online!! @SparkleClass is talking being different and #neurodiversity then we're going to play some games! Here's some clues for what you can expect 😂🎉✨ All the details 👉 nott.tech/wit-may

Women In Tech, Nottingham 🌈✨ (@WiT_Notts)Thu, 07 May 2020 07:09 +0000

Anna 🏠 (@anna_hax)Thu, 07 May 2020 11:58 +0000

This made me laugh so much last night that I nearly had an asthma attack. The ending is *gold*.

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I LOVE spending time chatting with new friends 👍

Sir Michael (@Michael1979)Wed, 06 May 2020 19:59 +0000

Emma Seward (@MrsEmma)Thu, 07 May 2020 09:48 +0000

https://twitter.com/holly/status/1258149772676009999

Speaking of misguided splains, this one earlier was peak Twitter

Holly Brockwell (@holly)Wed, 06 May 2020 21:44 +0000

https://twitter.com/mholt6/status/1258116249285869568

Good thing DNS is a distributed system and we can configure multiple, independent nameservers with sufficient resiliency. Nah j/k, let’s all point to 8.8.8.8

Mattias Geniar (@mattiasgeniar)Wed, 06 May 2020 19:59 +0000

https://twitter.com/Marcus_Noble_/status/1258107132077113344

🤣🤣🤣 Tomorrow: a cake within a cake within a cake, with a single malteser at its core.

Emma Seward (@MrsEmma)Wed, 06 May 2020 18:55 +0000

https://twitter.com/MrsEmma/status/1258022699852578818

Am so glad she was too busy talking about herself to ask what I'd achieved because I'd have to then admit that today I put sliced banana and biscoff spread between two pieces of bread and essentially created the banoffee pie sandwich 😐

Emma Seward (@MrsEmma)Wed, 06 May 2020 13:17 +0000

I wish I had this level of confidence. Of style. Of sophistication. In real life...

Richard Davies (@rwdrich)Wed, 06 May 2020 19:40 +0000

I think it should be mandatory for at least one pet to always be in online calls. Fed up of my calls being 100% human...

Richard Davies (@rwdrich)Wed, 06 May 2020 15:50 +0000

I keep coming across podcasts and articles where people mention my blog post I wrote last year on performance and continue to be absolutely humbled by it. To think I almost didn't post that because of imposter syndrome.

Stephanie Stimac 🔮 Casting Spells (@seaotta)Tue, 05 May 2020 20:37 +0000

When someone you've always rated uses one of your side projects and it kind of makes your morning 😍

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Going live on 🍕🍍twitch🍍🍕to work on the Slack standup bot w/ @AzureFunctions and @VisualStudioMac 🍕 Switching to Slack.NetStandard library 🍍Sending standup reports to team 🍕 Maybe saving form data 🍍Alternating between tabs and spaces twitch.tv/jongalloway

Jon Galloway (@jongalloway)Wed, 06 May 2020 04:26 +0000

Steven Pears (@StevenPears)Wed, 06 May 2020 07:32 +0000

SOLID code? no, my code is LIQUID: Low In Quality, Unrivaled In Despair

Katerina Borodina 🦄 (@ctrlshifti)Mon, 04 May 2020 12:43 +0000

https://twitter.com/rizbizkits/status/1257808192979025926

condescending behavior like that being so casual in 2020 is both really infuriating and super unsurprising 😤

riz (@rizbizkits)Tue, 05 May 2020 23:08 +0000

When she was nine years old, Loba Andrade witnessed her parents’ murders at the hands of the simulacrum Revenant. Now, her parents’ seemingly immortal killer has re-emerged, and she’s looking for a way to take the one thing that’s always been out of her reach: revenge.

Apex Legends (@PlayApex)Tue, 05 May 2020 17:04 +0000

it's just so draining that the plan is 2-3k deaths indefinitely where other high-income countries have kicked this. not the worst case scenario, the *plan*

Christopher Hooks (@cd_hooks)Mon, 04 May 2020 23:32 +0000

You haven't responded to my last 8 emails, but just checking in again to see if you're interested in my services? I don't really know how to catch a hint so I'm going to continue to pop into your inbox.

Kelly Vaughn 🐞 (@kvlly)Tue, 05 May 2020 18:06 +0000

The best thing about Twitter is you can ask people to show you their pets and they do. Then if you tell them to give the pets treats or pet them, they often comply and send photos of their compliance. This is the power I have always craved.

Jessica Rose (@jesslynnrose)Tue, 05 May 2020 20:24 +0000

Katsu Dinosaurs.

Disgruntled Ferret (@PeevedFerret)Tue, 05 May 2020 17:17 +0000

https://twitter.com/holly/status/1257681682230120451

Also he said he understands it with a dog or cat, but outright said he thought I was mad for paying for the chemotherapy that saved Maud (cat)'s life. Babies don't appeal to me but I don't go round saying "why are you so worried, it's just a kid" because, you know, empathy?

Holly Brockwell (@holly)Tue, 05 May 2020 14:44 +0000

please rethink this john

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WWE's John Cena surprises Make-A-Wish 7-year-old with cancer trib.al/SxX9dAm

New York Post (@nypost)Mon, 04 May 2020 21:59 +0000

Emma Berquist (@eeberquist)Tue, 05 May 2020 00:42 +0000

How differently would men see themselves if as boys they grew up with movies featuring them like this. 🤔 [via @reddit]

𝕨𝕒𝕤𝕙 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕤 🧼 (@ziyatong)Mon, 04 May 2020 23:05 +0000

Next week we're super excited to welcome @annashipman and her talk - After the launch: the difficult teenage years 🎉✨ Join us for the ONLINE experience of #TechNott this Monday at 6.30pm 👉 nott.tech/tn-may

Tech Nottingham (@technottingham)Tue, 05 May 2020 07:20 +0000

GOV.​UK Notify has just sent its 1 billionth message... 🥳💥 Our little team has come a hell of a long way in less than 4 years. From a fledgling startup inside government, scrapping for funding - to a thriving business, critical to the entire public sector. An amazing team 🙌🏼

Pete Herlihy (@yahoo_pete)Tue, 05 May 2020 16:01 +0000

"May the Fourth" is really exciting this year because it's the first time I've known what day it is in the last two months.

Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome)Tue, 05 May 2020 00:37 +0000

out of context brooklyn nine nine🏳️‍🌈 (@nocontxt99)Tue, 05 May 2020 18:41 +0000

I will respectfully challenge the Government - I want our country to succeed. However, I will not 'watch my tone' when dozens of NHS and care staff are dying unnecessarily. A clip of my Q to the Health Sec today.

Dr Rosena Allin-Khan (@DrRosena)Tue, 05 May 2020 12:13 +0000

https://twitter.com/ChrissieGrech/status/1257652042467811332

Lay off our government ! Can’t you see they’re working night and day, straining every sinew, pulling out all the stops to prevent nurses reporting what’s really happening.

Stop The Cull (@SydBolton11)Tue, 05 May 2020 13:05 +0000

最近流行のトリ作ってみた笑 #PartyParrot

おみょ (@omyopoja)Sat, 02 May 2020 09:47 +0000

That's it. It's done. I guess I'm officially a computer scientist now?👩‍💻 🎉 #WomenInTech #WomenInSTEM #ComputerScience (I'm aware the text is backwards🤦‍♀️)

Elle Townsend✨ (@_elletownsend)Tue, 05 May 2020 17:27 +0000

PSA: This Friday is a Bank Holiday in the UK This Public Service Announcement has been funded by The Society of I Had No Idea Until 5mins Ago

Stevie Buckley (@StevieBuckley)Tue, 05 May 2020 16:52 +0000

looking back on it, it's even funnier how those celebrities decided it was time to sing us that "Imagine" montage after being stuck inside for like 36 hours

Django Gold (@django)Tue, 05 May 2020 01:51 +0000

i'm happy to announce our problems are over

whitequark (@whitequark)Tue, 05 May 2020 04:22 +0000

Arrays are nicer API than objects because you don’t need to hold Shift

Dan Abramov (@dan_abramov)Tue, 05 May 2020 02:43 +0000

I can’t believe I sold all of my belongings and left my dream house in Los Angeles to travel Europe in 2020 and now for six months I’ll be stuck in Blackpool, England

Stevie 🔮 (@stevieboebi)Mon, 04 May 2020 21:48 +0000

C++ is an interpreted language. Every compiler interprets the standard differently.

Wako 👁️ (@wakomeup)Mon, 04 May 2020 13:22 +0000

this is peak humour i will not hear any different.

✮ holly (@hdebeaufort)Mon, 04 May 2020 14:28 +0000

😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀pain😀😀 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 😀😀😀so much pain😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 (@emmuruh)Mon, 04 May 2020 17:54 +0000