Kind likes

My pettiness level: Got told to fuck off by the Mum of the family in Greggs who were stood right up my arse when I politely asked if they could stand back a couple of meters. As a result I was forced to buy the last slice of pizza that their son said he wanted & he cried.

Fromage a trois (@Paul_Hawkins83)Wed, 26 Aug 2020 11:47 +0000

"We hire the best and the brightest engineers!" Now then, to get the job you'll be graded on a series of skills that will not be touched upon ever again for your entire tenure here; some of our interview questions technically qualify as hazing.

HydroxyCoreyQuinn (@QuinnyPig)Wed, 26 Aug 2020 18:46 +0000

If I built software I would simply make every user happy at once, maintain multiple versions of everything, let users roll back to older versions, never ship any bugs, and be feature complete from the get-go but maybe that's just me

Emily Kager (@EmilyKager)Wed, 26 Aug 2020 19:57 +0000

I refuse to be easily impressed by swa.... OMG is that a mug that Netlify sent me?! instagr.am/p/CEWzUoOJ8GB/

Cristiano Betta (@cbetta)Wed, 26 Aug 2020 14:52 +0000

I chose the name "Daybridge" for the new company because it's easy to spell, pronounced as it's written, can be spelled unambiguously, and the .com was available to buy. I think these are way more important than people realise when naming a new startup.

Kieran McHugh (@kieranmch)Tue, 25 Aug 2020 19:01 +0000

STAR WARS OF ANCIENT GREECE.

The Classics Library (@StephenJenkin)Tue, 25 Aug 2020 21:54 +0000

Wikipedia just alerted me that an edit made from my IP address was been reverted by a bot, which was surprising, so I looked into it, and now I need to have a whole new kind of discussion with my children.

Paul Ford (@ftrain)Tue, 25 Aug 2020 20:04 +0000

screen sharing your entire desktop instead of just one window is a radical act of workplace intimacy

arshia (@arshia__)Tue, 25 Aug 2020 21:53 +0000

I've written 8000 words today. "How does she do it?" I hear you ask. "What's her secret?" "Does she have a wife?" Gather around, little ones. Let me tell you the ways of the author. Closer. Come closer. Now listen. I have deadlines looming and I am fucked.

Melinda Salisbury (@MESalisbury)Mon, 24 Aug 2020 19:54 +0000

last year I negotiated on salary and the company WITHDREW the offer saying they were going to look internally for someone cheaper and then CAME back several months later. Moral of the story: always negotiate on salary because the worst that can happen is you expose a shitshow

Anna Koenig (@annamv10)Mon, 24 Aug 2020 23:01 +0000

It's funny looking at twitter and seeing the number of random companies reporting technical issues when there's an @awscloud outage

Kyle Arch (@KyleGeorgeArch)Tue, 25 Aug 2020 10:55 +0000

Today I learned that the Red Panda is so unique, it has no close relatives. It's the only living species in its genus and family.

Nature & Animals 🌴 (@AnimalsWorId)Tue, 25 Aug 2020 00:24 +0000

when your anxiety levels are lower in a pandemic than at school that says a lot about your education system

🌈sovietblobfish🌈 (@sovietblobfish)Mon, 24 Aug 2020 09:26 +0000

I am BEGGING. Someone please adopt this goon of a cat. pets4homes.co.uk/classifieds/28…

elena is hibjørnating (@ElenaBjxrn)Mon, 24 Aug 2020 21:22 +0000

https://twitter.com/chrismessina/status/1296613670005309440

This secret vice.com/en_us/article/…

Jane Manchun Wong (@wongmjane)Fri, 21 Aug 2020 01:04 +0000

https://twitter.com/wongmjane/status/1296614089968386048

Ken and 69 others (@piq9117)Mon, 24 Aug 2020 22:54 +0000

Hey y'all — I'm getting married tomorrow and taking my wife's name. Had to make a rebrand joke, srry. See thread for why I'm taking her name 👇

Ryan Morrison (@ryryjmo)Tue, 25 Aug 2020 01:07 +0000

Hi, I'm Angie! 👋🏽 I'm a Principal Developer Advocate, Java Champion, Automation Architect, Master Inventor, and Director of Test Automation University. BS in CompSci from TSU MS in CompSci from NCSU AKA 💕💚 Currently living in SF Bay Area #BiCRollCall #BiERollCall

Angie Jones (@techgirl1908)Tue, 25 Aug 2020 02:25 +0000

ux designers have existed for 15 years now and none of them have figured out a way to make software intuitive that beats having a talking paperclip explain things to you and i think thats sad

laura calabazas (@freezydorito)Mon, 24 Aug 2020 21:11 +0000

Free Them

the Cagle Cats (@CagleCats)Mon, 24 Aug 2020 14:25 +0000

https://twitter.com/nypost/status/1297630064058785793

How many times the media will kill this man

🤘🎸R💀 (@MangoRepublica)Sun, 23 Aug 2020 20:25 +0000

this is a meme from an AI generator and it's more clever than anything ive ever wrote

jimothy burglary (@JimothyBurg1ary)Sun, 23 Aug 2020 17:58 +0000

for bad posture

mila (@bauhauhaus)Sun, 23 Aug 2020 04:54 +0000

Hi! I’m 44, a Marine Corps vet and BJJ champion and I cry in my bed after therapy. Dudes (and dude-identifying folks), don’t forget that it’s okay to talk about struggling and taking care of your mental health.

Tim Banks (@elchefe)Sun, 23 Aug 2020 19:31 +0000

Cis isn't a slur. Period.

Cake is Kate. Always has been. 💫 (@kefimochi)Sun, 23 Aug 2020 19:46 +0000

https://twitter.com/mangopdf/status/1297803737814011904

sorry, "sadness" has been marked as duplicate

Kat Maddox (@ctrlshifti)Mon, 24 Aug 2020 07:53 +0000

Do you have a blog? 🥰 personal website where you write? 🥰 your own lil' corner of the Web? 🥰 lemme see!

10.20 (@jackyalcine)Sun, 23 Aug 2020 22:59 +0000

Checked my LinkedIn, good to see it's still a cesspit full of shitty people crowing about how they're top 1% like it's OnlyFans for recruiters

Kat Cosgrove's DevOps and Thirst Traps Emporium 🍑 (@Dixie3Flatline)Sun, 23 Aug 2020 20:14 +0000

I genuinely don’t know what I’m going to do when we finish Schitt’s Creek. Cry, probably. Then start again?

Sophie Koonin (@type__error)Sun, 23 Aug 2020 21:05 +0000

Something I've always wondered is, how did Batman become Batman? Did he have a mum and dad? What happened there?

Caspar Salmon (@CasparSalmon)Sun, 23 Aug 2020 14:04 +0000

do you think a dog knows he looks handsome when he wears a little bandanna

rax ‘oofnik’ king (@RaxKingIsDead)Sat, 22 Aug 2020 16:36 +0000

This also goes for "Blacks," "gays" etc

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if you refer to transgender people as “transgenders” i automatically hate u

syd (@TYLERRPHOBIC)Fri, 21 Aug 2020 16:24 +0000

Holly Brockwell (@holly)Sun, 23 Aug 2020 09:36 +0000

The only good thing that will come out of 2020 will be @jimmycarr hosting a 9 hour long episode of Big Fat Quiz of the Year.

Marcus Noble (@Marcus_Noble_)Sun, 23 Aug 2020 13:44 +0000

Same amount of spinach

Chris Albon (@chrisalbon)Sat, 22 Aug 2020 19:40 +0000

buying it from a homeless person wouldn’t really be very tweetable to be fair twitter.com/declanmckenna/…

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covert operation

Declan McKenna (@DeclanMcKenna)Sun, 23 Aug 2020 11:07 +0000

Matt 😼 (@matthewherod)Sun, 23 Aug 2020 11:42 +0000

Stumbled into a website tonight called UberBeats that I didn’t think was real, but I signed up anyway. 2.5 hrs later I get a surprise text! A DJ wearing a branded UberBeats mask pulls up in a car, smoke machine in their trunk, and plays a ~10m set. Best pandemic dance party. 🎵💖

Danielle Baskin (@djbaskin)Sun, 23 Aug 2020 07:10 +0000

Look how thrilled Mabel is to be here 😂 I LOVE HER

Holly Brockwell (@holly)Sat, 22 Aug 2020 16:15 +0000

Had the displeasure of getting caught up in a racist biker gang protest in Nottingham today. Never encountered such small dick energy in my life. OoOoOoOo revving ur big bike at me are ya, ya big bald cunt

Nikki O (@reverendnikki)Sat, 22 Aug 2020 13:27 +0000

abandoned monuments of yugoslavia

g̶̫̳̭͒͐̂l̸̡͚̿̕̚i̴̗̓̃ț̸̱̈́͒́ͅc̷̺̪̠̋ḣ̴͚̖̏͛ (@dollydemonica)Fri, 21 Aug 2020 02:23 +0000

Nobody told me prerecording talks was this stressful 😭

Sophie Koonin (@type__error)Sat, 22 Aug 2020 17:38 +0000

if you text me "we need to talk" i'm gonna reply "yes we do" now we both stressed

T’A🕊 (@tfcarter09)Sun, 16 Aug 2020 13:43 +0000