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Ok I’m stoned but this seems like a good idea: what if there was an app that both you and your partner have where you both swipe right or left on movies that are on your streaming services and when you find a match it lets you know

c a i t l i n (@hello__caitlin)Fri, 11 Sep 2020 04:06 +0000

I am astonished - look what the GOV.UK team did for my last day! 🥺💖

Issy Long (@issyl0)Fri, 11 Sep 2020 10:47 +0000

https://twitter.com/Hbomberguy/status/1304249665303515139

Ted Cruz 9/11 cum tribute

findom earle 🚽 IBS rights (@coherentstates)Fri, 11 Sep 2020 02:48 +0000

who is this

luka big pants (@LukaBigPants)Wed, 09 Sep 2020 04:43 +0000

On call when someone decides it's fine to release on a Friday...

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who is this

luka big pants (@LukaBigPants)Wed, 09 Sep 2020 04:43 +0000

Tanja Lichtensteiger (@grappleshark)Fri, 11 Sep 2020 06:46 +0000

Lmao just reopened Twitter in the browser and this half-finished tweet was sitting there and if this isn't a whole ADHD mood

Kate is cake. Always has been. (@SBinLondon)Fri, 11 Sep 2020 11:19 +0000

Just watched the Season 7 finale of GoT last night for the first time GIF sums it up nicely 😂

Ed George (@Sp4ghettiCode)Fri, 11 Sep 2020 13:31 +0000

I hope every time @github has an outage I hope they think about the amazing SREs they lost because of a 6-figure contract with literal fascists

pegasi for police abolition (@stillinbeta)Thu, 10 Sep 2020 20:06 +0000

Reminder that this is a real image

Ninja (@NinjaStarHere)Thu, 10 Sep 2020 23:52 +0000

Ladies, we have a winner #Mansplaining

Claire Cohen (@clairecohen)Thu, 10 Sep 2020 12:52 +0000

After 4 years of being patronised by male GPs and made to feel like a pain for trying to get a diagnosis for ongoing health issues I finally spoke to a female GP today and by the end of it I was crying simply for finally being made to feel heard and respected. #WomenInMedicine

Tess Cooper 🏳️‍🌈 (@tessacooper5)Thu, 10 Sep 2020 15:29 +0000

um OUCH twitter

Holly Brockwell (@holly)Thu, 10 Sep 2020 15:47 +0000

so Apache Zookeeper has this thing where you can ask if it's doing ok

Owen Williams ⚡🇨🇦 (@ow)Thu, 10 Sep 2020 12:29 +0000

TFW your code style fixing tools tell you they've fixed -1 errors. ARE YOU INTRODUCING PROBLEMS THERE?!

Matt Brunt (@Brunty)Thu, 10 Sep 2020 10:58 +0000

Periodic reminder to check the acronym before you name your shiny new business

Shawn Erquhart (@erquhart)Wed, 09 Sep 2020 17:09 +0000

Starter type swap

charamells (@charamells)Wed, 09 Sep 2020 17:27 +0000

Pineapple Express is back on Netflix. Watch the film the way we intended: on your couch while smoking weed.

Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen)Tue, 08 Sep 2020 21:47 +0000

I got a bright green shirt and sat in a 40 minute zoom meeting until it was time to say goodbye and then did this:

Anna Rankin 🖤BLM 🖤 (@anniesqueedle)Tue, 08 Sep 2020 17:02 +0000

I reckon a significant proportion of gender reveals are designed to placate the crappy husband with cake and fireworks when he's disappointed it's a girl

Holly Brockwell (@holly)Tue, 08 Sep 2020 17:18 +0000

Well this is just beyond embarrassing @UniofNottingham ! Don’t know whether to laugh or cry. 😂😢 The academic formerly known as Ivan Marković.

Ivan Marković (@hazyhistories)Mon, 07 Sep 2020 14:44 +0000

preparing a gourmet charcuterie board for my gamer husband ❤️

sydney (@custardloaf)Mon, 07 Sep 2020 23:35 +0000

Feature request: block all accounts created in 2020. Most of them are bots. And if someone actually joined Twitter in 2020, look, they clearly make bad life choices.

Filippo Valsorda 💚🤍❤️ ✊ (@FiloSottile)Mon, 07 Sep 2020 23:32 +0000

"My back hurts all the time for no reason." How I sit every day:

Knixx (@Knishkabob)Mon, 07 Sep 2020 02:02 +0000

My youngest hacked our Netflix parental code. She put light grease on the remote and got me to input the code when she wasn’t looking. Then she noted the numbers I’d pressed and went through the combinations later. I’m both frightened and impressed.

Ed O'Loughlin (@edoloughlin)Sun, 06 Sep 2020 09:19 +0000

Think about it.

Universal Curiosity (@UniverCurious)Mon, 07 Sep 2020 01:58 +0000

Instead of blowing up things for a gender reveal party, the parents to be should hand out wallets. If there’s a dollar inside, it’s a boy, if there’s 72 cents, it’s a girl

Professor Sarah Parcak (@indyfromspace)Mon, 07 Sep 2020 11:41 +0000

The number one rule on zoom is ... you're an invited guest into someone else's home. If the kids invade then - they absolutely have the right to. It's their home as well. You can't import corporate "norms" into someone else's home. Learn to adapt.

Simon Wardley (@swardley)Mon, 07 Sep 2020 16:06 +0000

Writing a horror book called “Chores you didn’t know existed and were supposed to be doing all along“

Melissa McEwen (@melissamcewen)Sun, 06 Sep 2020 20:49 +0000

Some of the stuff I've been working on for the last two years! Game jams, side projects and Landfall games

wilhelm nylund (@wilnyl)Mon, 07 Sep 2020 18:04 +0000

I honestly have no idea what a vitamin is. It’s in a banana but it’s also the sun? Sure.

Noah Garfinkel (@NoahGarfinkel)Sun, 06 Sep 2020 19:41 +0000

Countries: exist England in the 16th-18th centuries

Comrade James (@morereverbpls)Sun, 06 Sep 2020 17:23 +0000

out of context brooklyn nine nine🏳️‍🌈 (@nocontxt99)Mon, 07 Sep 2020 17:59 +0000

Wait... what?!

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6 hours to go! #EastEnders. Tonight. 8:05pm. @BBCOne.

BBC EastEnders (@bbceastenders)Mon, 07 Sep 2020 13:05 +0000

Chris Emerson (@chris_emerson)Mon, 07 Sep 2020 16:24 +0000

Recently my 4 yo has said she doesn’t like it when I work (because I’m away from her). I’ve explained that I work so she has food and clothes, and we should be grateful. Today she’s playing “work,” and I hear her telling her sister loudly: WE HAVE TO WORK TO KEEP FROM STARVING.

Meena Harris (@meenaharris)Mon, 07 Sep 2020 02:20 +0000

I normally just ignore FAANG recruiters, but decided to actually write something back this time because maybe inability to hire would have the teeniest tiniest impact. It’s not especially well worded because my brain is made of jello, but it’s something.

julie pagano (@juliepagano)Mon, 07 Sep 2020 00:36 +0000

Time to dig out this gem again - "The computer industry is the only industry that is more fashion-driven than women’s fashion. "

💎 DevOpsDomi 💀 //#BlackLivesMatter (@devopsdom)Mon, 07 Sep 2020 09:40 +0000

https://twitter.com/jackdwagner/status/1302673328210018305

Fuck they cut me out.

Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen)Sun, 06 Sep 2020 22:03 +0000

Classical Studies Memes for Hellenistic Teens (@CSMFHT)Mon, 07 Sep 2020 06:08 +0000

Not gonna lie, I enjoy the "sick emoji" in my vim config for when my linting is detecting drama ... 🤮

Richard Bagshaw (@bagwaa)Sun, 06 Sep 2020 22:14 +0000