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being promoted is always a double edged sword, but at least it generally means you get more spreadsheets to play with

Gareth Rushgrove (@garethr)Fri, 12 Feb 2021 08:29 GMT

#brooklyn99 but it comes back will be the in 2021! last season

mimi (@hauntedamie)Thu, 11 Feb 2021 20:48 GMT

We're coming up on a year of being in this pandemic, there's some sort of weird existential dread hitting a lot of us. The bad news: we're all in this at the same time, together. The good news: we're all in this at the same time, together.

Sarah Drasner (@sarah_edo)Fri, 12 Feb 2021 00:30 GMT

So just to confirm, this is the worst anyone's felt since the start of the pandemic, right? Like it's not just me?

Human Mel (@melhuman)Thu, 11 Feb 2021 15:11 GMT

sorry for not keeping in touch. i have literally nothing to say

marianne eloise (@marianne_eloise)Thu, 11 Feb 2021 13:14 GMT

*phew* so glad tomorrow is finally friday :)

Rebecca Black (@MsRebeccaBlack)Thu, 11 Feb 2021 05:45 GMT

stop buying into parasocial relationships with ladies on here, and stop trying to form them with your followers. i enjoy chatting with you all but we are mostly all strangers and we should keep that in mind before forming attachments. i like your jokes, that's it.

KELGORE (@KelgoreTrout)Wed, 10 Feb 2021 20:19 GMT

PRO TIP FOR PEOPLE STRUGGLING WITH ANXIETY: I have found it very beneficial to my mental health, especially my anxiety, to not be in a pandemic

Cilantro.bb.95@aim.com (@bb_apes)Mon, 08 Feb 2021 06:04 GMT

"There seems to be some kind of filter on here Lord Vader. I'm here live, I'm not a cat."

Mengel Miniatures (@MengelMinis)Wed, 10 Feb 2021 00:49 GMT

The internet is so fast.

Jay Kuo (@nycjayjay)Wed, 10 Feb 2021 04:04 GMT

Mood @AOC

Daniel Golson (@dsgolson)Wed, 10 Feb 2021 05:25 GMT

>see's "Tron" trending >get happy for a moment >fortnite skin and crossover >pain

Continue (@321Continue)Wed, 10 Feb 2021 14:29 GMT

Working in social media means explaining to your partner, who's never been on twitter in his life, why you're spooning beans onto two pairs of glasses at 9pm on a Tuesday twitter.com/specsavers/sta…

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If you can’t beat them, join them... @HeinzUK @Weetabix

Specsavers (@Specsavers)Tue, 09 Feb 2021 21:09 GMT

Helen. (@HelenGradwell)Tue, 09 Feb 2021 21:15 GMT

“I’m here live, I’m not a cat,” says lawyer after Zoom filter mishap “I can see that,” responds judge

Lawrence Hurley (@lawrencehurley)Tue, 09 Feb 2021 18:26 GMT

https://twitter.com/Bryan80865972/status/1359137732874805249

The fucking irony

"SOSA CHAMBERLAIN" (@LVShepherd)Tue, 09 Feb 2021 15:32 GMT

This comment on a ted talk im watching

malaya (@accessforbidden)Sun, 07 Feb 2021 13:13 GMT

me: “would you rather fart loudly or poop yourself silently” recruiter: “we meant questions about the job”

Andy Bell (@piccalilli_)Mon, 08 Feb 2021 12:14 GMT

Pls someone explain why so many signatures need "witnessed" and posted with a wet signature when buying a house? Holy god, this process is the most archaic process I've ever had to deal with. And I used to be a public sector software eng- so that's really saying something!

Sheree Atcheson (@nirushika)Mon, 08 Feb 2021 10:08 GMT

Uber Eats just spent $5.5 million plus whatever it cost to get Cardi B, Mike Meyers and Dana Carvey to tell us to "support local restaurants" while putting local restaurants out of business by charging them 30% delivery fees.

Dan Price (@DanPriceSeattle)Mon, 08 Feb 2021 01:54 GMT

Serena Williams has 23 Grand Slam titles. twitter.com/dontestallwort…

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so Jordan has 6 rings, and Brady has 7 rings. is it now safe to say that Brady is the GOAT of all GOATS?

Donté Stallworth (@DonteStallworth)Mon, 08 Feb 2021 03:25 GMT

reggie (@kidnoble)Mon, 08 Feb 2021 03:43 GMT

https://twitter.com/RaxKingIsDead/status/1358610775464624128

my dude looks like he's his own child

Amy, Mothman Festival Queen (@cableknitjumper)Mon, 08 Feb 2021 03:19 GMT

I've dated over 100 tech guys aged 18-36 in last 25 years. When I look back at all of them, I wish I had spent 100% of that time adopting a child. I'd have actually raised a kid, not just a man disguised as one. Tech guys are a distraction until you achieve self-love.

Allison Reichel (@AllisonReichel)Sun, 07 Feb 2021 15:54 GMT

Imagine being the kind of petty person who blocks everyone who dares to disagree with your shitty horrible takes while pretending to be mega woke.

Shubheksha ✨ (@ScribblingOn)Sun, 07 Feb 2021 00:27 GMT

the fact that this man started out in the mcu as just a voice in iron man’s suit now he’s doing shit like this

jess (@artinventcr)Sat, 06 Feb 2021 15:59 GMT

No dribbly candles around the pentacle this time. Not for this summoning. Nor had she drawn blood. She hoped that could be avoided. She put the box in the centre of the pentacle and closed her eyes. When she looked again her cat was in the box. "There you are. Ready for the vet?"

Micro SF/F stories (@MicroSFF)Sat, 06 Feb 2021 21:40 GMT

🏦👉📊 = 😍 I can finally release youneedaspreadsheet.com ! You can connect all of your bank accounts & credit cards to Google Sheets using Open Banking APIs. My budgeting spreadsheets are so much more powerful now🤓. #openbanking #fintech

Alex R.S (@arussellsaw)Sun, 07 Feb 2021 08:03 GMT

I weighed myself and am the heaviest I've *ever* been, and then I spent 15 minutes admiring my body in the mirror. It should be illegal to be this hot. Like. Damn. Tl;dr certain parts of me are hotter at higher weights. Attractiveness is very flexible. You're all hot goodbye

C'eleste la vie (@celeste_horgan)Sat, 06 Feb 2021 19:35 GMT

No one told me how sad the Office gets in Season 7. 🥲🥲🥲 Ffs. 🥲🥲🥲

Pauline P. Narvas (@paulienuh)Sat, 06 Feb 2021 20:24 GMT

The at-home FOSDEM experience:

Jim Perrin (@BitIntegrity)Sat, 06 Feb 2021 21:12 GMT

Go behind the scenes to find out how Marvel movies are mapped out far in advance with advanced visualization technologies, from previs to postvis

Entertainment Insider (@EntInsider)Mon, 01 Feb 2021 04:59 GMT

"why can't we get covid under control?" this guy:

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had a poker night with some SF friends last night all but one of them are now back to working in an office every day looks like big tech companies can afford an unproductive remote workforce but startups are realizing they can't

delian (@zebulgar)Fri, 05 Feb 2021 15:15 GMT

Abby Fuller (@abbyfuller)Sat, 06 Feb 2021 18:51 GMT

The phrase “subtweet” implies there is a domtweet That’s it, that’s the joke, tip your bartender, have a good night

Katelyn Bowden (@medus4_cdc)Sat, 06 Feb 2021 01:22 GMT

I'm building a little thing to turn Tweets into an SVG. Here's the first result. What do you think? It isn't intended to *completely* replicate the Twitter experience - but to be a lightweight way to embed content. Thoughts?

Terence Eden (@edent)Sat, 06 Feb 2021 10:42 GMT

Massive Attack (@MassiveAttackUK)Fri, 05 Feb 2021 12:45 GMT

Does anyone else find it deeply ironic that the dudes who love to toss the 'snowflake' blast around are also the dudes who cry the loudest at how mean and unfair woke culture is?

James S.A. Corey (@JamesSACorey)Thu, 04 Feb 2021 22:27 GMT

I'm not a boss babe. I'm not a girl boss. I'm not a "She"EO. I'm not a mom-preneur. I'm the CEO and co-founder of a successful, fast-growing SaaS company and have the honor of leading an incredible team of talented humans. ...And I am a woman.

Lindsay Tjepkema (@CastedLindsay)Thu, 04 Feb 2021 14:56 GMT

I regret to say, exercise and eating well did indeed improve my mood

Sarah Drasner (@sarah_edo)Wed, 03 Feb 2021 22:15 GMT

god the foreshadowing in that movie was so good

laura bananas (@freezydorito)Thu, 04 Feb 2021 01:51 GMT

Bash: the up arrow can be used to get past commands Users: yesssssss Bash: We also have a history comman- Users: up arrow!! Bash: a history command , where you use ! to call past comma- Users: UP ARROWWWWW

casey (@varcharr)Wed, 03 Feb 2021 22:21 GMT

It would be great if we allocated more money for the NHS in Captain Tom’s memory so that in the future 100 year old aren’t having to fundra-oh they’ve announced another clap fantastic forget what I just said everyone

Nish Kumar (@MrNishKumar)Wed, 03 Feb 2021 12:48 GMT

Women in tech are literally so easy to please. Give us fancy mechanical keyboards and fundamental human rights. That's only two things.

Cake is Kate. Always has been. 💫 (@kefimochi)Wed, 03 Feb 2021 05:06 GMT

"Why am I feeling anxious for no reason?" she thought to herself almost a year into the ongoing deadly global pandemic which completely upended life as she knew it.

Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe)Mon, 01 Feb 2021 23:05 GMT