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can’t stop thinking about this horizontally cut bread

Josh (@FLITTER)Sun, 10 Jan 2021 18:04 GMT

Terrifying!

OnlyFans.com/realDonaldTrump (@saintknives)Sun, 10 Jan 2021 15:03 GMT

This bong lives in my mind rent free

𝚖𝚎𝚕 ❁ (@lemonadeblunts)Sat, 09 Jan 2021 22:54 GMT

Has there ever been a more iconic week on Twitter dot com than the one that started with a man refusing to open the beans and ended with the president of the United States being banned for instigating a coup.

Tuck Woodstock (@tuckwoodstock)Sat, 09 Jan 2021 19:55 GMT

WholesomeMemes (@WholesomeMeme)Sun, 10 Jan 2021 14:10 GMT

Already we are treating families who caught Covid when a relative joined them on Christmas Day, only to test positive afterwards. I’m not sure I can ever forgive @BorisJohnson for inviting Christmas mixing. He’s supercharged the pandemic 😔 bbc.co.uk/news/uk-556051…

Rachel Clarke (@doctor_oxford)Sat, 09 Jan 2021 16:22 GMT

Telegram Messenger (@telegram)Sun, 10 Jan 2021 13:53 GMT

https://twitter.com/alicegoldfuss/status/1348156961338970112

kh8s

Sarah Drasner (@sarah_edo)Sun, 10 Jan 2021 06:39 GMT

Truly Khorosho (@JitsuNiHarashou)Sun, 10 Jan 2021 05:09 GMT

What does Parler use to “rebuild from scratch” after getting kicked off AWS? Terrorform

bletchley punk (@alicegoldfuss)Sun, 10 Jan 2021 06:37 GMT

I finally figured out what colours I want to use for my site rebuild. Just need to get off the sofa now, any minute now 😅

Carol 🌻 (@CarolSaysThings)Sun, 10 Jan 2021 12:46 GMT

My brain every time I get a slight headache

TheIainDuncanSmiths (@TheIDSmiths)Sat, 09 Jan 2021 16:08 GMT

https://twitter.com/foxshaped/status/1347993451124711431

Mad props to the woman who turned a covid test into an opportunity for flirting though, making it into a graphic depiction of how little gag reflex she has whilst making sexy eye contact with her partner and smirking. I was uncomfortable but it’s certainly a Move.

Emma (@foxshaped)Sat, 09 Jan 2021 19:49 GMT

what if CPUs came in wrappers like bite-sized candies

こちゃん 🦊🌸 (@foxgirl_IRL)Sat, 09 Jan 2021 17:00 GMT

Why is our brain like this

Owen Jones 🌹 (@OwenJones84)Sat, 09 Jan 2021 15:31 GMT

All set.

David Levy (@DavidLevyMusic)Fri, 08 Jan 2021 20:26 GMT

Took me fifteen seconds: https://t.co/2WlRsRYVdc

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Really sad. At a time of deep national division, President-elect Biden’s choice to call his political opponents literal Nazis does nothing to bring us together or promote healing. This kind of vicious partisan rhetoric only tears our country apart.

twitter.com/jameshohmann/s…

Ted Cruz (@tedcruz)Fri, 08 Jan 2021 22:54 GMT

Peter Sagal (@petersagal)Fri, 08 Jan 2021 23:59 GMT

Smol Paul absolutely refuses to use the kitten steps I got for him, so this is how treat time goes #HollysMankyMoggies

Holly '8 Cats' Brockwell (@holly)Sat, 09 Jan 2021 05:40 GMT

don't worry ya'll, the side-loaded Parler APKs being hosted on honeypot websites w/ good SEO aren't malicious, that's just the deep state trying to keep you from memes🙃

ℨ𝔞𝔠𝔥 𝔈𝔡𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔡𝔰 (@thezedwards)Sat, 09 Jan 2021 04:07 GMT

me: *goes to a website for the first time* the website:

kavs☄️🏌️‍♂️ (@3hotcheetosb0i)Fri, 08 Jan 2021 14:10 GMT

Hi there, I'm new to Twitter and looking to make new friends.

Tonald Drump (@TonaldDrump45an)Sat, 09 Jan 2021 00:51 GMT

I am LOSING IT

Viane Londoño ❄️ (@vianerds)Fri, 08 Jan 2021 23:10 GMT

Autotune snoring

Enlargeyournerd (@Enlargeyournerd)Fri, 08 Jan 2021 14:15 GMT

My office is slowly coming together. Still need to get curtains, a credenza and some hanging planters, but we’re getting there!

Kara Luton 🩰👩🏼‍💻 (@karaluton)Fri, 08 Jan 2021 16:53 GMT

So if Parler were as big & influential as Facebook, and paid similar salaries, would tech folks make excuses for working there too?

keziyah (@KeziyahL)Sat, 09 Jan 2021 01:04 GMT

Apparently Parler just got pulled from the Google App store. Over at TheDonald they're teaching each other how to install the PWA version. I thought this exchange was funny.

Quincy Larson (@ossia)Sat, 09 Jan 2021 01:17 GMT

I have a feeling this is going to be a new huge shitshow in tech

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https://twitter.com/wwahammy/status/1347627228788649984

employee sad nazis are bad, got fired by head of HR

🏴 Forrest🍃Norvell 🚩 (@othiym23)Fri, 08 Jan 2021 21:22 GMT

Etiene Dalcol (sign-up for Polygloss early beta!) (@etiene_d)Sat, 09 Jan 2021 09:13 GMT

Jamie Jones (@JamieDMJ)Sat, 09 Jan 2021 01:22 GMT

Year in Progress ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ 102%

Simon Amor (@SimonRAmor)Fri, 08 Jan 2021 13:26 GMT

I keep this old tinder screenshot to remind myself it's ok to just... be single.

Amy, future Mothman Festival Queen (@cableknitjumper)Fri, 08 Jan 2021 20:08 GMT

I think this guy was involved. https://t.co/H6xOrhUsWT

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The FBI is seeking to identify individuals instigating violence in Washington, D.C. We are accepting tips and digital media depicting rioting or violence in and around the U.S. Capitol on January 6. If you have information, visit fbi.gov/USCapitol.

FBI (@FBI)Thu, 07 Jan 2021 13:35 GMT

Jazzmen Watson 👩🏾‍💻 (@jazzmen_k)Thu, 07 Jan 2021 14:29 GMT

We are gonna find out SOME SHIT in the aftermath of Trump’s reign, stuff we didn’t even think of. Sacks of coke; a Nazi furry costume; shallow graves; UFO parts strewn about his bathroom; a bunker of robot wives; leather Klan robe; a warehouse of empty papers, all signed by him.

Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig)Fri, 08 Jan 2021 19:10 GMT

can’t believe I just filmed this for onlyfans lmaooo

cal? (@cal_gif)Tue, 29 Dec 2020 18:05 GMT

WholesomeMemes (@WholesomeMeme)Fri, 08 Jan 2021 14:30 GMT

310 days later. Wonderful.

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Government has announced all travellers to England from overseas will need to test negative for COVID-19 before they are allowed to enter the country For more on this and other news visit news.sky.com

Sky News Breaking (@SkyNewsBreak)Fri, 08 Jan 2021 00:21 GMT

machine gun Kele (@kelechnekoff)Fri, 08 Jan 2021 00:53 GMT

Hi @MattHancock can you explain to me why Stanley Johnson, repeat Covid rule breaker, has had his second vaccine injection but my 80 year old care home resident and medically vulnerable father has not had his first? Is it because my family are not related to the Prime Minister?

Wayne (@wayneplod)Fri, 08 Jan 2021 09:02 GMT

I took out $15,000 of student loans and since I graduate last May I repaid $2,000 and now I am so glad to share that I only have $15,633 left to pay😌

abby govindan (@abbygov)Thu, 07 Jan 2021 17:27 GMT

your last chance to retweet this

raghad. (@RachelfuI)Wed, 06 Jan 2021 12:19 GMT

The winner

Dr. Sarah Parcak (@indyfromspace)Thu, 07 Jan 2021 15:42 GMT

Basically America right now 🇺🇸🤦‍♂️ #USA #whiteprivilege

Munya Chawawa (@munyachawawa)Thu, 07 Jan 2021 17:41 GMT

On January 6, armed Trumpist militias will be rallying in DC, at Trump's orders. It's highly likely that they'll try to storm the Capitol after it certifies Joe Biden's win. I don't think this has sunk in yet.

Arieh Kovler (@ariehkovler)Mon, 21 Dec 2020 13:43 GMT

Let me see if I have this right: We couldn't afford $2,000 checks because we spend $740 billion a year on Defense, yet we won't defend our own U.S. Capitol against domestic terrorists.

Dan Price (@DanPriceSeattle)Thu, 07 Jan 2021 04:59 GMT

I've spent a little of my "productive" time tonight stripping back my blog to a basic UI. I want to make changes, but they're going to be small and over time, so I keep the noise to a minimum. I already feel better about it.

Steven Pears (@StevenPears)Thu, 07 Jan 2021 21:17 GMT

THIS...

The Best Show in the Omniverse (@SuperSuitShow)Thu, 07 Jan 2021 02:45 GMT

Please tell this to all my exes.

Holly '8 Cats' Brockwell (@holly)Thu, 07 Jan 2021 17:12 GMT