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Pls someone explain why so many signatures need "witnessed" and posted with a wet signature when buying a house? Holy god, this process is the most archaic process I've ever had to deal with. And I used to be a public sector software eng- so that's really saying something!

Sheree Atcheson (@nirushika)Mon, 08 Feb 2021 10:08 GMT

Uber Eats just spent $5.5 million plus whatever it cost to get Cardi B, Mike Meyers and Dana Carvey to tell us to "support local restaurants" while putting local restaurants out of business by charging them 30% delivery fees.

Dan Price (@DanPriceSeattle)Mon, 08 Feb 2021 01:54 GMT

Serena Williams has 23 Grand Slam titles. twitter.com/dontestallwort…

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so Jordan has 6 rings, and Brady has 7 rings. is it now safe to say that Brady is the GOAT of all GOATS?

Donté Stallworth (@DonteStallworth)Mon, 08 Feb 2021 03:25 GMT

reggie (@kidnoble)Mon, 08 Feb 2021 03:43 GMT

https://twitter.com/RaxKingIsDead/status/1358610775464624128

my dude looks like he's his own child

Amy, Mothman Festival Queen (@cableknitjumper)Mon, 08 Feb 2021 03:19 GMT

I've dated over 100 tech guys aged 18-36 in last 25 years. When I look back at all of them, I wish I had spent 100% of that time adopting a child. I'd have actually raised a kid, not just a man disguised as one. Tech guys are a distraction until you achieve self-love.

Allison Reichel (@AllisonReichel)Sun, 07 Feb 2021 15:54 GMT

Imagine being the kind of petty person who blocks everyone who dares to disagree with your shitty horrible takes while pretending to be mega woke.

Shubheksha ✨ (@ScribblingOn)Sun, 07 Feb 2021 00:27 GMT

the fact that this man started out in the mcu as just a voice in iron man’s suit now he’s doing shit like this

jess (@artinventcr)Sat, 06 Feb 2021 15:59 GMT

No dribbly candles around the pentacle this time. Not for this summoning. Nor had she drawn blood. She hoped that could be avoided. She put the box in the centre of the pentacle and closed her eyes. When she looked again her cat was in the box. "There you are. Ready for the vet?"

Micro SF/F stories (@MicroSFF)Sat, 06 Feb 2021 21:40 GMT

🏦👉📊 = 😍 I can finally release youneedaspreadsheet.com ! You can connect all of your bank accounts & credit cards to Google Sheets using Open Banking APIs. My budgeting spreadsheets are so much more powerful now🤓. #openbanking #fintech

Alex R.S (@arussellsaw)Sun, 07 Feb 2021 08:03 GMT

I weighed myself and am the heaviest I've *ever* been, and then I spent 15 minutes admiring my body in the mirror. It should be illegal to be this hot. Like. Damn. Tl;dr certain parts of me are hotter at higher weights. Attractiveness is very flexible. You're all hot goodbye

C'eleste la vie (@celeste_horgan)Sat, 06 Feb 2021 19:35 GMT

No one told me how sad the Office gets in Season 7. 🥲🥲🥲 Ffs. 🥲🥲🥲

Pauline P. Narvas (@paulienuh)Sat, 06 Feb 2021 20:24 GMT

The at-home FOSDEM experience:

Jim Perrin (@BitIntegrity)Sat, 06 Feb 2021 21:12 GMT

Go behind the scenes to find out how Marvel movies are mapped out far in advance with advanced visualization technologies, from previs to postvis

Entertainment Insider (@EntInsider)Mon, 01 Feb 2021 04:59 GMT

"why can't we get covid under control?" this guy:

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had a poker night with some SF friends last night all but one of them are now back to working in an office every day looks like big tech companies can afford an unproductive remote workforce but startups are realizing they can't

delian (@zebulgar)Fri, 05 Feb 2021 15:15 GMT

Abby Fuller (@abbyfuller)Sat, 06 Feb 2021 18:51 GMT

The phrase “subtweet” implies there is a domtweet That’s it, that’s the joke, tip your bartender, have a good night

Katelyn Bowden (@medus4_cdc)Sat, 06 Feb 2021 01:22 GMT

I'm building a little thing to turn Tweets into an SVG. Here's the first result. What do you think? It isn't intended to *completely* replicate the Twitter experience - but to be a lightweight way to embed content. Thoughts?

Terence Eden (@edent)Sat, 06 Feb 2021 10:42 GMT

Massive Attack (@MassiveAttackUK)Fri, 05 Feb 2021 12:45 GMT

Does anyone else find it deeply ironic that the dudes who love to toss the 'snowflake' blast around are also the dudes who cry the loudest at how mean and unfair woke culture is?

James S.A. Corey (@JamesSACorey)Thu, 04 Feb 2021 22:27 GMT

I'm not a boss babe. I'm not a girl boss. I'm not a "She"EO. I'm not a mom-preneur. I'm the CEO and co-founder of a successful, fast-growing SaaS company and have the honor of leading an incredible team of talented humans. ...And I am a woman.

Lindsay Tjepkema (@CastedLindsay)Thu, 04 Feb 2021 14:56 GMT

I regret to say, exercise and eating well did indeed improve my mood

Sarah Drasner (@sarah_edo)Wed, 03 Feb 2021 22:15 GMT

god the foreshadowing in that movie was so good

laura bananas (@freezydorito)Thu, 04 Feb 2021 01:51 GMT

Bash: the up arrow can be used to get past commands Users: yesssssss Bash: We also have a history comman- Users: up arrow!! Bash: a history command , where you use ! to call past comma- Users: UP ARROWWWWW

casey (@varcharr)Wed, 03 Feb 2021 22:21 GMT

It would be great if we allocated more money for the NHS in Captain Tom’s memory so that in the future 100 year old aren’t having to fundra-oh they’ve announced another clap fantastic forget what I just said everyone

Nish Kumar (@MrNishKumar)Wed, 03 Feb 2021 12:48 GMT

Women in tech are literally so easy to please. Give us fancy mechanical keyboards and fundamental human rights. That's only two things.

Cake is Kate. Always has been. 💫 (@kefimochi)Wed, 03 Feb 2021 05:06 GMT

"Why am I feeling anxious for no reason?" she thought to herself almost a year into the ongoing deadly global pandemic which completely upended life as she knew it.

Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe)Mon, 01 Feb 2021 23:05 GMT

I got snazzy new domain! ✨carol.gg✨ And I started rebuilding my site, in parts. Exciting times 🎉 Part 1: Moving to Eleventy 👇🏼 carol.gg/blog/site-rebu…

Carol 🌻 (@CarolSaysThings)Tue, 02 Feb 2021 08:28 GMT

Omg why is cachingggg 😭😭

Carol 🌻 (@CarolSaysThings)Mon, 01 Feb 2021 20:34 GMT

https://twitter.com/kyliebytes/status/1356330906995200000

Lewds, obviously. This is the internet

Kat Cosgrove (@Dixie3Flatline)Mon, 01 Feb 2021 20:36 GMT

I want to save this tweet as the textbook definition of gatekeeping.

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https://twitter.com/QuinnyPig/status/1356072519690686465

Do you have a CS degree Corey? Did you take a class in formal languages at all? Regular expressions, push down automata, Turing machines, etc? HTML isn't a programming language. It's just markup.

John Black (@johnblackjr)Mon, 01 Feb 2021 03:50 GMT

Corey Quinn (@QuinnyPig)Mon, 01 Feb 2021 03:51 GMT

I feel presentation is as important as the meal itself.

Fergi (@LolaFaglana)Sun, 31 Jan 2021 03:43 GMT

apparently it's "unprofessional" to work in infosec and glorify criminal activity so i guess i'll move to finance where it'll get me fast-tracked to hedge fund manager instead

Kat Maddox (@ctrlshifti)Sun, 31 Jan 2021 23:53 GMT

https://twitter.com/taosecurity/status/1355971359168466945

Hi, Richard! This is Twitter, not a meeting with management. We're allowed to swear, AND we're allowed to change the definition of what constitutes "professional behavior." For instance: get the fuck over yourself.

Kat Cosgrove (@Dixie3Flatline)Sun, 31 Jan 2021 22:08 GMT

Be careful folks

Emily (@EmilyKager)Tue, 26 Jan 2021 19:27 GMT

Hear me out: An entire Disney+ show about Jimmy Woo just working weird cases in the MCU. Like a fun X-Files. Make it happen.

Stephen Ford (@StephenSeanFord)Sat, 30 Jan 2021 20:38 GMT

https://twitter.com/unbridled_id/status/1355408507172958210

My interpersonal relationships prof told us she tracked everything her husband did on his phone and computer—gps, internet history, texts/emails—because the secret to a successful marriage is knowing that you can’t trust anyone.

Katherine Rhodes (@krhodes0521)Sat, 30 Jan 2021 22:22 GMT

I’ve tweeted this before, but my ethics professor impregnated his son’s girlfriend. I think about it every class

Sierra Armor 𝔼𝕣𝕚𝕤 (@unbridled_id)Sat, 30 Jan 2021 06:52 GMT

GitHub Issue forms are coming! 📣 Thanks @github! for making reporting issues a breeze now! 🚀No more weird Markdown stuff. At @home_assistant we are proud to have the privilege to participate in the limited alpha test of this new feature! 😎

Franck Nijhof (@Frenck)Sat, 30 Jan 2021 20:54 GMT

Thanks Guido. That's very flattering. I'm still a little unclear as to what it is but congratulations and well done.

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https://twitter.com/EricIdle/status/1355227039146467329

Hi @EricIdle, author of said "Python" software here. It's open source, which means it's free. It's been 31 years since I chose the name and I'm still a fan of your work! It's "very nice". Many folks working with me in the early days shared my appreciation.

Guido van Rossum (@gvanrossum)Sat, 30 Jan 2021 00:22 GMT

Eric Idle (@EricIdle)Sat, 30 Jan 2021 01:20 GMT

Sound on

place where cat shouldn't be (@catshouldnt)Sat, 30 Jan 2021 06:44 GMT

https://twitter.com/CarolSaysThings/status/1355495410975059968

A BAH-GEL? 🤣

Carol 🌻 (@CarolSaysThings)Sat, 30 Jan 2021 12:38 GMT

https://twitter.com/CarolSaysThings/status/1355495238106812420

Live scenes from my apartment 😅

Carol 🌻 (@CarolSaysThings)Sat, 30 Jan 2021 12:37 GMT

Reading cooking instructions off the bag I just threw out

StepMom Marie 🖤 (@mariebabyyyyy_)Fri, 29 Jan 2021 18:16 GMT

今日はチーズフォンデュ たーんとお食べ 大好きなポテトからがっつくワタちゃん

IKEAのサメ用アカ@ワタザメ (@IKEAsame)Sat, 30 Jan 2021 08:18 GMT

At 21 I have, •A social media following of over 70,000 •a big fat dumpy ass •huge bulompa titties •onlyfans money •like 6 friends maybe This is just the beginning🚀

twitter.com/decadeinvestor…

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At 22 I have, •A podcast with over 200,000 downloads •A social media following of over 13,000 •A net worth of over $75,000 •A group of friends all over the world This is just the beginning🚀

Decade Investor💸 (@DecadeInvestor)Thu, 28 Jan 2021 23:00 GMT

cal? (@cal_gif)Sat, 30 Jan 2021 00:43 GMT