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Reminds me of the time I was declared prematurely dead, and y’all wrote a delightfully exciting (though a tad incorrect) obituary. twitter.com/sandyfrizzle/s…

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If you get enough followers on twitter some people create their own incorrect lore about your life

Sandy Frizzle (@SandyFrizzle)Fri, 18 Feb 2022 16:12 GMT

J Wolfgang Goerlich (@jwgoerlich)Sun, 20 Feb 2022 04:00 GMT

https://twitter.com/jwgoerlich/status/1495255953893208065

Some meetings make me prematurely dead, so I think this is entirely plausible

Helen Patton (@CisoHelen)Sun, 20 Feb 2022 10:39 GMT

https://twitter.com/CisoHelen/status/1495347296862707718

“Why did you fake your own death?” *gestures vaguely at the overbooked calendar* “Oh. Right. When you put it that way? Makes sense.”

J Wolfgang Goerlich (@jwgoerlich)Sun, 20 Feb 2022 14:58 GMT

https://twitter.com/TheHyyyype/status/1495138839614169088

batman: is it shave? riddler: nope! batman: [tears in eyes] share? riddler: guess again batshit! batman: [tears in eyes] shame? riddler: no, but that's what you should be feeling right now lol

the hype (@TheHyyyype)Sat, 19 Feb 2022 21:01 GMT

https://twitter.com/TheHyyyype/status/1495136300638351361

batman: this is so fucked up riddler: world's greatest detective my ass, maybe you should detect a dictionary lmao

the hype (@TheHyyyype)Sat, 19 Feb 2022 20:50 GMT

batman: what? riddler: i said, you have 6 chances to guess this 5-letter word or the city gets it

the hype (@TheHyyyype)Sat, 19 Feb 2022 20:40 GMT

This time-lapse of #Boston during a snow squall is simply amazing. Check it out!

Sarah Wroblewski (@sarahwroblewski)Sun, 20 Feb 2022 01:09 GMT

Public policy privacy hearings should include men being asked to insert a butt plug to access a website. They’d get consent then.

Stella (@RisuToInu)Sun, 20 Feb 2022 10:55 GMT

I'm terrified of #LongCovid despite having 3 jabs. This means that I will have no confidence to leave the house. Vulnerable and immunocompromised don't have a choice here. I've been so anxious over this for the past week that it derailed my focus. bbc.co.uk/news/uk-604469…

Ana Rodrigues (@ohhelloana)Sun, 20 Feb 2022 11:38 GMT

Straight men act confused about consent online and irl until a finger goes near their ass and they magically become well versed on consent, lube, safe words💫

Stella (@RisuToInu)Sun, 20 Feb 2022 10:52 GMT

https://twitter.com/javavvitch/status/1495127776994762754

Even more so, no one stays a billionaire without exploiting people. Even if you somehow came into that money honestly, you would have to invest it in capitalist enterprise since the FDIC won’t insure that much if you keep it in the bank.

Dana Ex Machina (she/he/they) (@DanaScheider)Sat, 19 Feb 2022 23:32 GMT

https://twitter.com/SteveTwips/status/1495128304600367105

Yeah, I’m sure that is some consolation to the people who “voluntarily traded” their labor to a billionaire for seven dollars an hour

John Breen (@_breeeeen_)Sat, 19 Feb 2022 20:33 GMT

No one becomes a billionaire without exploitation. Even Oprah.

Josie (@javavvitch)Sat, 19 Feb 2022 20:06 GMT

Just a quick reminder that Edward Snowden alerted the American public to the existence of a widespread, unconstitutional surveillance network that was spying on all of us, and is a hero. To call him a traitor is to support the illegal wiretapping he blew the whistle on.

Ben Werdmuller (@benwerd)Mon, 17 Aug 2020 14:51 +0000

Love getting to the contractually mandated part of a Batman movie press tour where all the guys who played the villains pretend that they are now hopelessly insane twitter.com/indiewire/stat…

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Paul Dano Couldn’t Sleep While Filming ‘The Batman’ Due to Playing a ‘Terrifying’ Riddler bit.ly/3I4tBSS

IndieWire (@IndieWire)Sat, 19 Feb 2022 00:02 GMT

james hennessy (@jrhennessy)Sat, 19 Feb 2022 23:07 GMT

21 years ago, one guy, in England, put explosives in his shoes and tried to light them with a match. No one was harmed. For two decades, every single flight in America required you to take your shoes off. No one rioted. 960K people have died from COVID-19 in 2 years. Wear a mask.

Mark Sumner (@Devilstower)Sun, 20 Feb 2022 01:05 GMT

Eight years ago I made a bread with hummus instead of water, and it turned out amazingly good I've been too afraid to repeat in the experiment, in terror that I'll never recapture that magic

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One day I thought to myself, "Why can't bread be refreshing?" So, I replaced all the water in the classic no-knead bread recipe with Gatorade. foodisstupid.substack.com/p/no-knead-gat…

Ja Dennis (@FartSandwich)Wed, 16 Feb 2022 16:19 GMT

Hillel (@hillelogram)Sun, 20 Feb 2022 07:05 GMT

JK Rowling has a new book deal, Louis CK was nominated for a Grammy, and Dave Chappelle is getting more money than God from Netflix every year. Give it a break conservatives

Michael Kofi A.||♤🇬🇭 (@MikeKofiA)Sat, 19 Feb 2022 21:24 GMT

Turns out Joe Rogan was getting 2x the previously reported sums, too twitter.com/mikekofia/stat…

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JK Rowling has a new book deal, Louis CK was nominated for a Grammy, and Dave Chappelle is getting more money than God from Netflix every year. Give it a break conservatives

Michael Kofi A.||♤🇬🇭 (@MikeKofiA)Sat, 19 Feb 2022 21:24 GMT

Emilite Gorcenski (@EmilyGorcenski)Sun, 20 Feb 2022 08:10 GMT

just a glimpse into how my life has changed since getting covid: the chair I now use to shower. lifting my arms above my shoulders while standing is so strenuous I nearly pass out which is dangerous since I live alone. this at least makes it so I can get thru a shower

Gene Park 🔜 The Lands Between (@GenePark)Fri, 18 Feb 2022 20:59 GMT

Something to be aware of when contributing code to an Open Source project. Every addition to a project has ongoing costs. Like gifting a pet, code still needs looking after. Package your addition with tests and docs will help offset those costs for the maintainer of the project

Will McGugan (@willmcgugan)Thu, 17 Feb 2022 09:03 GMT

Don't know why chickens start their day with screaming but I understand

niyeeei_ (@niyeeei_)Fri, 11 Feb 2022 18:59 GMT

Nigella Lawson writing instructions on how to click on the link in her bio on Instagram is a fascinating example of having to explain the interface and I would love to know the story behind it…

Amy Hupe (@Amy_Hupe)Sat, 19 Feb 2022 09:37 GMT

adult friendship is really just shooting off texts like yes hello I'm not dead yet can I arrange to see you in four to six weeks

Saint (S.T.) Gibson IS OPEN TO QUERIES (@s_t_gibson)Thu, 17 Feb 2022 23:43 GMT

I often wonder how many people this was an early sexual awakening for twitter.com/chrissylcox/st…

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https://twitter.com/ZiziFothSi/status/1494682305528414208

This one?

human parody (@ChrisSylcox)Fri, 18 Feb 2022 23:52 GMT

Katie (@ZiziFothSi)Sat, 19 Feb 2022 10:00 GMT

https://twitter.com/ZiziFothSi/status/1494975081898024968

Humanity is a bunch of horny weirdos except for me, who only thinks pure good perfect thoughts

Katie (@ZiziFothSi)Sat, 19 Feb 2022 10:04 GMT

Loaded up Oxygen Not Included this morning, it being the weekend, but all I could think about was the code I've been writing this week and how much I want to get back to work on it, and that's how I know I've finally broken.

Bodil, all her apes gone (@bodil)Sat, 19 Feb 2022 11:07 GMT

Jane’s a fucking genius.

Kate H 🇪🇺🧡 (@KateHeywood8)Wed, 16 Feb 2022 18:33 GMT

https://twitter.com/ksylor/status/1494675737793728518

One thing I didn't realize when I was younger is the absolute joy of being proven wrong--it almost always means there's a better way of doing things, and at the same time you end up with more ownership and a broader understanding of the problem.

Annie Sullivan (@anniesullie)Fri, 18 Feb 2022 14:23 GMT

A very underrated skill in senior engineers is knowing that sometimes you have to let other engineers make choices that you think are wrong. Most likely, they will learn from their mistakes, just like you did.

Katie Sylor-Miller (@ksylor)Fri, 18 Feb 2022 14:10 GMT

I’m writing Spider Ma’am, about a middle aged woman who gets bitten by a radioactive spider but keeps it to herself because she doesn’t freaking need this.

Wendy Molyneux (@WendyMolyneux)Fri, 18 Feb 2022 07:30 GMT

A dating app called Unhinged and we just post all out red flags and see if anyone is still interested

Molly Kornfeld (@molly_kornfeld)Mon, 07 Feb 2022 16:26 GMT

LOL

NodeOp (@NodeOp)Wed, 16 Feb 2022 09:40 GMT

Yet another OSS vampire show up: Vampire: We have a big production issue with your code. Me: Could you upload a reproducible example or a send a PR to fix it? Vampire: No, we just migrated away from your code because we had so many problems with it. Me: <close the issue>

Matteo Collina (@matteocollina)Fri, 18 Feb 2022 17:04 GMT

https://twitter.com/slutpilled/status/1494712463983624197

if you are a 'paypig' who can't adequately compensate your domme, you effectively become the findom because you are exploiting your domme's labor without fair compensation

violet valentine (@slutpilled)Fri, 18 Feb 2022 17:05 GMT

https://twitter.com/slutpilled/status/1494711945651490817

istg i get 10 messages a week asking if i will be someone's findom and then they get cagey when i tell them what it'll cost... that's literally the whole kink??????????

violet valentine (@slutpilled)Fri, 18 Feb 2022 16:36 GMT

why are there so many broke dudes who want to be finsubs??

violet valentine (@slutpilled)Fri, 18 Feb 2022 16:34 GMT

a nice thing about writing with less jargon is that if what I'm saying doesn't make sense, it's easy for readers to call me on it if you use a lot of impenetrable jargon, people will often think the problem is with *them* instead of with your writing

🔎Julia Evans🔍 (@b0rk)Fri, 18 Feb 2022 14:50 GMT

“Hello everyone I’m Pebbles the foster pup & this is my favorite pillow I take everywhere”

Ned Pyle (@NerdPyle)Fri, 18 Feb 2022 02:51 GMT

Immunocompromised people can’t just live in a vacuum. They’re a part of society too. They are your doctors, teachers, bankers, baristas, grocery store clerks etc. Please stop saying that high risk people should just stay home so others can live their lives without inconvenience.

Lisa Marie Walters (@TheLisaWalters)Thu, 17 Feb 2022 19:37 GMT

Is the U.K. O.K. ?

Bel Trew (@Beltrew)Fri, 18 Feb 2022 13:53 GMT

Things you should not do. Choose red for CLI logging that isn't an error.

Laurie (@laurieontech)Thu, 17 Feb 2022 22:54 GMT

https://twitter.com/putasinghonit/status/1494349347470954503

Fixed it for ya

Mark S. Hughes (@hughesms)Thu, 17 Feb 2022 20:20 GMT

anyone who slacks you “hey” with no question in the first message apparently does not experience anxiety

Justina (@jtinachen)Thu, 17 Feb 2022 18:14 GMT

https://twitter.com/courtney_berger/status/1494307655715897351

Employers always demand a level of courtesy and deference that they would never in a million years consider extending to employees. We’re sick of it.

Pope of Chili Town (@ChiliTownPope)Thu, 17 Feb 2022 14:36 GMT