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The idea that 5.1 billion people watched The Queen's funeral is fucking ludicrous. It might've been broadcast to a potential audience of that number but there is no chance they all watched it. None.

Concerned Citizen (@shinyandnew70)Mon, 19 Sep 2022 22:13 +0000

after Adam Levine cheating on his wife let’s remember & normalize the fact that cheating was never about a woman’s lack of beauty, worth or anything for that matter but instead a man’s abundance of insecurities, unworthiness & desperation. don’t let men manipulate that reality

s h e n n a 💛✨🦋 (@shenna_brook)Mon, 19 Sep 2022 18:07 +0000

today I learned that Adam Levine is married to a VS model then I learned that he cheated on her after 8 yrs of marriage while she’s pregnant w/ their 3rd child and 3 secs after THAT I learned he wanted to name the child he’s expecting after his mistress hold on I need a minute

juls 🌹 (@liljulsie)Mon, 19 Sep 2022 18:57 +0000

Sal is THE MOST toxic type of guy. He claims to be soooo nice but talks nonsense shit about Mal just bc she didn’t bend to his will. And he’s surrounded by women who inflate his ego & enable his toxic sense of moral superiority. #loveisblind #LoveIsBlindAftertheAltar

Reality_Check (@Realitty_Check)Sun, 18 Sep 2022 01:03 +0000

Deepti and Kyle being the real love story of this season was such a pleasant plot twist. But love that Netflix was also like "lol btw divorces for eveyone" in the last like 6 seconds of the show. #LoveIsBlind #LoveIsBlindAftertheAltar

Hope (@infamousbraniac)Sat, 17 Sep 2022 01:07 +0000

"quiet quitting" isn't good enough. i want to be an Italian bureaucrat who collects a full salary despite not coming in to work for 32 years

extremely online and incredibly employed (@MilesKlee)Thu, 25 Aug 2022 21:36 +0000

The monotony of adulthood. Sometimes I feel like I get up everyday and go to work and come home perform my responsibilities and then sleep just to do the same shit all over again...everyday.

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What's an adult problem nobody prepared you for?

Jodi-Ann Quarrie (Yoo Need More Jodi) (@yooneedmorejodi)Thu, 25 Aug 2022 01:26 +0000

Make Oxtail Cheap Again (@simsimmaaz)Sun, 28 Aug 2022 20:24 +0000

This airport has a snake-telling-off room

Josh Weller (@joshweller)Mon, 19 Sep 2022 09:13 +0000

You are so much more than just your work.

Marissa Goldberg (@mar15sa)Mon, 19 Sep 2022 21:01 +0000

Evergreen meme

Lily Simpson has blue hair + pronouns (@LilySimpson1312)Sun, 18 Sep 2022 22:10 +0000

I love how TikTok is the app to hate on but then every other social app and the harm they do is also ignored. Hot Take: Just throw away your phone. It's a perfect solution with zero nuance.

Lock Down Your Life - I Hunt Stalkers (@lockdownurlife)Mon, 19 Sep 2022 18:15 +0000

https://twitter.com/sabrinaesaquino/status/1571877085471195136

It depends

Gabriel R. Soares (@_grsoares)Mon, 19 Sep 2022 15:04 +0000

oh, you're a programmer? so how much is 0.1 + 0.2?

Sabrina (@sabrinaesaquino)Mon, 19 Sep 2022 15:01 +0000

When you've got a tricky shot but the table is near the wall

Eugene (@eugeneh84)Mon, 19 Sep 2022 16:10 +0000

My toxic trait is going on LinkedIn and cold messaging Black engineers at the company I'm interviewing for to make sure the vibes are right.

Sailor Ghoul 👻 (@javavvitch)Mon, 19 Sep 2022 18:09 +0000

Liz Truss' speech was good, wasn't it? Let's face it.

Jonesy (they/them) 🇬🇧🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ 🌹🐝💙💛 (@jonesy_nb)Mon, 19 Sep 2022 11:00 +0000

Dear @TwitterSupport if the trending topics could pay attention to my blocked terms and users that would be great. Thanks.

Pumpkin Spice Lindsey (@lindseybieda)Mon, 19 Sep 2022 18:43 +0000

https://twitter.com/gunnarmorling/status/1571866420006240256

Don't let them forget that those links should stay available. Even next year, and the one after that.

Andrey Satarin (@asatarin)Mon, 19 Sep 2022 16:40 +0000

Hey conference organizers: could you please *always* have unique descriptive URLs for each talk on the agenda?! No JavaScript, no pop-ups, no UUIDs. Let folks share links to the talks they're excited about 🙏!

Gunnar Morling 🌍 (@gunnarmorling)Mon, 19 Sep 2022 14:18 +0000

I continue to be taunted by my grandfather's killer

Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w)Tue, 15 Oct 2013 04:34 +0000

how is that like earth at all then

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NEWS 🚨: NASA has discovered a nearby Earth-like exoplanet using the James Webb Telescope, but it rains lava at night

Latest in space (@latestinspace)Fri, 03 Jun 2022 14:01 +0000

MattWillPost (@MattPostSaysHi)Mon, 19 Sep 2022 00:39 +0000

hey what happened to the good old days about updating your facebook status to vague and depressing song lyrics and have your friends comment asking “whats up hun xoxoxo”

maisie 💖 v-23 days (@maisieccino)Mon, 19 Sep 2022 19:11 +0000

MCU Thotcast, a Megan Thee Stallion stan account (@MCUThotcast)Mon, 19 Sep 2022 19:06 +0000

https://twitter.com/TreborRhurbarb/status/1571558017878876162

The original

Fabrice Biron 🇫🇷🇬🇧 (@FabriceBiron)Mon, 19 Sep 2022 07:15 +0000

Europe's Leading Soccer Futurologist (@TreborRhurbarb)Sun, 18 Sep 2022 17:53 +0000

Something I loved learning in my Masters (in attachment theory) is that humor is usually a sign of secure relating. I like to think it’s also a sign of inner security: when we can laugh at ourselves and our problems.

Heidi Priebe (healing era 🌱) (@HeidiPriebe1)Mon, 19 Sep 2022 14:39 +0000

https://twitter.com/HeidiPriebe1/status/1571871585396740096

Yes there’s a time to be serious & focused but there’s also a time to just look at a situation and go ‘well, that was some fucked up shit’ and laugh about it. Sometimes that’s honestly the healthier approach than obsessively trying to unpack it.

Heidi Priebe (healing era 🌱) (@HeidiPriebe1)Mon, 19 Sep 2022 14:44 +0000

https://twitter.com/Carolz_Carrot/status/1570774977183649792

Funny, I just had the opposite thought. Nick always seems annoyed by Danielle

Cha (@charlotterc21)Fri, 16 Sep 2022 19:49 +0000

AS IF Sal is still angry that Mallory got drunk one afternoon when he had a women showing up at his sisters CRYING confused why their bf Sal was engaged #afterthealtar #LoveIsBlindAfterTheAlter #LoveIsBlind

poetrythatunpicks (@poetthatunpicks)Fri, 16 Sep 2022 20:26 +0000

Married or not, Jarrette’s lifestyle is ridiculous for a grown ass man. Iyannah was smart to leave him. #LoveIsBlind

:) (@chattyreality)Fri, 16 Sep 2022 15:11 +0000

Jarrette knew what he needed to do ages ago to repair his marriage with Iyanna, but he didnt do it. Then at dinner he's just repeating "yeah, ik exactly what I need to do" THEN WHY HAVEN'T YOU DONE IT?? This man wasn't ready to change at all #LoveIsBlindAftertheAltar #LoveIsBlind

your boyfriend's best friend (@Nasibu12fkcn3)Fri, 16 Sep 2022 13:41 +0000

Sal is trash. Toxic trash. He only brought his trash gf to this get together because he wanted to make Mallory jealous! But he’s only ending up making Mallory look like a class act! 🤷🏻‍♀️ #LoveIsBlindAftertheAltar #LoveIsBlind

CatMiss Evergreen (@graffitteee)Fri, 16 Sep 2022 08:46 +0000

Me after seeing Danielle say her and Nick planned trips a year in advance knowing they’d be married when they just recently announced their divorce #LoveIsBlindAftertheAltar #LoveIsBlind

Steph R. 🌻 (@stephdizzle11)Fri, 16 Sep 2022 19:42 +0000

Why are Sal and his gf acting like Mallory is being unreasonable? She's in an awkward position and she doesn't have to overextend herself to make you two feel more comfortable. Respect her boundary. #LoveIsBlind #LoveIsBlindAftertheAltar

🎶🎵Alien Superstar🎶🎵 (@LaBellaReina1)Fri, 16 Sep 2022 11:38 +0000

"I never liked Shayne. I never wanted Shayne" Is she insane??????? How can you lie like that💀💀 #LoveIsBlind #LoveIsBlindAftertheAltar

your boyfriend's best friend (@Nasibu12fkcn3)Fri, 16 Sep 2022 11:54 +0000

Viserys after every episode #HouseOfTheDragon

Free Folk Memes (@FreeFolkMemes)Mon, 19 Sep 2022 02:29 +0000

Work: We've found your Twitter account. Me:

The Glasto Thingy (@TheGlastoThingy)Sat, 17 Sep 2022 21:20 +0000

First they came for the firestarters and I did not speak out, for I was not a twisted firestarter…

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Equality Act 2010: Who is covered by disability law? Regulations specifically exclude the following conditions: • tendencies to set fires

teacup 🇪🇺 (@teacup)Sat, 19 Sep 2015 19:56 +0000

Terence Eden (@edent)Sat, 19 Sep 2015 20:16 +0000

Adult friendships be like “I miss you bro, let's hang out in November".

max〽️ (@Maxthepapi)Sat, 17 Sep 2022 06:25 +0000

Here’s a little reminder in honor of Bi Visibility Week 💕

Amanda ✨ should be revising (@awishwrites)Sat, 17 Sep 2022 15:45 +0000

https://twitter.com/jayforeman/status/1571750017635094528

mobile.twitter.com/iarentspartacu… it's just what she'd have wanted 🤔

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It'll be a difficult wank admittedly....

Rob C (@iarentspartacus)Sat, 17 Sep 2022 13:08 +0000

Kev S (@kevjs1982)Mon, 19 Sep 2022 06:40 +0000

https://twitter.com/iarentspartacus/status/1571124052059881480

An opportunity for the Nation to come together over the Queen.

Steve Morrison (@chopper32)Sun, 18 Sep 2022 09:09 +0000

https://twitter.com/iarentspartacus/status/1571124052059881480

It’s okay, if you click it you’ll see it’s just cosplay of the queen pretending to be “stuck”

Malachi (@cooper12278)Sun, 18 Sep 2022 17:43 +0000

thats called having friends you weirdo

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My best life decision was to build a Personal Board of Advisors. Everyone should have one. Here's my process to get started:

MATT GRAY (@matt_gray_)Sat, 17 Sep 2022 12:09 +0000

0xbee (@bee_sec_san)Sat, 17 Sep 2022 18:21 +0000

It'll be a difficult wank admittedly....

Rob C (@iarentspartacus)Sat, 17 Sep 2022 13:08 +0000

I hate explanations that are like, 'People won't accept new behavioral norms in the name of public health because of centuries-old psychocultural commitments'. Bro, these same people stopped smoking in restaurants in the 90s.

Justin Feldman (@jfeldman_epi)Sun, 18 Sep 2022 14:59 +0000

Society: “autistic people do not understand hierarchies”. Me: *knows that hierarchies exist and understands how they operate, but doesn’t value them and doesn’t believe any human is: a) more important than another; or b) should mistreat/exploit those “lower down” the hierarchy*.

Callum Stephen (He/Him) (@AutisticCallum_)Fri, 16 Sep 2022 16:33 +0000

Personally I am looking forward to tomorrow when we go back to debt, fuel crisis and our international relations disaster and all the thousands who stood in line for hours sit at home saying “nothing we can do to change it “

Stella (@RisuToInu)Mon, 19 Sep 2022 07:45 +0000

Wow. Appreciate the honesty... I think?

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A woman on the news just said that viewing the queen was better than having her children.

The Grit (@theGrit_music)Mon, 19 Sep 2022 07:24 +0000

We are Childfree (@WeareChildfree)Mon, 19 Sep 2022 07:49 +0000