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I went pro after college

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Congratulations to the Fight’n Texas Aggie Meat Judging Team. The team won the National Championship in Intercollegiate Meat Judging.

Ray R. Riley (@AgRiley79)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 03:27 GMT

j̵͍̎i̸̗͛z̵͔̎z̴̗͌w̴̥̽i̵̛̮t̷̛̟c̶̣͝h̸͉̍ (@fingerbIaster)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 07:28 GMT

https://twitter.com/CarolSaysThings/status/1592058776416391168

aaand this is why i’m never late 😅

Carol ⭐️ (@CarolSaysThings)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 07:36 GMT

Is Twitter getting slower? Lots of small things seem to be breaking randomly.

David Fowler 🇧🇧🇺🇸 (@davidfowl)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 00:42 GMT

There's something about Mastodon that has this old-timey internet feel to it, if that makes sense. It reminds me of joining an a forum or community online in the late '90s or early 2000s where you really had to learn the mores and personality of the place.

Ashton Pittman (@ashtonpittman)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 03:11 GMT

It’s never DNS. It’s always RPCs.

Scott Hanselman (@shanselman)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 07:55 GMT

https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1591813228119855104

What’s it like to be such a bad poster that you had to buy the website to compensate

eve6 (@Eve6)Sun, 13 Nov 2022 15:39 GMT

Laid off from Twitter on a Saturday evening. No explanation, just all access removed. Happy holidays, everyone!

Melissa Ingle (@mingle74)Sun, 13 Nov 2022 01:35 GMT

https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1591813228119855104

you just unironically launched a senate investigation on yourself from this 💀

Mahmoud Abdellatif (@Mahmoud_NYC)Sun, 13 Nov 2022 15:22 GMT

https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1591813228119855104

Brilliant. Nothing keeps away government investigation and intervention like mocking a Senator for legitimate concerns, all while degrading the utility of this platform. You're killing it. Literally.

Harmonicat🇺🇲🇺🇦 (@TaoOfCats)Sun, 13 Nov 2022 15:27 GMT

https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1591817319143313408

My goodness. You definitely need some lessons on respect and responsibility do you not? This gentleman has legitimate concerns and you mock his mask? Covid isn’t over and people are still dying dude. I’ve just lost the last ounce of respect I had for you.

🌸🦋Joy🦋🌸BSN,RN,CLC (@rn_wing)Sun, 13 Nov 2022 17:07 GMT

https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1591817319143313408

Your strategy of mocking Democratic senator over sincere question regarding security Twitter after you fired everyone who does security, and continue to act erratically, will certainty quell political concerns you're catering to MAGA extremists & susceptible for foreign influence

David Rothschild 🌻 (@DavMicRot)Sun, 13 Nov 2022 15:43 GMT

If SBF ends up destroying crypto maybe he was an effective altruist after all

Ryan Grim (@ryangrim)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 03:31 GMT

I love the difference between dog and cat rescue stories. dog owners will be like oh I prepped for months and applied and had a home check then did a foster to adopt trial period and then the rescue chose me! and cat owners are like .. I found him in the trash

danielle weisberg (@danielleweisber)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 19:26 GMT

grabbing my dick and making it flop around like an inflatable wacky arm dude

Twinkdeath Cab for Cutie 🏳️‍⚧️ (@TwinkDemoIisher)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 04:13 GMT

https://twitter.com/bartcrouchend/status/1591874290005463040

What's with the giant product box next to it?

Lee Thompson-Herbert (@scotchfairy)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 06:51 GMT

https://twitter.com/Jonny_Specs/status/1591736764762411008

Very similar to the festive statue in Oslo…

Malcolm Wilson 🏳️‍⚧️ 🦋🧜🏼‍♀️🧜‍♂️ (@MalcolmWilson01)Sun, 13 Nov 2022 17:08 GMT

Hark! A beautiful way to adorn and add festive cheer to the Christian home 🎄

Jonny (@Jonny_Specs)Sun, 13 Nov 2022 10:16 GMT

My econ professor said “beef” 125 times in a single lecture. Here are all of them

Tino Cardasis (@CardasisTino)Mon, 23 Dec 2019 19:54 GMT

7 months later this reply has never been funnier

𝐒𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐚 🏳️‍⚧️ (@MOMMYBlGDICK)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 04:27 GMT

https://twitter.com/anniierau/status/1591912966810918912

THAT’S MY VIDEO!!!!

Tino Cardasis (@CardasisTino)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 01:18 GMT

one time in college a professor spent 90 minutes talking about an example scenario that involved beef and i thought nothing of it until several weeks later when i found out that my classmate had made a minute long compilation of all 125 times he said "beef" in one lecture

Annie? Rauwerda? (@anniierau)Sun, 13 Nov 2022 21:56 GMT

My ex and I get along okay- I lent him my car for a week while his was in the shop. but I’ll be goddamned if I didn’t take some joy at him having to drive around my car with all of the strangest bumper stickers. Especially the one with the hitachi that’s says “come and take it”

Katelyn Bowden (@medus4_cdc)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 04:09 GMT

https://twitter.com/medus4_cdc/status/1592006670628290566

Look, it’s the little things in life, ok? Yes, he can borrow my car but hes got to deal with my “MILF (Man, I Love Furbies) bumper sticker. And the one that says “Bigfoot is real and he’s gay (don’t believe me? just ask him)”

Katelyn Bowden (@medus4_cdc)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 04:28 GMT

I finished open enrollment and the deadline is still 39 whole minutes away. #PuttingTheFunInExecutiveDysfunction

brian wisti (@brianwisti)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 04:29 GMT

Fellowship of Fans (@FellowshipFans)Sun, 13 Nov 2022 01:33 GMT

https://twitter.com/ErhanPasa16/status/1591721224119660544

Cause being funny is wrong

Marc Soliz (@SolizwithaZ)Sun, 13 Nov 2022 15:22 GMT

https://twitter.com/sachee/status/1591857120768843776

my favorite musk tweets are when he skims emails from his engineers and clumsily regurgitates phrases he clearly doesn't understand because he likes to pretend to be involved in the technical stuff

satanic butthole enthusiast (@stupidestMirror)Sun, 13 Nov 2022 20:53 GMT

https://twitter.com/stupidestMirror/status/1591897134349307904

"Supposing you brought the RPCs inside the body, which you can do either through the skin or some other way, and I think we're going to test that, too..."

parseword (@shaun@mastodon.xyz) (@parseword)Sun, 13 Nov 2022 22:11 GMT

Ms. Frizzle when a concerned parent asks how their child ended up in someone’s colon

iamhunkydory (@itschergurl)Sun, 13 Nov 2022 20:49 GMT

☀️👀 (@zei_squirrel)Sun, 13 Nov 2022 20:59 GMT

You know, if first graders can deal with active shooter drills, then gun owners can deal with background checks, waiting periods and red flag laws.

Mohamad Safa (@mhdksafa)Sun, 13 Nov 2022 19:29 GMT

https://twitter.com/justkelly_ok/status/1592023661913206785

If I’m a SpaceX or Tesla shareholder, well first of all that would never happen, but if I WAS - I’d be selling so fast

Kelly Ellis (@justkelly_ok)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 05:22 GMT

HOLYSHIT RUGRATS BECuse they CRAWL ON RUGS Like little RATS RUGRATS

ali - LOOKING for mid level developer roles!! 🐀 (@endingwithali)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 04:22 GMT

saying go piss girl when someone needs to pee is just as respectful and important as saying bless u when someone sneezes and i stand by that.

ej (@xejbxyd)Sun, 13 Nov 2022 20:33 GMT

I hate it when people who hate me are assholes in my mentions, but I hate it even more when people who like me are assholes in my mentions. Who are you trying to impress? Me? My whole brand is trying to not be an asshole.

Hank Green (@hankgreen)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 05:38 GMT

I can admit when I'm wrong and I was wrong about @elonmusk. No one was more skeptical than I - but his decisions this week have shown he really *can* put a social network on the path to unprecedented success. Specifically Mastodon.

🤦‍♂️ Andrew James Carter (@Carter_AndrewJ)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 13:57 GMT

How an owl runs might surprise you.

Fascinating (@fasc1nate)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 05:45 GMT

https://twitter.com/pokemoniku/status/1591948935811432448

Maybe he should ask questions privately. Maybe using Slack or email. 🤷‍♂️

Eric Frohnhoefer @ 🏡 (@EricFrohnhoefer)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 03:05 GMT

https://twitter.com/pokemoniku/status/1591948935811432448

Not when he just fired half the company and is trying to take credit for identifying a problem a dev says doesn't exist. If the boss doesn't treat his organization with respect, then he brings disrespect on himself.

Patrick Beall (@PatrickBeall3)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 00:28 GMT

https://twitter.com/pokemoniku/status/1591948935811432448

Tweeting things like this is not how you support a dev team.

Kelly Ellis (@justkelly_ok)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 06:00 GMT

I have spent ~6yrs working on Twitter for Android and can say this is wrong. twitter.com/elonmusk/statu…

Eric Frohnhoefer @ 🏡 (@EricFrohnhoefer)Sun, 13 Nov 2022 21:14 GMT

This man got me to clean and organize my closet. 🫠

Sailor Ghoul 👻 (@javavvitch)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 06:10 GMT

https://twitter.com/javavvitch/status/1592037582594248706

But it is also terrible because I immediately think someone is judging my entire home and must deep clean it at 1 in the morning.

Sailor Ghoul 👻 (@javavvitch)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 06:13 GMT

If the government had just provided good regulation, I never would have bought that jpeg of a rock for $400K

Dow (@mark_dow)Sun, 13 Nov 2022 13:56 GMT

https://twitter.com/javavvitch/status/1592037351479451648

The fact that someone is staying in my apartment ALL. DAY. is an anxiety feat tbh.

Sailor Ghoul 👻 (@javavvitch)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 06:11 GMT

I think it could be this, but it also could be that he’s trying to make Twitter look more poorly-managed than it actually was, to make himself look better. And especially to make the layoffs/firings look smart. twitter.com/glennf/status/…

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I expect the reason Elon keeps posting bad data, like it costs $400 a day per person to feed Twitter employees lunch and dinner, is that his remaining employees hate him and are feeding him bad data of a kind that they know he will uncritically tweet.

Glenn Fleishman 🐀🐕 (@GlennF)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 06:18 GMT

Kelly Ellis (@justkelly_ok)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 06:22 GMT

I expect the reason Elon keeps posting bad data, like it costs $400 a day per person to feed Twitter employees lunch and dinner, is that his remaining employees hate him and are feeding him bad data of a kind that they know he will uncritically tweet.

Glenn Fleishman 🐀🐕 (@GlennF)Mon, 14 Nov 2022 06:18 GMT

Respectful Memes (@RespectfulMemes)Sun, 13 Nov 2022 22:01 GMT

https://twitter.com/sudsmixer/status/1591175680158740482

No one wants to fuck you, Ron

Siilverprick (Silenthill townie) (@siilverprick)Sun, 13 Nov 2022 15:58 GMT

https://twitter.com/ninav914/status/1591162285296594945

Y'all have really got to get better material, this is just embarrassing to believe in 2022

Kim in Space ⚛ (@kiminspace1986)Fri, 11 Nov 2022 20:40 GMT