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There are Tory MPs in Church today, dressed in their Sunday best. They will listen to The Good Samaritan parable and likely proclaim peace and love to all. Tomorrow they will go back to supporting the deportation of the most vulnerable & traumatised people to Rwanda.

Howard Beckett (@BeckettUnite)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 09:09 GMT

https://twitter.com/JimMFelton/status/1606610761702408192

Interesting they managed to find and film a homeless person who thinks ‘if the City does well, we all do…’ 🥴

Jemma Forte (@jemmaforte)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 12:06 GMT

There’s out of touch and then there’s a millionaire asking a homeless man in a homeless shelter if he’s in financial services

James Felton (@JimMFelton)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 11:20 GMT

https://twitter.com/jemmaforte/status/1606622408424701952

That’s the oddest part of this convo for me. Not Sunak trying to chat to him but a homeless bloke who thinks the city’s success helps us all. 🤷🏾‍♂️

Jay Motty (@JayMotty)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 17:20 GMT

https://twitter.com/JimMFelton/status/1606610761702408192

Why provide actual help for homeless people when you can use them as a Christmassy PR opportunity

James Felton (@JimMFelton)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 11:23 GMT

MDMA is a profound and fickle drug; it has the potential to make deeply traumatized people love themselves, and yet millions take it in the wrong circumstances and end up loving only European techno

Sasha Chapin (@sashachapin)Mon, 19 Dec 2022 07:27 GMT

OMG I’ve opened my gifts and I am so sorted for Christmas Day! (fridge magnet is divorce humour from my daughter - laughed so hard and I’m such a lucky dad 🥰🥰)

Steven Pears (@StevenPears)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 08:18 GMT

Just your seasonal reminder that you're not obliged to spend time around toxic people or in toxic environments. In life, you build your own family.

Jen (OnTheMove) 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 (@JenOnTheMoveUK)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 20:57 GMT

First Christmas Day totally on my own. - Got up when I was ready - Made a double espresso so strong it almost made me believe in Santa again - Just cooking bacon and brioche for breakfast - Two gifts to open then I’m gonna game all day Yeah I’ve had worst Christmases 😂

Steven Pears (@StevenPears)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 08:00 GMT

Happy last minute panic-shop to everyone who celebrates.

I just saw the Milky Way with my bare eyes for the first time in my life 🥲

Happy Xmas Eve 4:20 Mountain Time! Next show: 4:20 Pacific

Doug Benson (@DougBenson)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 23:24 GMT

SYLVIA NOOOOOOOO

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The stove is gradually becoming more of a friend. 1951

Sylvia Plath's Food Diary (@whatsylviaate)Fri, 23 Dec 2022 16:00 GMT

warm human (@w000rm)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 00:50 GMT

The stove is gradually becoming more of a friend. 1951

Sylvia Plath's Food Diary (@whatsylviaate)Fri, 23 Dec 2022 16:00 GMT

My 22yo flight instructor who gets paid $22/hr to literally risk his life sitting next to me every time we fly has never lost his temper w/me or tried to make me feel stupid, but my EM boss who makes $540K/yr can't take morning handover w/out actively trying to make someone cry.

Flying Lady Doctor Says | ☭ | تقول الطبيبة | 🇮🇶 (@LadyDoctorSays)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 03:32 GMT

Does he know?

Braden 🏺 (@BradenIsBased)Fri, 23 Dec 2022 19:22 GMT

https://twitter.com/Dixie3Flatline/status/1606840751941615617

anyway these christmas car sale ads have always struck me as particularly wild because they usually feature a husband surprising his wife with a car for christmas and who the fuck makes a purchase that large without consulting the person he is legally and financially tied to

Kat Cosgrove (Rat Arc) 🐀 (@Dixie3Flatline)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 02:36 GMT

The idea of a CEO touching servers after calling the software a Rube Goldberg machine is the stuff of nightmares.

Laurie (@laurieontech)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 16:14 GMT

how old were u when u found out that the irish potato famine wasn’t a famine at all and it was just the british stealing all their food

booty noodles (@bigsnugga)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 11:43 GMT

hey guys last time Santa came to my house he said instead of milk and cookies he actually wants ketamine and oxys just fyi

Stanzi ❤️‍🔥 (@stanzipotenza)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 05:11 GMT

christmas belongs to her

NOSTALGIA (@notgwendalupe)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 17:25 GMT

In case you were wondering, for Santa, in a single 24-hr Earth-night, to deliver presents to all those who celebrate Christmas, he must visit 25,000 homes per second.

Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 23:02 GMT

https://twitter.com/NjTank99/status/1606838177712701440

Damn bro he never said Santa couldn't do it.

Rudy (@RudyLTX)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 02:47 GMT

One of the most powerful survival skills is flexibility. I will always value safe and relaxed time with my loved ones over pushing through dangerous situations to do it on a certain day because of tradition. Do what you need to stay safe. One day isn’t worth putting lives at risk

Amanda Hu (@amandalhu)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 16:18 GMT

https://twitter.com/MarketAlly/status/1606705534861803522

Do you ever carefully read what you type (or the tweet you're responding to) before sending it?

Ivan the K™ (@IvanTheK)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 17:39 GMT

Me keep having to start new batch of cookies for Santa because me keep eating them.

Cookie Monster (@MeCookieMonster)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 18:01 GMT

This is the funniest thing I've ever read

Lara Mendonça (@laraisuncool)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 00:43 GMT

https://twitter.com/laraisuncool/status/1606450360620654592

M*sk trying to figure out his next move in any game of chess:

Rob Hunt (@helloiamrob)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 00:56 GMT

cookiephus

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Me keep having to start new batch of cookies for Santa because me keep eating them.

Cookie Monster (@MeCookieMonster)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 18:01 GMT

🎄 stick 🎄 (jolly) (@briggityboppity)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 23:21 GMT

https://twitter.com/MatthwBlack/status/1075747948653355008

You fools have it all wrong! It's not about any holiday! Die Hard is about socks! Why else would that guy tell John to remove his socks & make fists with his feet? Holly's boss' name? Takagi: the Japanese word for soft foot covering. & limo driver named Argyle? I rest my case

No one (@stoppedcaring19)Fri, 21 Dec 2018 15:15 GMT

https://twitter.com/MatthwBlack/status/1075747948653355008

The Die Hard screenplay wasn’t even written until scores of years AFTER Hans Gruber died.

Eric Owens (@ericowensdc)Sun, 23 Dec 2018 05:07 GMT

I love Twitter.

Fake History Hunter (@fakehistoryhunt)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 17:31 GMT

The thing is, Die Hard wasn’t a Christmas movie originally. The script was changed by Constantine in 336 to align it with the Sol Invictus festival.

Matthew Black (@MatthwBlack)Thu, 20 Dec 2018 13:41 GMT

https://twitter.com/MatthwBlack/status/1075747948653355008

IT WAS DECLARED A CHRISTMAS MOVIE AT THE COUNCIL OF NICEA I CAN’T BELIEVE I HAVE TO GET ANGRY ABOUT THIS

The Messianic Secret (@MessianicSecret)Fri, 21 Dec 2018 03:36 GMT

This might be a controversial opinion, especially at Christmastime, but they should add a second god to Christianity to spice things up

pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 06:12 GMT

Happy birthday to the greatest Christmas tweet of all time

Chugging pilk at 2AM and getting a tummy ache (@_GASLIGHTER)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 06:14 GMT

https://twitter.com/IanColdwater/status/1606898590303268865

Some kid isn't with their daddy on Christmas morning because he's out on protest zone harassment duty. Go home

Ian Coldwater (@IanColdwater)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 06:31 GMT

"areas of expertise" has been a great matrix to quickly skim over all important parts of @calcom and who is knowledgeable ✅ = has knowledge 🥇 = is their main priority ⚠️ = is the only one with knowledge 👀 = has no knowledge but wants to be onboarded cal.com/open

Peer Richelsen 🗓🍊 (@peer_rich)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 17:42 GMT

https://twitter.com/monkchips/status/1606830217154240512

You got tinnitus for Christmas!

@codepope@mastodon.org.uk (@Codepope)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 07:10 GMT

In 'Elf' (2003) most of the montage of Buddy discovering New York was unscripted Jon Favreau would drop Will Ferrell off in random spots in the city and have him mess with people in character

Film Facts 🎬 (@Factsonfilm)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 01:36 GMT

https://twitter.com/VancityReynolds/status/1606696064194674688

I always thought DEADPOOL was an International Woman's Day movie.

Aditya Sood (@adityasood)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 17:14 GMT

i mean it only takes place on christmas for 8 minutes lol

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Did Chan just confirm the first Deadpool is a Christmas movie? Happy Holi-stays!

Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 16:59 GMT

Alex (@Brazil201)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 17:17 GMT

Bro just recorded the rarest moment in history

Overtime (@overtime)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 17:32 GMT

https://twitter.com/electraphibetas/status/1606844302197391360

Dawn got a PPP loan with 3 Million forgiven! Those were OUR taxes too!

Christmas W.A.P.(Wrong Ass Person) (@cat_shar)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 05:18 GMT

me on Mount Crumpit cursing Whoville twitter.com/melissaong6942…

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i fucking hate christmas. it gives me the ick

Melissa Ong (@MelissaOng69420)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 20:35 GMT

Stanzi ❤️‍🔥 (@stanzipotenza)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 21:47 GMT

Why do I continue to work at Twitter? First, some backstory… I was the technical co-founder of Pownce, a social network and early competitor to Twitter. Here’s a video of 25-year-old me talking about Pownce (ht @jdlasica and @seeMOUSErun). vimeo.com/1239783

Leah Culver (@leahculver)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 18:01 GMT

One big reason I continue to work at Twitter is being able to work with inspiring and positive people like @leahculver! We met during our Hack Week project this year & I've been continuously motivated & inspired to think positively about the possibilities ahead for Twitter.

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Why do I continue to work at Twitter? First, some backstory… I was the technical co-founder of Pownce, a social network and early competitor to Twitter. Here’s a video of 25-year-old me talking about Pownce (ht @jdlasica and @seeMOUSErun). vimeo.com/1239783

Leah Culver (@leahculver)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 18:01 GMT

Melissa Merencillo (@seeMOUSErun)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 18:20 GMT

#ChristmasEve

Star Trek Minus Context (@NoContextTrek)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 22:16 GMT

My brother used, as wrapping paper, the €70 wallpaper that Mum had bought to redecorate rooms. Cannot cope ahahah First Christmas argument underway.

Daniel (@Danielobo148)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 13:00 GMT

Normal people perceive chaos when most of the company gets fired, domain experts are begged to return, infra is shut off with no regard for importance, and the CEO makes outlandishly false claims about technology he doesn’t understand. twitter.com/jason/status/1…

Twіtter API (not parody) instagram: fake_api (@fake_api)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 22:21 GMT