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New LTM: Date Night ❤️‍🩹 When healing, you can heal your duo partner if they are close to you. 💘 New Weapon: The Heart Stealer. A romantic variant of the Bocek Bow, which heals you with a percentage of the damage you deal. Starts February 7, will take over Duos mode.

Apex Legends News (@alphaINTEL)Thu, 19 Jan 2023 16:43 GMT

Things I say to my puppy without providing additional context part 1: "I know being alive is very exciting but that's still no reason to bite my booty"

Anaïs Urlichs Ⓥ (@urlichsanais)Tue, 17 Jan 2023 09:13 GMT

One of things that frustrates me more in OSS is… folks asking when we will implement a feature for them. To all whom need to hear this: in community projects, this is unlikely to happen. Send a PR or find a way to fund that development.

Matteo Collina (@matteocollina)Thu, 19 Jan 2023 17:04 GMT

Sadly, I’m on my way to the vet to say goodbye to her. Today is cancelled.

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This is Zelda, my pet ferret. Just dropped her off at the vet, she’s not been doing very well recently. I’ll just be here staring into space most of the day. Let’s hope she’s going to be OK ❤️ 😢

David Flanagan (@rawkode)Thu, 19 Jan 2023 12:18 GMT

David Flanagan (@rawkode)Thu, 19 Jan 2023 15:39 GMT

The bike shedding will continue until morale improves

Jerod Santo (@jerodsanto)Thu, 19 Jan 2023 14:03 GMT

Seeing people posting about being laid off after 30 years of employment at Microsoft is a great example of corporate loyalty.

Dare Obasanjo (@Carnage4Life)Thu, 19 Jan 2023 05:17 GMT

reading a post on Tumblr about how zoomers just have trans classmates and it's a normal, unsurprising thing now, and like, it's good to understand that we're *winning* and that's why there's so much culture war backlash against us

Cara (@caraesten)Wed, 18 Jan 2023 15:56 GMT

https://twitter.com/LeeAndersonMP_/status/1616005190036987906

Hi Katy do you mind posing for a photograph, I want to tweet out your salary and living arrangements in order to shit on people in completely different circumstances that have been forced to use food banks because of our callous and shitty government, cheers

James Felton (@JimMFelton)Thu, 19 Jan 2023 10:29 GMT

https://twitter.com/LeeAndersonMP_/status/1616005190036987906

Really hope someone offers Katy a better job on the back of this tweet.

David M Barnett (@davidmbarnett)Thu, 19 Jan 2023 11:14 GMT

having a cat is great. every day i'm like 'how did i live life before this.' i mean yes the crime rate in my house is up like 40,000% percent. but. worth it for the new experiences every day with this guy.

Premee Mohamed (@premeesaurus)Tue, 17 Jan 2023 16:44 GMT

me finding out who's been spending all my money

Monzo (@monzo)Thu, 19 Jan 2023 12:40 GMT

i’m sorry this is so fucking funny

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Donald Trump quietly driving his Rolls Royce while listening to Taylor Swift’s “Blank Space", filmed by Melania from the back seat with flash on.

Pop Base (@pojbase)Tue, 17 Jan 2023 11:42 GMT

kendall roygbiv (@keldotlauren)Wed, 18 Jan 2023 06:16 GMT

Donald Trump quietly driving his Rolls Royce while listening to Taylor Swift’s “Blank Space", filmed by Melania from the back seat with flash on.

Pop Base (@pojbase)Tue, 17 Jan 2023 11:42 GMT

https://twitter.com/washingtonpost/status/1615728989263302659

Isn’t this the same church that was established solely because King Henry VIII got into a fight with the Pope over his divorce from his 1st wife just so he could marry his side-chick???

i-land-gyal (@Allykhat1)Wed, 18 Jan 2023 16:25 GMT

ADHD is procrastinating my entire hierarchy of needs.

ADHD Jesse (@adhdjesse)Thu, 19 Jan 2023 03:24 GMT

That’s why Tesla is right about banning remote work. I know a guy who claims to work for Tesla but also has a gig at a Telcom, at a freight company, does a side job digging holes, sells medical implants AND trades crypto. But he spends most of his time shitposting on twitter.

Alex Van de Sande (avsa.eth) (@avsa)Tue, 17 Jan 2023 13:40 GMT

To my fellow dudes. Every niche on Twitter has a group chat made up of all the popular ladies. If you're a creep to one of them, they will all know.

Jack Forge (@TheJackForge)Thu, 19 Jan 2023 00:27 GMT

[Benoit Blanc in Shakira's house] It appeeyaz that the jayum has been eatuhn. But Gerard, you don't like jayum.

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Shakira deduced Piqué was cheating on her after she returned from traveling to find that her strawberry jam was eaten. Piqué has never eaten jam in his life.

Pop Tingz (@ThePopTingz)Tue, 17 Jan 2023 12:10 GMT

Mike (@michaelcollado)Tue, 17 Jan 2023 17:40 GMT

ADHD is struggling to remember what’s on your to do list all day, but then not being able to stop thinking about what’s on your to do list while you’re trying to fall asleep.

ADHD Designer (@ADHDdesigner)Thu, 19 Jan 2023 05:36 GMT

I've come to appreciate that unless you're a full-time content creator who can devote hours to polish, the only way to publish regularly is by embracing the approach of "working with the garage door up"

Therapist: and what do we do when we feel like this? Me: spin up another personal project I’ll never finish? Therapist: No.

Ashley Willis (McNamara) (@ashleymcnamara)Thu, 19 Jan 2023 02:06 GMT

https://twitter.com/xSirLean/status/1614775501276545024

🥹😂😂 y’all Please!😂😂😭😭😭

Aladdin 🧞✨✨ (@ednigma_617)Mon, 16 Jan 2023 05:42 GMT

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH 😡

MartinLuther Lean (@xSirLean)Mon, 16 Jan 2023 00:04 GMT

humpty dumpty is a transphobic story because they try to put the egg back together. let her hatch

Cloudy 🌩️ (estrogen angel) (@oncloud_e)Wed, 18 Jan 2023 20:10 GMT

Tech bro just discovered “hanging out” twitter.com/i/web/status/1…

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I've been thinking a lot about IRL podcasts: - Bring a few friends together - No mics, nothing is recorded - Have a free form discussion - Can even have food & drinks Has anyone tried this?

Roshan Patel (@roshanpateI)Tue, 17 Jan 2023 17:35 GMT

ansh nanda 🔗 (@anshnanda_)Tue, 17 Jan 2023 19:31 GMT

We're hiring influencers and by that I mean firefighters who influence the forest to no longer be on fire.

Washington State Dept. of Natural Resources (@waDNR)Wed, 18 Jan 2023 19:36 GMT

When you run a social media company and can’t write code but can tell good code when it’s printed out on paper.

Dare Obasanjo (@Carnage4Life)Wed, 18 Jan 2023 03:24 GMT

sorry but this is very funny bc Macbeth's first scene in MACBETH is literally him and Banquo asking the witches their pronouns

Anthony Oliveira (@meakoopa)Tue, 17 Jan 2023 23:47 GMT

https://twitter.com/adhdjesse/status/1615540352735412224

To clarify—since like 40 people tried to click the link—I bought the domain name because I thought it was funny. It’s not an existing app or anything, sorry if I got your hopes up. 🙃

ADHD Jesse (@adhdjesse)Wed, 18 Jan 2023 02:52 GMT

I really need to take action on this email, so it’s important I keep it unread and sitting in my inbox for the next 3, 6, or 12 months so I feel guilt and shame every time I see it which is 20 times a day.

ADHD Jesse (@adhdjesse)Tue, 17 Jan 2023 23:14 GMT

my wife is totally kinkshaming my cheating fetish

April Clark (@autogynefiles)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 00:07 GMT

I think one of the best parts about having worked in tech for an extended period and having a solid network that's moved around a bunch is that you can help a bunch of different companies get shit done and you have the contacts to get shit done when you need them

tierney cyren (parody) (@bitandbang)Wed, 18 Jan 2023 00:56 GMT

if this is the spin twitter has come up with to enforce a proprietary client, then it's pathetic. but on the other hand if it's the spin twitter has come up with because they accidentally broke their public api and cannot figure out how to fix it, it's also very funny.

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Twitter is enforcing its long-standing API rules. That may result in some apps not working.

Twitter Dev (@TwitterDev)Tue, 17 Jan 2023 17:49 GMT

webster (@Webster_Duck)Tue, 17 Jan 2023 19:22 GMT

https://twitter.com/janky_jane/status/1426981976142123010

There’s a lad is Cork who is called “Chili”, because his father’s name is Con Kearney.

Gerry Barry (@rockapotomus82)Tue, 17 Aug 2021 11:14 +0000

Props to anyone who tries to be fashionable in ireland i wore a red beret once in waterford and someone called me super mario

Jane (@janky_jane)Sun, 15 Aug 2021 18:59 +0000

There’s a baby in there 🥰 #25weeks

Kap (@kapehe_ok)Tue, 17 Jan 2023 17:56 GMT

5 years after they were separated in bosnia due to genocide, my dad found my mom living 7 states away and drove 24 hours (ended up in canada his first attempt since he didn’t know english) picked her up and told her she was his soulmate 🤧.. & i’m supposed to take anything less??

sagi🧨 (@amir_comehere)Tue, 17 Jan 2023 16:04 GMT

I think I'm on like, day 5 of trying montelukast. Still early, but feeling a bit of brain fog lift today, or so I told a friend over dinner. Now I'm lying in bed before turning in to sleep and I just busted out most of a blog post I'd been meaning to write for a while, for fun?

Kate Violette (@qkate)Wed, 18 Jan 2023 05:56 GMT

https://twitter.com/qkate/status/1615588922960285696

I don't remember the last time I busted out several hundred words at like 9:15-9:45 at *night*? To *relax*? Did my brain ability from like three years ago decide to make a visit? I hope it stays.

Kate Violette (@qkate)Wed, 18 Jan 2023 05:58 GMT

“oh no, Earth is in debt” to who mfer? Kang the Conqueror? Wtf are you talking about lmao twitter.com/cnn/status/161…

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The world is in debt. A record amount of debt. Three hundred trillion dollars, to be exact. cnn.it/3w7eVy3

CNN (@CNN)Tue, 17 Jan 2023 13:31 GMT

Kyle Romero (@itskyleromero)Tue, 17 Jan 2023 19:23 GMT

https://twitter.com/LeftAtLondon/status/1615163119743139840

"We're sophomores" Sir, you look like you have a mortgage

𝔻𝕖𝕤𝕥𝕣𝕠𝕪𝕖𝕣 𝕠𝕗 𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕝𝕕𝕤™ 🏳️‍🌈 (@Shinikage221)Tue, 17 Jan 2023 16:32 GMT

https://twitter.com/LeftAtLondon/status/1615164453393399808

stranger things fans, you are smoking CRACK if you think that shelling out $30 mil PER EPISODE for a netflix exclusive show doesnt have any correlation with how other netflix exclusives r just getting wiped off the site (THEIR 2ND MOST EXPENSIVE SHOW IS LESS THAN HALF THAT BTW)

⌘ left at london ⌘ (@LeftAtLondon)Tue, 17 Jan 2023 21:09 GMT

sorry the netflix show u worked on got cancelled even though the season was more than halfway finished. if it makes u feel any better, they giving abt 3 united states military budgets worth of funding to the stranger things kids so they can be deepfaked to still look prepubescent

⌘ left at london ⌘ (@LeftAtLondon)Tue, 17 Jan 2023 01:44 GMT

https://twitter.com/LeftAtLondon/status/1615163119743139840

14 years after the Stranger Things 5th season, a 40 year old millie bobby brown proudly announces that the new season will take place freshly after the gang graduates college.

⌘ left at london ⌘ (@LeftAtLondon)Tue, 17 Jan 2023 01:49 GMT

I am REALLY ready to yeet this uterus into SUN! I DON'T WANT KIDS! Leave me ALONE you ASSHOLE!

Kelly Ellis (@justkelly_ok)Wed, 18 Jan 2023 06:37 GMT

i never thought by age 33 i'd make over $100k per month as a designer and i was right, i can barely afford rent

daryl ginn (@darylginn)Tue, 17 Jan 2023 11:48 GMT

people always think my classics minor was useless for my current tech job but trying to read out of date documentation is prettyyyyy close to analyzing an ancient text

Emily Kager (@EmilyKager)Tue, 17 Jan 2023 21:23 GMT