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Working in a large tech company, one thing I wish every team had (but barely any have it): A “map” of the teams that you depend on, that depend on you, and ones that are coupled to your work in one way or the other. One map for engineering teams; another for non-eng ones.

Gergely Orosz (@GergelyOrosz)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 15:46 GMT

Stephen Toast (Matt Berry) is chosen to narrate Prince Harry's new book

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What the actual fuck have I just heard

Shirley Carter’s Pussy (@shirlpuzz)Wed, 11 Jan 2023 15:00 GMT

Ben Kearns (@BenKearns6)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 18:50 GMT

It’s Friday the 13th and this was my weight this AM. No big deal 😂

Taylor Poindexter (@engineering_bae)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 16:15 GMT

I am BEGGING you to watch this TikTok a dude has rarely rocked even half this hard

Meat Davidson (@BevsNotGuilty)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 01:29 GMT

whoever named toddlers absolutely crushed it those guys are toddlin for sure

tim h. (@nottahmit)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 16:16 GMT

“I’m a jack of all trades, master of none” is such a cute little way to say you have adhd

ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 14:02 GMT

(most disappointed I’ve ever been in my life) no worries!

🏴‍☠️ (@cursedkief)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 17:55 GMT

the tim reaper (@HydrationChimp)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 14:18 GMT

I'm alone in the house, the dog's not around as he's at daycare Why do I still feel the need to wear noise cancelling headphones?!

Just put in my first PR at my new job :)

Are the men ok? What an odd little take.

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There's nothing funnier than a fully grown man carrying a rucksack. Got all your little things in there have you mate? Grow up

Dan (@leathergregory)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 07:17 GMT

Lex Lofthouse (@Loftio)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 10:52 GMT

Tempted to register howtocenteradiv.com and have it display an extremely basic code snippet that will, y’know, center a div. So next time someone makes That Joke about how it’s impossible, you can just link them to that

the cost of remote work is the loss of the ability to pull a coworker for an innocent coffee walk-and-talk that quickly turns into a tea-spilling vent sesh

Jennifer Kim (@jenistyping)Wed, 11 Jan 2023 21:00 GMT

I got my official email. I am actually sobbing.

Josie (@javavvitch)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 22:20 GMT

I’m not doing that 2019/2023 thing bc I have aged ten thousand years

Hope Rehak (@HopeRehak)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 05:38 GMT

https://twitter.com/nyxeIodeon/status/1613290554195955731

"I've broken my leg!" "Stop self diagnosing, you're making a bad name for real people with legs 😩"

🏳️‍⚧️🌴 ANGELTHING 🌴🏳️‍⚧️ (@PUPPYGIRLFEMBOY)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 11:46 GMT

https://twitter.com/nyxeIodeon/status/1613290554195955731

you have to.. come to the doctor and say “oh i think i have xyz” for them to test you for it. that’s how it works literally every time you go to the doctor

Pussy Van Faggot (@nyxeIodeon)Wed, 11 Jan 2023 21:43 GMT

“self diagnosis isn’t real” do you know how going to the doctor as an adult works

Pussy Van Faggot (@nyxeIodeon)Wed, 11 Jan 2023 21:43 GMT

sunrise sunrise

I think my favorite use of emoji responses on Slack/Discord/etc is when someone just latches onto a particular word in a message and attaches its emoji, with no semantic content intended. E.g. someone'll say "Sorry, the bus is running late" and someone else will just slap a 🚌 on there to confirm that they did indeed notice and recognize the word "bus"

We are getting reports that George Santos is claiming to have worked at Blockbuster. We can not confirm or deny as our HR dept has been gone for awhile.

Blockbuster (@blockbuster)Fri, 06 Jan 2023 23:17 GMT

Oh God not again…

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Can’t believe this is the second time in history that Netflix put Blockbuster out of business. twitter.com/DiscussingFilm…

Richard Newby - Vote Blue and Save Yourselves (@RICHARDLNEWBY)Fri, 16 Dec 2022 22:34 GMT

Blockbuster (@blockbuster)Sat, 17 Dec 2022 00:57 GMT

Reverse cowgirl so I don’t have to see a man be happy

Emma 🌻 (@noooemmma)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 15:37 GMT

https://twitter.com/HeezyHouse/status/1613564011542450176

But I barely know her

Emma 🌻 (@noooemmma)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 15:56 GMT

Okay that’s bad but also now I want a Mrs. Doubtfire remake except Mrs. Doubtfire realizes she’s never been so happy as she is living as a woman and part of what destroyed her marriage was repressed gender dysphoria and her ex is bi and they get back together as a sapphic couple twitter.com/esqueer_/statu…

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Republicans in multiple states are trying to cancel Mrs. Doubtfire and label any performance of it as sexually explicit as part of their proposed bans on drag. This is where we're at in 2023.

Alejandra Caraballo (@Esqueer_)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 18:52 GMT

Larky Life (@thelarkspurr)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 00:29 GMT

Yakuza 6 has first person kitty petting This almost makes up for the writing

qdot (@qDot)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 07:29 GMT

SHE HAS A SWORD NOW

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🗣️THERE IS A MUSCLE BOUND CANADIAN LESBIAN VERSION OF THE HORNY WOODCHOPPER TIKTOK GUY

Frotting Christ (@elianadivakarr)Sat, 19 Nov 2022 22:51 GMT

Frotting Christ (@elianadivakarr)Tue, 10 Jan 2023 22:11 GMT

https://twitter.com/elianadivakarr/status/1594101122612051971

read this sentence to a victorian child to instantly kill them

Frotting Christ (@elianadivakarr)Sat, 19 Nov 2022 22:53 GMT

I Still Know What You Did Last Supper

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‘The Passion Of The Christ’ Sequel Reportedly Begins Filming This Spring: bit.ly/3k2Qu1H

ScreenGeek (@RealScreenGeek)Wed, 11 Jan 2023 21:06 GMT

Aidan James (@mcandidate)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 17:36 GMT

1px solid red; Like if you know what I mean 😏

Mattia Astorino (@equinusocio)Wed, 11 Jan 2023 10:22 GMT

https://twitter.com/KyleGeorgeArch/status/1613655345599062030

Really stupid idea: you can detect deprecation by trying to create a lambda with each runtime you're interested in. If you want to detect phase 2 deprecation you'll need a lambda of each runtime and try to update the code periodically...

Kyle Arch (@KyleGeorgeArch)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 22:05 GMT

Midnight in a Perfect World (@ForestPassage)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 18:54 GMT

wtf are these “pre and post pandemic” selfies. since when are we post pandemic

zach silberberg (@zachsilberberg)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 17:59 GMT

https://twitter.com/pascaldoesgo/status/1613238144912220161

And you should definitely download and use both tools too. They are amazing. 🤣

Pascal Dennerly (@pascaldoesgo)Wed, 11 Jan 2023 18:19 GMT

Non-accrual PTO might be a scam (we don’t let you take vacation *and* we don’t track it *and* we don’t pay you out when you finally tell us to fuck off) - but coupled with mandatory minimums (w/tracking), flexible life scheduling, it can be a blessing.

Adam Jacob (@adamhjk)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 15:54 GMT

ADHD body doubling involves a person with ADHD working on and completing potentially frustrating tasks alongside a 'body double,' who acts as a support. Learn more.

Congratulations to Microsoft employees on your new four day workweek. Oh, you can't take every Friday off? Why, that would imply that it's not "unlimited" so much as it is "a scam to not have to pay out unused PTO when you depart the company."

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scoop: Microsoft employees are getting unlimited time off. Microsoft will no longer require US employees to formally record vacation later this month, and they're getting a payout for any unused days. Details here: theverge.com/2023/1/11/2355…

Tom Warren (@tomwarren)Wed, 11 Jan 2023 18:39 GMT

Corey Quinn / @quinnypig@awscommunity.social (@QuinnyPig)Wed, 11 Jan 2023 19:37 GMT

I’m just going to block anyone who is riding their employer’s line so hard that they will celebrate and defend policies that hurt them as employees. I simply cannot engage in a way that’s healthy for me with people like that.

tierney cyren (parody) (@bitandbang)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 18:02 GMT

for each desired change, make the change easy (warning: this may be hard), then make the easy change

Kent Beck 🌻 (@KentBeck)Tue, 25 Sep 2012 23:07 +0000

KubeCon lifting its mask mandate is deeply irresponsible with the state of the pandemic. I'm really disappointed in this decision and I don't think I'm going to go in light of this

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https://twitter.com/endocrimes/status/1613590778525224987

uh oh: events.linuxfoundation.org/kubecon-cloudn… "Recommend but not require event participants to wear masks at in-person events", well cripes. I note that covid has **completely vanished** and the removal of masks hasn't **increased flu** at all. :-|

home skillet (@squillace@hachyderm.io) (@ralph_squillace)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 17:40 GMT

Ian Coldwater (@IanColdwater)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 17:49 GMT

https://twitter.com/IanColdwater/status/1613594182932893703

do people not read the science? do they just not know anyone with long COVID? many of us work with our brains. even if you accept the risk, do you have a backup plan for if long COVID doesn't allow you to work anymore? have you threat modeled this out? what are you going to do?

Ian Coldwater (@IanColdwater)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 18:04 GMT

https://twitter.com/IanColdwater/status/1613594023574528000

I realize it's career limiting, but so is long COVID and I don't understand why people just seem to be fine with this

Ian Coldwater (@IanColdwater)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 17:50 GMT

Attached: 1 image Speaking tip: Tell your audience to run

https://twitter.com/SwiftOnSecurity/status/1613541091294281732

Lemonade1947🌲🤖 (@lemonade1947)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 14:25 GMT

Just heard someone turn down after-work plans because they have an avocado at home that’s about to go bad

Max Lockie (@staphwriter)Tue, 10 Jan 2023 22:13 GMT

Like my new Klingon Bird of Prey tattoo? #startrek  #scifi #klingon #sciencefiction #books #author #AuthorsOfTwitter #tattoo #ratemytattoo #tattoedgirl

Georgia Knight (@Hadrians_Gate)Wed, 11 Jan 2023 22:41 GMT