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I have been taught to yell “stop resisting” and “drop your weapon” after firing a gun, because bystanders will remember you said it and their memory will automatically reverse the order of the events to make it make sense. Their testimony will support yours, because of this.

Katie Sponsler (@KatieSponsler)Sat, 28 Jan 2023 14:28 GMT

If Sam Smith were thin, cis, and straight, they wouldn’t be ridiculed for how they present and dress. If Harry Styles wore the same fits on a magazine cover, y’all would be screaming YAS QUEEN. Anyway, support fat queer people.

Mae Murray (@maemurrayxo)Mon, 30 Jan 2023 09:52 GMT

They could at least try to incorporate the updates into the song. “Now I've heard there was a secret chord, That David played, and it pleased the Lord. But the 10:25 to Walthamstow is delayed now…”

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Not sure having loud amplified buskers on Waterloo Station is the best idea when people are trying to hear announcements about train departures.

London SE1 Community Website (@se1)Mon, 30 Jan 2023 18:00 GMT

Mat Ryer (@matryer)Tue, 31 Jan 2023 08:25 GMT

so why does apt still return a NO_PUBKEY error message. what's stopping it from just , fetching the goddamn key

Catherine (@whitequark)Tue, 31 Jan 2023 01:30 GMT

Then allow me to cook my best casting for the DCU yet. twitter.com/discussingfilm…

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Dave Bautista says he doesn’t think he could play Bane at this point in his career. “I just don't know if I could handle the physical part, and I don't think I would have the longevity to plan ahead for films.” (Source: insider.com/dave-bautista-…)

DiscussingFilm (@DiscussingFilm)Mon, 30 Jan 2023 15:30 GMT

Mr. Wayne🦇 (@ArkhamNumb)Mon, 30 Jan 2023 15:52 GMT

Dave Bautista says he doesn’t think he could play Bane at this point in his career. “I just don't know if I could handle the physical part, and I don't think I would have the longevity to plan ahead for films.” (Source: insider.com/dave-bautista-…)

DiscussingFilm (@DiscussingFilm)Mon, 30 Jan 2023 15:30 GMT

https://twitter.com/DiscussingFilm/status/1620082055479709698

There's another character he could play

ᴇᴠᴇʀɪᴋ | Feeling Sanguine (@Copperlockscum)Mon, 30 Jan 2023 15:34 GMT

Should be illegal to profit off of somebody’s likeness in sex work without consent wether it’s fake or not. Talking about it will bring those sites more attention but I hope this will also be a step forward closer to law that can help protect people from being used in this way

RAE (@Valkyrae)Tue, 31 Jan 2023 02:37 GMT

https://twitter.com/PokketSpice/status/1617731809995001856

Feminine men 👀

Hillary Nicole 💋 (@PokketSpice)Tue, 24 Jan 2023 03:55 GMT

I regret to inform you that exercising did in fact help my mental health

Steven (they/them) 🌈💜🤍🖤 🐀 ꤶ (@zencoffeebreak)Mon, 30 Jan 2023 02:29 GMT

AI generated gfs are going to be so good for the population of men excluded from the dating market

Grace (@peachblvd)Mon, 30 Jan 2023 03:19 GMT

behind every gay person is a gayer, more evil gay person

aubrey plaza daily (@archiveplaza)Thu, 19 Jan 2023 23:33 GMT

We have received very bad news about the state of our almost 15 y/o dog's kidneys; they're failing and the dementia could be a cause or effect. Either way the treatment sounds like torture. We've made the hard choice to say goodbye this Friday. Please understand we are grieving.

Chris "Not So" Short (here or there) (@ChrisShort)Mon, 30 Jan 2023 22:47 GMT

I know this isn't the goal of Treesitter (as far as I can tell), but could it work in place of language servers to some extent? I do hope there's a way to divest as much as possible from Microsoft's ever-growing tentacles into development. We're still on the second E. (https://jacky.wtf/2023/1/wXuz)

I guess I should say, "Thanks @SessionizeCom" for this award...

Jeremy, The Patronizing Saint of DevOps 🇺🇲🇺🇦 (@IAmJerdog)Mon, 30 Jan 2023 16:20 GMT

Mummy don't know daddy's getting hot at

Chloe Condon (@ChloeCondon)Mon, 30 Jan 2023 19:14 GMT

i'm actually sobbing rn

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https://twitter.com/heartereum/status/1618975908437671938

the point is not to pixel peep to look for signs it's fake or not the point is they are already good enough to pass as real for 80% of npc paypigs

Heart (@heartereum)Fri, 27 Jan 2023 14:20 GMT

ri's daily lesbianism (@wlwshitonly)Sun, 29 Jan 2023 23:32 GMT

kinda wish there was a good name for the trauma-to-kink pipeline? feels like there is a useful concept here to be extracted and generalised...

Emily (@the_aiju)Mon, 30 Jan 2023 08:26 GMT

My type of “edge computing” doesn’t mean what you think it does, b2b spam email

buttplug.io 🍑🔌 - Open Source Sex Tech (@buttplugio)Mon, 30 Jan 2023 18:53 GMT

struct ElfGirl { long ears; double d; };

Emily (@the_aiju)Mon, 30 Jan 2023 14:13 GMT

5 Black officers and 1 white officer brutalized Tyre Nichols to death. The 5 Black officers were fired, charged with murder and had their faces plastered everywhere 3 days after the murder. The white officer wasn't mentioned and was quietly "relieved of duty" yesterday. America

Olayemi Olurin (@msolurin)Mon, 30 Jan 2023 16:57 GMT

Mockito has released version 5, switching the default mockmaker to mockito-inline in order to better support future versions of the JDK and allows mocking of constructors, static methods and final classes out of the box. The baseline increased from Java 8 to Java 11, as supporting both versions became costly and managing changes in the JDK such as with the SecurityManager proved difficult.

the tech guys & woman haters posting gleefully abt how ai porn bots are coming for sex workers’ incomes are very mistaken about why people pay for sex workers

rayne fisher-quann (@raynefq)Mon, 30 Jan 2023 01:30 GMT

the nipple is the exclamation mark to the boobs sentence

Alison (@AmericanHussy)Sun, 29 Jan 2023 19:31 GMT

satire

Aster (@fencepostmagpie)Sun, 29 Jan 2023 19:39 GMT

wild TikTok screenshots (@wildtiktokss)Sun, 29 Jan 2023 22:33 GMT

https://twitter.com/godbirdart/status/1619402213662814208

FOR NOT PAYING RENT ? ? ???? ?

tobias 🍃🎐🌱 (@godbirdart)Sat, 28 Jan 2023 18:31 GMT

wtf is this. if i pick up am i gonna hear alaxander graham bell on the other line going "hullo? hullo?"

Some Kinda Sucka (@legendbelmondo)Sat, 28 Jan 2023 18:58 GMT

i hate the way tumblr relays current events this is NOT how i expected to learn about this

tobias 🍃🎐🌱 (@godbirdart)Sat, 28 Jan 2023 18:29 GMT

Can’t believe it’s been nearly 3 years since covid enabled me to bring alcohol into any venue disguised as hand sanitiser

Alice (@aliceelizabethl)Sun, 29 Jan 2023 13:19 GMT

This is the greatest photograph of me that will ever be taken. twitter.com/ESPNFC/status/…

John Green (@sportswithjohn)Sun, 29 Jan 2023 20:08 GMT

HBO has understood the power of ‘water cooler’ television on Sunday nights for a quarter century. You only get that from a weekly episodic series. Binging will never replace the unity of everyone experiencing something at the same time.

Erik Anderson (@awards_watch)Mon, 30 Jan 2023 04:07 GMT

the funniest thing about masking when nobody else around you is masking is that a lot of them treat u like u are carrying the virus that they allegedly don’t care about and avoid u

latke (@latkedelrey)Sat, 28 Jan 2023 18:33 GMT

Open source people: "open source fucking sucks, it's not sustainable. Nobody pays you for all your hard work and everyone is way too entitled, thinks you owe them something." Also open source people: "join us, it's easy, just find a repo of a cool project and start helping out!"

Plausible Sounding-Guff @monkchips@mastodon.social (@monkchips)Fri, 27 Jan 2023 09:37 GMT

James Cameron has three of the top five grossing movies of all time. Which goes to show you can profit and succeed while making mediocre, shite products with huge marketing.

PJ - @aspleenic@hachyderm.io (@aspleenic)Sun, 29 Jan 2023 19:20 GMT

https://twitter.com/steveklabnik/status/1619822765770694657

"They don't look like real women!" has been a criticism of non-AI porn for decades, too. Lol.

extremely pleasant mail delivery guy (@dumbmailguy)Sun, 29 Jan 2023 22:48 GMT

This woman has identified a very gullible demographic and moved fiercely to bring them in to her following.

davis 🐺🦊 (@basedkarbon)Sat, 28 Jan 2023 14:55 GMT

I think the funniest criticism of the AI porn thing is “they don’t even look like real girls” Do you know how many people don’t exactly require realism to be into an image? Are we all not on the internet or something

steveklabnik (@steveklabnik)Sun, 29 Jan 2023 22:20 GMT

https://twitter.com/steveklabnik/status/1619822765770694657

Is it my cup of tea? Not really. Am I going to be surprised when *someone* gets turned on by something I’m not into? I’d *never* take that side of a bet lolol

steveklabnik (@steveklabnik)Sun, 29 Jan 2023 22:21 GMT

art 2 men is just an excuse to get whoever they’re attracted to naked i swear twitter.com/itsthreesixty/…

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Art I’ve made >>>>

360 ♔ (@ItsThreeSixty)Fri, 27 Jan 2023 20:20 GMT

🧚🏽 (@notcishet)Sun, 29 Jan 2023 09:33 GMT

This guy at the bar last night told me he works at Goldman Sachs and when I told him I’ve never heard of it he started acting like I just pushed his grandma down the stairs

Chet (@NoCapCapitalLLC)Sun, 29 Jan 2023 16:14 GMT

https://twitter.com/BrndnStrssng/status/1619705499867549697

A lot of people in here telling me what Mr. Levi actually meant and let me ask you, are you his PR or am I? That’s what I thought. Now let me do my job and look forward to Shazam: Fury of the Jabs in theaters March 17th!

Brandon Streussnig (@BrndnStrssng)Mon, 30 Jan 2023 01:00 GMT

https://twitter.com/kryten09/status/1619732944385634305

Just announcing a new, exciting gig! Don’t know what you’re saying here!

Brandon Streussnig (@BrndnStrssng)Sun, 29 Jan 2023 17:32 GMT

Hey guys! Today’s my first day as head of Zachary Levi’s PR! I’m so excited to see what new opportunities this’ll bring, gonna take a big sip of my coffee here and head on over to his Twitter page and see what he’s up to

Brandon Streussnig (@BrndnStrssng)Sun, 29 Jan 2023 14:34 GMT

"Long ago" omg 😭

Holly Brockwell (@holly)Mon, 30 Jan 2023 00:16 GMT

Rowling posting "shut the fuck up terf" gun memes just proves that her mortal enemy she wants to dedicate billions of dollars into eradicating is a 14 year old catgirl who just discovered /r/traaa

Mia Moore (@StopTweetingMia)Sun, 29 Jan 2023 23:25 GMT

happy 10 year anniversary to one of the happiest moments in my life ❤️

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i keep thinking back to this picture my dad took of my mom holding me while i was recovering from bottom surgery. this is what they want to take from young trans people. they want to take away the ability for our families to love and support us. they want to away our futures.

keffals (@keffals)Mon, 07 Mar 2022 17:20 GMT

keffals (@keffals)Sun, 29 Jan 2023 19:02 GMT

i keep thinking back to this picture my dad took of my mom holding me while i was recovering from bottom surgery. this is what they want to take from young trans people. they want to take away the ability for our families to love and support us. they want to away our futures.

keffals (@keffals)Mon, 07 Mar 2022 17:20 GMT

https://twitter.com/davidfowl/status/1619930062354276357

On the plus side, I know my password *really* well now 🤓

hachyderm.io/@davidfowl (@davidfowl)Mon, 30 Jan 2023 05:27 GMT