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been dying at this 4 second video for like 15 min now

connor (@connor_soup)Wed, 29 Mar 2023 04:02 +0000

Verified users are hitting Jaboukie FBI maneuvers on the TL 😭

Brooklyn White-Grier (@brooklynrwhite)Sat, 01 Apr 2023 03:13 +0000

https://twitter.com/brooklynrwhite/status/1642002224808181764

Lmao this tweet is such an interesting string of words

Brooklyn White-Grier (@brooklynrwhite)Sat, 01 Apr 2023 03:15 +0000

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@elonmusk , question for you. I'm losing about 500 to 1k users a day. To counter this I went Blue² thinking it gave me some preference and would help retain or grow users. Any suggestions ?

Mark Cuban (@mcuban)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 01:49 +0000

Mr. Bedtime (@InternetHippo)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 18:31 +0000

https://twitter.com/runasand/status/1641876499811688463

He’s probably too busy tripping on ayahuasca, going to sweat lodges, and surfing to care about what a mess he made handing twitter off to the singular solution he trusts

Aiko Christine (@aikochristine)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 18:58 +0000

holy shit

SwiftOnSecurity (@SwiftOnSecurity)Sat, 01 Apr 2023 06:32 +0000

https://twitter.com/runasand/status/1641876499811688463

Busy counting money, get back to you later.

Ron James (@digitMusic)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 19:41 +0000

https://twitter.com/digitMusic/status/1641888579663060992

🎯 Jack loves Elon.

MelissaJPeltier (@MelissaJPeltier)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 19:46 +0000

Growing up, #TDOV was always kinda tough. I wanted to be out so bad. The joy I felt when the few people I was out to wished me a happy TDOV made me feel truly seen. To all the trans kids unable to come out for now, happy #TDOV2023. This is your day as much as anyone else’s.

Jenny (@jennymaguir)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 09:02 +0000

*Laughs in git* reddit.com/r/programmerhu…

Programmer Humor (@PR0GRAMMERHUM0R)Sat, 01 Apr 2023 01:00 +0000

The Matrix (1999) is now as old as Jaws (1975) was when the Matrix was released.

🌷🌞idspispopd🌙🥀 (@Bhaal_Spawn)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 20:59 +0000

https://twitter.com/MattBinder/status/1641896208464597010

elon was asked about this on Twitter Spaces and he said "this is the first time i'm seeing this" and said they should change it he also decided that the person who asked him about it would be the last speaker and ended the Space right after

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Twitter's algorithm is specifically tracking tweet metrics for four groups: - power users - republicans - democrats and... - elon musk

Matt Binder (@MattBinder)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 20:12 +0000

Matt Binder (@MattBinder)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 20:14 +0000

https://twitter.com/MNateShyamalan/status/1641894614033485843

lmaooo someone submitted a pull request called “better recommendations on timeline” and all it does is hide the tweets of anyone who pays for twitter

soul nate (@MNateShyamalan)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 20:08 +0000

Musk being asked about this live on Spaces right now. Says “it shouldn’t be there.” “There’s a ton of stupid and embarrassing things being shown by making the code open source.”

twitter.com/wongmjane/stat…

Ryan Broderick (@broderick)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 19:56 +0000

https://twitter.com/broderick/status/1641892926409134088

i.e. early warning if anyone pushes a change that hurts his numbers so they can roll it back to avoid being fired, totally different than intentionally boosting him

Aaron Miller (@apage43)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 20:32 +0000

Twitter’s algorithm specifically labels whether the Tweet author is Elon Musk “author_is_elon” besides the Democrat, Republican and “Power User” labels github.com/twitter/the-al… twitter.com/i/web/status/1…

Jane Manchun Wong (@wongmjane)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 19:25 +0000

author_is_elon 🤣🤣🤣

Laurie (@laurieontech)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 21:26 +0000

big news! i finally finished paying off the latte i bought in November with financing financial freedom is alive and well twitter.com/i/web/status/1…

gaut (@0xgaut)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 17:01 +0000

https://twitter.com/MBGagaAddict/status/1641821366998401024

Two things- 1) this joke was a mix of two different bad takes 2) IMO AH’s takes don’t always start bad, they just… go a little too far and become too dogmatic. Of course no event deployments are possible. Of course low fault rates are a thing. But we evaluate which ones have a… twitter.com/i/web/status/1…

Vic 🌮 (@VicVijayakumar)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 16:01 +0000

https://twitter.com/tacticaldipshit/status/1641667655403966464

Exactly the same movie except every gunshot is a blasted rope

Smoke fish everyday (@SaItyAIaskan)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 15:22 +0000

https://twitter.com/doctorfucko/status/1641732444205514753

That is why I considered it for you

presidential mindset guru 2024 (@tacticaldipshit)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 16:34 +0000

https://twitter.com/DKJoker84/status/1641825593485303808

I created this idea in my own beautiful mind palace

presidential mindset guru 2024 (@tacticaldipshit)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 15:33 +0000

https://twitter.com/tacticaldipshit/status/1641667655403966464

You found that porno parody then lol

Edgar Davids (@DKJoker84)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 15:31 +0000

https://twitter.com/SaItyAIaskan/status/1641823258084540422

Jacking off five dudes at once gun kata style while simultaneously pantsing a dude and kicking him backwards, his asshole perfect aimed to land right on another dude's dick

presidential mindset guru 2024 (@tacticaldipshit)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 15:30 +0000

what if instead of John wick it was John dick and he had to fuck like a thousand guys

presidential mindset guru 2024 (@tacticaldipshit)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 05:04 +0000

It's Trans Day of Visibility and I would prefer to be a lot less visible, thanks

Ian Coldwater 📦💥 (@IanColdwater)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 15:30 +0000

big fork bad. smol spoon good.

𝖑𝖔𝖗𝖆 ✨🧜🏻‍♀️ (@electrifying)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 00:29 +0000

https://twitter.com/joshrosso/status/1641476768967151617

They don't respect a LICENSE.txt file in GitHub, why would they respect a robots file?

Czarcuterie Board of Insults 🇺🇦 (@pczarkowski)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 12:54 +0000

It's me 🤗

Linda (@lindarendel)Wed, 29 Mar 2023 06:52 +0000

now you see me. happy #TransDayOfVisibility #TDOV 🏳️‍⚧️💖

maisie 💖 (@maisieccino)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 11:23 +0000

trans day of visibility??? this is the one day of the year you can see us!! 🤣🤣🤣 lol get it!!! hahah lol lmao. no seriously everything sucks absolute shit right now

mattie rose | moccafest 204 (@Lubchansky)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 12:00 +0000

Here I am, seat 1A in @Delta One, over the ocean being visible AF! I'm a woman, I am an executive of a multi-billion dollar global organization, I'm a published author, an internationally known public speaker, an advocate for the marginalized, and yes, I am trans! #TDOV2023 /1

👑 Alyssa Miller 🦄🛩️ (@AlyssaM_InfoSec)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 11:16 +0000

The Irish for a dead name (name assigned at birth no longer used by a trans person) is ainm cealaithe, which translates literally as rescinded or cancelled name. 🏳️‍⚧️ #TransDayOfVisibility

The Irish For 🏳️‍⚧️ (@theirishfor)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 09:56 +0000

https://twitter.com/BBCPolitics/status/1613197281796169729

James Acaster was right

johnnymac (@mr_johnny_mac)Wed, 11 Jan 2023 19:19 GMT

Me: *Breathes in London* London: “That’s £27 please mate.”

No Context Brits (@NoContextBrits)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 09:58 +0000

My Egyptian friend @reemtariqq told me she loved the British Museum because it felt like home.

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https://twitter.com/BBCPolitics/status/1613197281796169729

James Acaster was right

johnnymac (@mr_johnny_mac)Wed, 11 Jan 2023 19:19 GMT

Mat Ryer (@matryer)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 09:55 +0000

https://twitter.com/MNateShyamalan/status/1641566644924297218

Should probably start being careful in about 7 years

Roxana del Toro (@roxdtvc)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 03:15 +0000

https://twitter.com/MNateShyamalan/status/1641566644924297218

first they came for "Mr. Crimes", the guy who did a bunch of crimes, and i said nothing

Michael May (@Mike271828)Thu, 30 Mar 2023 22:35 +0000

while i’m not a fan of donald trump, it is chilling to realize that this could happen to any one of us after livetweeting 34 consecutive crimes

soul nate (@MNateShyamalan)Thu, 30 Mar 2023 22:22 +0000

Puppies of Egypt (updating thread)

jessie.js @ Egypt (@jessiedotjs)Sat, 25 Mar 2023 20:33 GMT

On the eve of the tech #AprilFoolsDay posts and announcements, I'm just going to mention one of the best tech #aprilfools that still exists today (also my fav http status)... #http418 - Im a teapot en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyper_Tex…

DeveloperSteve (@DeveloperSteve)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 05:29 +0000

I've just released v0.2.1 of my chrome extension called "Google Workspace Zoom Default," which helps people set a default zoom level for Google Docs and Sheets (maybe even some more in the future). You can find it at https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/google-workspace-zoom-def/nflkcdlimipkgbacnfnhfecjgmojhklo. I also wrong about it on my blog (https://words.byvernacchia.com/blog/2023/03/introducing-google-workspace-zoom-default/). Hope this helps you! It was really cool/easy to build with @plasmohq

https://twitter.com/catshouldnt/status/1641670136917798912

Your pouch is showing

Ebil (@pocalypse_Meow)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 05:17 +0000

https://twitter.com/catshouldnt/status/1641670136917798912

Ω Darkseid Ω 🌻 (@__Uxas__)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 05:17 +0000

place where cat shouldn't be (@catshouldnt)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 05:13 +0000

https://twitter.com/catshouldnt/status/1641670136917798912

OK, hear me out, I know the joke is that it looks like balls, but I honestly find the mere idea of a cat sagging through a hole like that infinitely funnier. Cats are saggy bois.

Moonlight (@moonlight_scum)Fri, 31 Mar 2023 05:18 +0000

Shoutout to my fellow GenXrs who hit ⌘S every few sentences in google docs

orgy-mode

https://twitter.com/kyliebytes/status/1641533066446532616

finding out i have the unrestricted ability to make and upload slack emotes has increased my productivity tenfold

Kylie Robison (@kyliebytes)Thu, 30 Mar 2023 20:12 +0000