Netflix: Are you still watching? Me: Yes Netflix: Ok tell me one thing that happened in the last episode Me: What? Netflix: The guy with the mustache, what’s his name? Me: Why are you being like this? Netflix: *sadly* You’re always on that damn phone

the drake gatsby ❤️ (@DrakeGatsby)Fri, 14 Feb 2020 14:15 GMT

When I told my in-laws I was an organ donor, my mother-in-law instantly replied with "BAGSIE EMMA'S EYES"

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Organ donation law is changing in spring. Share your organ donation decision with your family

NHS Organ Donation💗 (@NHSOrganDonor)Wed, 29 Jan 2020 17:02 GMT

Emma Seward (@MrsEmma)Fri, 14 Feb 2020 20:11 GMT

damn all these salary threads happening on valentines day so u can feel bad about both ur love life and compensation status at the same time.. take care of yourselves ppl

isha (@ikasliwal)Sat, 15 Feb 2020 00:57 GMT

We dropped our cloud costs by 61% in 2 hours by the novel strategy of looking at the bill and turning off things we weren't using

Paul Biggar (@paulbiggar)Fri, 14 Feb 2020 18:27 GMT

“You” is legitimately the most terrifying TV I’ve watched in a very long time

Denise Yu (@deniseyu21)Fri, 14 Feb 2020 19:00 GMT

Date ideas for Valentine's Day: - Get dinner - See a movie - Resurface after 5 years with a large fortune and a new identity to win the heart of the girl you love - Throw a party that symbolizes the moral corruption and superficiality of the rich - Die in a pool

SparkNotes (@SparkNotes)Fri, 14 Feb 2020 18:25 GMT

Ben & Rey want you to have a good Valentine’s Day! 💕✨(feel free to give these to your dyad m8) #StarWars #Reylo #BenSolo #Rey #ReyloLove #ReyloValentines

💫 JENN! 💫 (@TheKeyThief)Fri, 14 Feb 2020 20:00 GMT

https://twitter.com/Steve_Fish/status/1228072440699539459

tell me about it

Steve Hamburger and Fries (@IrregularMatt)Fri, 14 Feb 2020 03:40 GMT

The waiter in Nando's just skipped our name on the waiting list for a table because she thought it was a joke

Steven Chicken (@StevenChicken)Thu, 13 Feb 2020 18:47 GMT

https://twitter.com/MrsEmma/status/1228266991867355142

Thom and I haven’t either 😅 And we always forget our “anniversary”. I guess I’m less about the milestones and more about the every day 💛

Carol 🤸‍♀️ (@CarolSaysThings)Fri, 14 Feb 2020 10:39 GMT

RT @kefimochi Unisex clothes are measured specifically for men. Stop lying it's "unisex" pls ok bye

Anna ✨🙅‍♀️✨ (@anna_hax)Fri, 14 Feb 2020 16:38 GMT

https://twitter.com/JamieTanna/status/1228242022718484480

Anna ✨🙅‍♀️✨ (@anna_hax)Fri, 14 Feb 2020 09:03 GMT

the fact that there is so much controversy over this explains a lot about today’s world. ... and terrifies me. (it’s always annoying when someone reclines, but she’s in the right. THE. SEAT. RECLINES. he would probably never do this to another man. )

twitter.com/marinamarraco/…

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This video has the internet legitimately divided . Dude is in the last seat on the plane. Seat doesn’t recline. Hers does. And she reclines. He’s upset, and is punching her seat incessantly— so she records. Who is right?! Who is wrong?! See you at 7p on #FOX5LION @fox5dc

Marina Marraco (@MarinaMarraco)Wed, 12 Feb 2020 21:43 GMT

Monica Lewinsky (@MonicaLewinsky)Thu, 13 Feb 2020 14:11 GMT

Tonights talk @PHPMinds on Security Incidents by @cfing99 was really interesting and thought provoking 💻🔐 What should you do when you get an incident report? First, check it's from a valid source! Don't get caught out 🎣 #phpMinds

Anna ✨🙅‍♀️✨ (@anna_hax)Thu, 13 Feb 2020 21:46 GMT

Honestly I wasn't prepared for this. Go and check out Aldi UK's insta right now.

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I say it all the time but Aldi’s Instagram page is a work of art

tasha msanide (@tashamsa)Wed, 12 Feb 2020 23:26 GMT

Lex Lofthouse ✨ (@Loftio)Thu, 13 Feb 2020 12:06 GMT

There are not enough #facepalm memes in the world for this. Also, it presupposes that "hacking" is bad?! Since when. I think we need a discussion about semantics. #hacking #cracking #cyber #blackhat #whitehat

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This utter crap is being distributed through schools from the 'local authority' so presume @WalsallCouncil today. The level of disinformation is staggering. I'd be proud to find my kids learning to use any of these. Except Discord but that's nothing to do with hacking.

GarethIllmann-Walker (@G_IW)Wed, 12 Feb 2020 21:06 GMT

Ben Morgan (@bmorg)Thu, 13 Feb 2020 14:11 GMT

RT @WiT_Notts

Cheeky little catch up with the crew - @LittleHelli, @CarolSaysThings, @anna_hax! Sadly the traffic beat @short_louise though 😣 We're all very excited for #WiTNotts Lightning talks next month ⚡🎙️🧡 👉 nott.tech/wit-march

Carol 😷 (@CarolSaysThings)Thu, 13 Feb 2020 18:08 GMT

The fantastic @StevenPears speaking for @hacksocnotts about programming #Alexa in #dotnet tonight thank you so much for coming Steven!

Samuel King (@King_of_Sams_)Thu, 13 Feb 2020 19:28 GMT

❤️ 2018 / 2019 / 2020 ❤️

happy galentine's day!💕 (@nocontextpawnee)Thu, 13 Feb 2020 16:16 GMT

So I got a DM on LinkedIn asking me about the Sexops role I’m recruiting for.. 😂 I am hiring for a SecOps role!! If you’re looking to develop into a lead /manager role in Ops/IR let me know, happy to support development and stretch roles. #notsexops #secops

Tash Norris (@TashJNorris)Thu, 13 Feb 2020 15:51 GMT

https://twitter.com/terfhearse/status/1227660055886958592

got some new yorkers in my mentions who are MAD why don’t y’all fuhgeddaboutit

THEY/THEM (@terfhearse)Wed, 12 Feb 2020 18:31 GMT

nobody: people from ny: i live in new yawk. i have three roommates. two of dem are rats. we eat pizza fawh dinnuh every night. de rent? 4000 dollars a SECOND

THEY/THEM (@terfhearse)Wed, 12 Feb 2020 04:23 GMT

*googles* what time do grocery stores mark down Valentine’s Day chocolate

bletchley punk (@alicegoldfuss)Thu, 13 Feb 2020 01:27 GMT