when I bought a new carpet, my dog became a shark.

Life & Nature (@NatureSuperb)Fri, 24 Apr 2020 18:12 +0000

please don't consume bleach it's like 400 episodes long at this point and there are so many other shonen anime worth your time

BernieBromo (@kamilumin)Fri, 24 Apr 2020 22:01 +0000

This is how camera lenses change the shape of your face

Engineering (@engineeringvids)Sat, 25 Apr 2020 15:52 +0000

the hotdog are finally returning to the pastures. the earth is healing. we are the virus

linc (@lincnotfound)Fri, 24 Apr 2020 23:00 +0000

Possibly the weakest "team up" of all time

Richard Cook (@cookywook)Sat, 25 Apr 2020 09:59 +0000

All my anxiety dreams since the lockdown have taken place in public places with other people around. Nice try brain, but you're playing right into my hands 😎

Andrew Seward (@MrAndrew)Sat, 25 Apr 2020 15:52 +0000

Earlier today we got our first takeaway of the lockdown era! Filthy vegan kebab was awesome, and check out this chonk of a cookie 😮

Carol 🌴living the island life ✨ (@CarolSaysThings)Sat, 25 Apr 2020 17:58 +0000

Just tried to tab-complete my password.

Terence Eden (@edent)Sat, 25 Apr 2020 11:50 +0000

has anyone considered that the blockchain could beat this pandemic why are you all laughing

Andy Bell (@hankchizljaw)Sat, 25 Apr 2020 08:56 +0000

Pancake time 🥞💛

Carol 🌴living the island life ✨ (@CarolSaysThings)Sat, 25 Apr 2020 09:38 +0000

https://twitter.com/csswizardry/status/1253961027588444161

I think the pandemic is a crystallising moment for many people with borderline OCD & paranoia. It does feel a bit like the world is coming to an end + germophobes have their fears proven true. Combine that with conspiracy theories online... razor wire and sirens.

Simon Hearne (@simonhearne)Sat, 25 Apr 2020 08:56 +0000

omg... Google's chief biz officer, on a Google Meet call with 1000s of staff, was asked why Zoom is dominating video chat. as he's answering, his kid walks in & asks if he's using Zoom 🤣 nytimes.com/2020/04/24/tec…

Jesse Lehrich (@JesseLehrich)Fri, 24 Apr 2020 23:14 +0000

Hot off the press

Katie Wiskar (@katiewiskar)Fri, 24 Apr 2020 17:46 +0000

I just saw a TikTok that called the stock market “a graph of rich people feelings” and that’s the most accurate thing I’ve ever read on my whole damn life

lucy @ E C L I P S E (@lyrratic)Fri, 24 Apr 2020 19:30 +0000

fly me to the moon let me kick its fucking ass let me show it what i learned in my moon jujitsu class

fuck the moon (@fthemoonreturns)Thu, 23 Apr 2020 16:37 +0000

Someone said a group of Karens is called a privilege and I have not stopped laughing 😂

TJ Benton (@terryjbenton)Thu, 23 Apr 2020 12:59 +0000

⚠️ Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever store currency as a float in your database

Michael Dyrynda (@michaeldyrynda)Fri, 24 Apr 2020 02:49 +0000

https://twitter.com/michaeldyrynda/status/1253516294571175938

But it just makes cents.

Dan Beeston (@DNABeast)Fri, 24 Apr 2020 05:02 +0000

My hospital bill went from $4,000 to $950 all because I asked them for a receipt and list of everything I was being charged for SMFH they lowered my bill by 76% Our health care system is a SCAM.

Yolanda (@icutyolawnduhh)Fri, 24 Apr 2020 19:09 +0000

i don't want to hear another word about bat soup 😑

Jenny Yang (@jennyyangtv)Fri, 24 Apr 2020 08:35 +0000

Just been on the radio with a male Dr. I am a female Prof. He was thanked as Dr X. I was thanked as Susan. #EveryDaySexism

Susan Michie (@SusanMichie)Thu, 23 Apr 2020 15:57 +0000

Our CTO turned himself into a pickle during the tech LT meeting today and couldn’t switch it off and I could not hold it together.

Tash Norris (@TashJNorris)Fri, 24 Apr 2020 20:20 +0000

Evan Greer (@evan_greer)Fri, 24 Apr 2020 02:15 +0000

And the Oscar for best lip-syncing goes to...

Ted Gioia (@tedgioia)Wed, 22 Apr 2020 22:08 +0000

Thinking about how The Good Place gave brown and black characters hyper specific and accurate ethnic names and it was fine and good and their ethnicity wasn't a character trait nor was it erased. Imagine if all white creators did this very easy thing

Bolu Babalola (@BeeBabs)Thu, 23 Apr 2020 17:33 +0000

https://twitter.com/itunpredictable/status/1253360049017118720

you: your reductive takes cheapen the positive motion of creating and trivialize how critical tools are to building a better future me: haha likes count goes brrrrr

justin gage (@itunpredictable)Fri, 24 Apr 2020 01:27 +0000

I know there's a lot going on right now but I just Googled my childhood bully and she works in bullying advocacy and I am spiraling.

GABY DUNN 🏳️‍🌈✡️ (@gabydunn)Fri, 24 Apr 2020 00:29 +0000

Remember when people said the Cheltenham Race course attendance was a great show of the ‘British spirit’? Same twitter.com/leighboobyer/s…

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EXCLUSIVE: A leaked data map shows the highest number of confirmed coronavirus hospital admissions in Gloucestershire was a neighbouring postcode of Cheltenham Racecourse, as of April 3.

Leigh Boobyer (@LeighBoobyer)Thu, 23 Apr 2020 12:24 +0000

Luke Exton (@LukeExton)Fri, 24 Apr 2020 08:25 +0000

Q. What are Story Points? A. Story Points are a way of making developers deliver faster by asking them for a random number, and then saying, “That seems a little high,” until they say a smaller number.

Kris Jenkins (@krisajenkins)Thu, 23 Apr 2020 12:08 +0000

Jon Coelho, 32, died Wednesday of cardiac arrest brought on by the coronavirus. He was a young and healthy husband and father of two. After retrieving his belongings from the hospital, his wife found a note in his phone that he'd left her and the kids: buzzfeednews.com/article/juliar…

julia reinstein 🚡 (@juliareinstein)Thu, 23 Apr 2020 21:27 +0000

cccccchtnrvlkthfvvebfikhnbrigrrrfgnfhldnbcbc

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Ahhhhfdsjkhfjskhfjkldshfkljsdhfkjdhfkjlshdfkljsdhfjkdshfjksdhfjdksfhjkdshfjsdhfjkshfjksdfhjksdhfjksdfhjkdsfh your turn.

Twitter (@Twitter)Thu, 23 Apr 2020 17:54 +0000

Yubico | #YubiKey (@Yubico)Thu, 23 Apr 2020 18:19 +0000

I've had the absolute pleasure of seeing @SparkleClass speak before and she is brilliant, it was a real eye opener for me and I learnt loads. Do join us if you can!! 👇

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📢 Two weeks today! Join us for #WitNotts Online! 🧡✨ @SparkleClass is joining us to talk about her experience being a weirdo! A powerful talk on neurodiversity and mental illness. Thursday 7th May Online 👉 nott.tech/wit-may

Women In Tech, Nottingham 🌈✨ (@WiT_Notts)Thu, 23 Apr 2020 07:11 +0000

Anna 🏠 (@anna_hax)Thu, 23 Apr 2020 07:57 +0000

Remind me again why developers think it’s a great idea to rely on centralised third-party code for core functionality?

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lol the Google Maps API broke a couple of hours ago and now EVERY APP that uses it is crashing. RIP our crash reports and Zendesk tomorrow morning. At least we don’t use it on iOS. reddit.com/r/androiddev/c…

Adrian Hon (@adrianhon)Thu, 23 Apr 2020 20:46 +0000

Laura Kalbag (@LauraKalbag)Thu, 23 Apr 2020 21:02 +0000

Truly honored by the amount of thoughtful consideration that must have been put into curating this list of female engineering leaders before selecting me to join it.

Laurie Voss (@seldo)Thu, 23 Apr 2020 16:15 +0000

How I used to begin work emails: Hi! How I begin work emails now:

Hannah Long (@HannahGraceLong)Wed, 22 Apr 2020 20:14 +0000

"Nooooooo you have separate text using paragraphs and style them you can't use an html element it's bad separation of concerns" "Haha line break go <br>"

Nat Alison 🍑 (@tesseralis)Thu, 23 Apr 2020 02:17 +0000

Dave Cheney (@davecheney)Thu, 23 Apr 2020 05:58 +0000