My boyfriend just told his mother a package he received to her house is "kinky sex stuff," deadpan (it is indeed kinky sex stuff), and I may actually have a minor stroke. I'm dying.

Adelaide Gardner (@ohadelaide)Thu, 24 Jun 2021 00:18 +0000

i would like to go to the doctor for free instead of this twitter.com/cbsnews/status…

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Watch the U.S. Navy use a 40,000-pound explosive on its new aircraft carrier, to ensure the ship is hardened to withstand battle conditions.

CBS News (@CBSNews)Mon, 21 Jun 2021 15:00 +0000

danaka (@wifeoftoast)Tue, 22 Jun 2021 20:55 +0000

If I ever become pregnant, I'm going to throw a gender reveal party and reveal that gender is a social construct. I will have slides, and there will be a quiz.

Jaclyn A. Siegel, PhD (@jacasiegel)Wed, 23 Jun 2021 17:50 +0000

Face smushed into the back of a chair, how is this a comfortable or reasonably way to sleep?

Denise Yu (@deniseyu21)Wed, 23 Jun 2021 17:59 +0000

https://twitter.com/netflix/status/1407669776969715718

All those people are thin and attractive underneath of the costumes so the “based on personality alone” thing is a bit of a stretch.

Riven 💜 Diluc Wanter 🥲 (@ladyriven)Wed, 23 Jun 2021 12:08 +0000

https://twitter.com/netflix/status/1407669776969715718

mr.mittens (@cowabunnga)Wed, 23 Jun 2021 12:13 +0000

Sexy Beasts is a new dating show where real-life singles sport elaborate makeup and prosthetics to put true blind-date chemistry to the test.

Netflix (@netflix)Wed, 23 Jun 2021 12:00 +0000

https://twitter.com/netflix/status/1407669776969715718

ok but all the people are still 'conventionally attractive' and all the thin women have tight clothes on so..... also..... what the fuck is this!?

🌺 🌻dumb heaux🧚🏽‍♀️🧜🏽‍♀️ (she/her) BLM (@88shenanigans)Wed, 23 Jun 2021 13:02 +0000

I thought men would’ve changed over lockdown. But nope, they’re still catcalling you on the streets lmao forgot how exhausting it is being a woman just walking around

Pauline P. Narvas 💜🇵🇭 (@paulienuh)Wed, 23 Jun 2021 13:14 +0000

Six years ago today a lot of cunts voted to make my life awful in my new home. Fuck every single person who voted for #Brexit. Btw I know several people I follow voted that way because they admitted it at the time but quickly deleted their tweets when the results came in. 🖕

Charlie Don't Surf (@sonniesedge)Wed, 23 Jun 2021 09:25 +0000

https://twitter.com/sonniesedge/status/1407630855036604417

I just got naturalised and have now British citizenship (with dual citizenship) and I was writing exactly this yesterday. I moved here six years ago and the last five years of my life have been with a little constant fear that the worst of the worst could happen.

Ana Rodrigues (@ohhelloana)Wed, 23 Jun 2021 09:54 +0000

https://twitter.com/ericwooley/status/1407522203483049985

jUsT cHeEr uP not as helpful as you think my guy. and depression should be normalized - it saves lives. verywellmind.com/what-is-toxic-…

desi-19 🦓 (@desilove)Wed, 23 Jun 2021 10:27 +0000

The real question is... Is anyone *not* burned out right now??

mariah (@Mariah__Driver)Tue, 22 Jun 2021 23:21 +0000

Easy there Billy Liar. I’ve lived in London for 22 years. People wouldn’t exchange cheery smiles on the tube if England won the World Cup.

Ralf Little 💙 (@RalfLittle)Tue, 22 Jun 2021 13:32 +0000

promised myself i wouldn't touch this meme format again but this one really needed fixing

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Me interviewing frontend developers...

Sagittarius A* 🏳️‍🌈🇺🇾 (@AnfibiaCreativa)Sun, 20 Jun 2021 07:33 +0000

Kat Maddox (@ctrlshifti)Tue, 22 Jun 2021 21:13 +0000

The Not-Getting-Railed card

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https://twitter.com/holly/status/1407436675379339265

This! But about everything else in life! Single people should get discount for being single and doing stuff on their own as a well done!

Naz (@Bellatrixie85)Tue, 22 Jun 2021 20:35 +0000

Holly Brockwell (@holly)Tue, 22 Jun 2021 20:36 +0000

"You are too alone to get discounts on trains, have you considered being less single?" Thanks @_Railcards

Holly Brockwell (@holly)Tue, 22 Jun 2021 20:33 +0000

Really disheartening to see companies acquire startups who badly do the thing the expert employees asked to do years ago and were told to work on something else that didn’t work, and eventually left. Such a waste. Imagine listening to the enthusiastic expert employees.

Hugh Rawlinson (he/him) (@hughrawlinson)Mon, 21 Jun 2021 20:46 +0000

I did the thing again where I don’t leave the house for days at a time and then when I do the outside world feels weird and unreal 😅

Carol 🌻 (@CarolSaysThings)Tue, 22 Jun 2021 15:36 +0000

https://twitter.com/Gxleka/status/1407332845878747141

stop playing if you’re tired of it

luke allen (@lukeallen23)Tue, 22 Jun 2021 14:20 +0000

I am having a bad mental health day. I want to keep myself busy with work, but I've cancelled all my meetings and set my slack status to "No meetings" because I can't face them. I am so grateful that talking about mental health is normalised and encouraged at my workplace.

Sophie Koonin (@type__error)Tue, 22 Jun 2021 10:58 +0000

https://twitter.com/celebritygus/status/1406853488567472130

palt (@pontifexalt)Mon, 21 Jun 2021 18:38 +0000

found a good subreddit

return the slab (@celebritygus)Mon, 21 Jun 2021 05:56 +0000

Avril Lavigne is on TikTok now and her first video is this perfect collab with Tony Hawk

Alexis Benveniste (@apbenven)Mon, 21 Jun 2021 19:09 +0000

Your pom.xml might list just 7 dependencies, but your application might be dependent on many more. One of my favorite @intellijidea features is being able to view ALL the dependencies in my @ASFMavenProject project, in a visual manner (including its transitive dependencies).

Mala Gupta (@eMalaGupta)Tue, 22 Jun 2021 03:31 +0000

engineering managers: what do you wish you had known or realized in your first 6 months of being a new engineering manager? asking for a.. me! now that my team knows, i can publicly say: i'm gonna be a manager! (and yes, my team IS hiring 🥰)

Denise Yu (@deniseyu21)Mon, 21 Jun 2021 15:43 +0000

Of course Covid would say that.

No Context Brits (@NoContextBrits)Mon, 21 Jun 2021 10:41 +0000

Covid has stolen my best 26-30 railcard years

Natalya Lobanova (@NatalyaLobanova)Sun, 20 Jun 2021 21:33 +0000

https://twitter.com/jathansadowski/status/1406348918066085891

Dan Price waterboarded his wife amid a horrifying campaign of abuse, maybe don't signal boost the guy who waterboarded his wife

Peter Henderson (@Henderburn)Sun, 20 Jun 2021 21:55 +0000

Parent: If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you do it too? Machine Learning Model: yes

Jordan Hall 💻 (@DivineOmega)Sun, 20 Jun 2021 03:28 +0000

Weird way to do subtitles for the Formula 1 race.

Ólafur Waage (@olafurw)Sat, 19 Jun 2021 13:49 +0000

happy fathers day to him

bren (@intheheiqhts)Sun, 20 Jun 2021 03:54 +0000

https://twitter.com/colly/status/1406270278221668359

Big day

Simon Collison (@colly)Sun, 20 Jun 2021 18:02 +0000

Imagine Mary Shelley writing Frankenstein with Lord Byron swanning around in the background in a cocaine wine blackout. That's the focus I need.

Amy (@amyis_trying)Sun, 20 Jun 2021 12:33 +0000

Everyone: it’s okay, the girlboss ted talk child cant hurt you Girlboss ted talk child:

Kylie Robison (@kyliebytes)Fri, 18 Jun 2021 17:33 +0000