My mum just waited until the dog had walked out the room to tell me what she'd bought him for Christmas.

Louise Haigh (@LouHaigh)Thu, 23 Dec 2021 19:14 GMT

Flying home in 2 years, got my PCR test result today. My heart pumped as if I was checking a uni offer letter or a job-interview result. It's negative! ✈️🇹🇭

Tanin (@LandTanin)Fri, 24 Dec 2021 20:28 GMT

"Can you set the table please"

Stephen (@Stephenlough95)Fri, 24 Dec 2021 18:00 GMT

In case anyone wondered what a hedgehog getting an X-ray looked like

Dr. Longissimus (@DrLongissimus)Fri, 24 Dec 2021 07:22 GMT

https://twitter.com/DrLongissimus/status/1474279234239619087

I never thought anything would top this

Career Suicide Podcast (@RandomAssault)Fri, 24 Dec 2021 18:48 GMT

https://twitter.com/DrLongissimus/status/1474279234239619087

S. Cock Fitzgerald (@Fillup_3_Hotmen)Fri, 24 Dec 2021 19:47 GMT

https://twitter.com/Fillup_3_Hotmen/status/1474466733729660930

Iggy - ゴッド  (@Sinokei_)Fri, 24 Dec 2021 20:25 GMT

https://twitter.com/bradfitz/status/1474472230696325121

I started hitting them back - a lot of them were chinese and other foreign ASNs with strange ports open that would accept random connections 🤷🏻‍♀️

Kris Nóva (@krisnova)Fri, 24 Dec 2021 20:35 GMT

julietteyooo (@Julietteyooo)Fri, 24 Dec 2021 20:35 GMT

really wish i hadn’t dated so many generic looking white men. walking in the financial district is terrifying

mx. claus 🤶🏼 (@SamAllenX)Fri, 24 Dec 2021 20:16 GMT

“Planning a New Years Eve Party? Add these 5 suggestions to your list.” 1. Don’t 2. See 1 3. See 1 4. See 1 5. Seriously, don’t

Rich Burroughs (@richburroughs)Fri, 24 Dec 2021 20:34 GMT

https://twitter.com/CodeFoodPixels/status/1474440862918709262

Every so often I'll think of a new one and just blurt out "So you know we have Santa Claus..." and she'll sigh. She's stuck with me.

Luke Bonaccorsi 🏳️‍🌈 (@CodeFoodPixels)Fri, 24 Dec 2021 18:05 GMT

So my current favourite thing is to ask @_QueenOfNaps_ things along the lines of "so if we have Santa Claus and pets have Santa Paws, do dinosaurs have Santa Roars?" My favourites so far including that one are "Do stock pots have Santa Knorrs?" And "Do fish have Santa Jaws?"

Luke Bonaccorsi 🏳️‍🌈 (@CodeFoodPixels)Fri, 24 Dec 2021 18:04 GMT

clarice tudor (@claricetudor_)Wed, 22 Dec 2021 17:24 GMT

My cat, an idiot: Those ornaments look exactly like my toys. Why can’t I play with them? Me, pinnacle of animals: That felt frog wearing a top hat is to celebrate The Lord

Jason (@longwall26)Sun, 23 Dec 2018 16:31 GMT

Mum wants us home for NYE to “pray in the new year”

Jason Okundaye (@jasebyjason)Fri, 24 Dec 2021 12:01 GMT

Christmas Eve is good because you can shout “DON’T COME IN HERE!!!” and people assume you’re wrapping their presents, rather than just wanting to be left alone.

Rob Temple (@RobTemple101)Sun, 24 Dec 2017 11:06 GMT

Fire smbc-comics.com/comic/fire-3 (click for full comic) #smbc #hiveworks

Zach Weinersmith (@ZachWeiner)Tue, 21 Dec 2021 13:42 GMT

There is little worse than knowing you saw something on twitter and never being able to find it again….

Kristy Tillman (🏌🏾‍♀️,⛳️)(🔥,🔥)(🔺,🔺)(😈,😇) (@KristyT)Fri, 24 Dec 2021 04:26 GMT

This, but with TikTok. You can’t even try to search for it. It’s just gone. Never to be seen again.

twitter.com/kristyt/status…

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There is little worse than knowing you saw something on twitter and never being able to find it again….

Kristy Tillman (🏌🏾‍♀️,⛳️)(🔥,🔥)(🔺,🔺)(😈,😇) (@KristyT)Fri, 24 Dec 2021 04:26 GMT

Mina Markham (@MinaMarkham)Fri, 24 Dec 2021 16:10 GMT

https://twitter.com/techgirl1908/status/1474383278102691848

Nothing (as I don’t cook). Next year we are hiring a caterer. Why complicate a day with family wondering about food?

Bryan Liles (@bryanl)Fri, 24 Dec 2021 16:21 GMT

Stop using fully remote to get engineers interested if in reality, you’ll want them in the office 2x a month.

Randall (@RandallKanna)Fri, 24 Dec 2021 16:20 GMT

This week I took medical leave from work to take care of my burnout / mental health. I lost my capacity to take care of myself and enjoy the things I love the most. Now even after one week, I can barely concentrate on anything, even if it was supposed to be “fun”. #burnout

Daniela Petruzalek (@danicat83)Fri, 24 Dec 2021 14:07 GMT

If you're dealing with security bullshit through the holidays, make sure they're paying you a premium for it.

DevSadOps (@sadoperator)Fri, 24 Dec 2021 14:19 GMT

Ha. I hadn’t seen this. Well played timing by Johns Hopkins social media team.

Jason Kint (@jason_kint)Wed, 22 Dec 2021 23:24 GMT

💯

Skweezy Jibbs (@Skweezy)Wed, 22 Dec 2021 23:06 GMT

https://twitter.com/Sp4ghettiCode/status/1474334683987156996

Thank you @nottmhospitals for literally being there 24/7 365 days of the year Triaged, X-rayed and given the results all in just over an hour on Christmas Eve. Remarkable. Thank you!!

Ed George 🍝 (@Sp4ghettiCode)Fri, 24 Dec 2021 11:17 GMT

Rick is a good boy

rachel (@ohhoe)Fri, 24 Dec 2021 08:55 GMT

I don’t want to be a girl boss, I want to be a girl hobbit and live in a hobbit hole and have two leisurely breakfasts everyday and a garden full of potatoes

Moniza Hossain (@moniza_hossain)Thu, 23 Dec 2021 03:28 GMT

My love language is removing tracking parts from URLs before sharing them.

Sameera (@SamKap)Tue, 21 Sep 2021 17:42 +0000

https://twitter.com/QuinnyPig/status/1473887418973446146

Thank you, @awscloud. aws.amazon.com/security/secur…

Corey Quinn (@QuinnyPig)Thu, 23 Dec 2021 23:57 GMT

Forget fintechs. This is actual innovation:

Brandon Lee Hoop (@brandonleehoop)Wed, 22 Dec 2021 18:03 GMT

This was my opinion of Elf On A Shelf in 2017. If anything my view has strengthened. It is immoral, on many levels.

𝗕𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗿 ᶦˢ ˢᵗᶦˡˡ ᵘⁿᶜᵒⁿᵛᶦⁿᶜᵉᵈ ᵇʸ ᵇˡᵒᶜᵏᶜʰᵃᶦⁿ (@alexbloor)Fri, 24 Dec 2021 07:45 GMT

This video is 12 seconds long and its narrative arc is breathtaking

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Von nem Freund der da arbeitet lol

M (@seitimmer)Thu, 23 Dec 2021 10:11 GMT

mcc (@mcclure111)Thu, 23 Dec 2021 20:25 GMT

Von nem Freund der da arbeitet lol

M (@seitimmer)Thu, 23 Dec 2021 10:11 GMT

Just in time to be loaded on Santa's sleigh, we released #systemd v250! Coming soon to a Christmas tree near you... unless you've been naughty of course, in which case you'll only get a lump of shell scripts! github.com/systemd/system…

Luca (@blucaz)Thu, 23 Dec 2021 20:36 GMT

Maybe AWS keeps going down because they run all their stuff on prem

Amit Gupta (@amitkgupta84)Thu, 23 Dec 2021 01:03 GMT

Thanks to @technottingham for the prize that we (the fab “Team B”) won at the #technott virtual Christmas party! Thanks to my lovely teammates @MicaSophieBell @nottscolin & @marmaladegirl and thanks @pete_codes for sending it. Merry Christmas 🎄

Paula Kennedy (@PaulaLKennedy)Thu, 23 Dec 2021 16:15 GMT

i am thankful for dumbass content like this

rachel (@ohhoe)Fri, 24 Dec 2021 07:29 GMT

buying food online

Stevie Martin (@5tevieM)Thu, 23 Dec 2021 19:16 GMT

Carbon offsetting is like promising to have a baby for every person you murder.

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We know our community has a lot of questions about this new direction, including how it will benefit creators, and how we’ll stay true to our environmental commitments. We are listening. We’ve started an FAQ at kickstarter.com/protocol with what we’ve been asked the most. twitter.com/Kickstarter/st…

Kickstarter (@Kickstarter)Wed, 15 Dec 2021 18:01 GMT

John Reppion (@johnreppion)Thu, 16 Dec 2021 10:59 GMT

Guy in Plato’s Cave: “Okay but what if I owned one of these shadows on the wall, with the blockchain?”

Abigail Thorn (@PhilosophyTube)Thu, 16 Dec 2021 11:21 GMT

Gotta bring this back

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Guy in Plato’s Cave: “Okay but what if I owned one of these shadows on the wall, with the blockchain?”

Abigail Thorn (@PhilosophyTube)Thu, 16 Dec 2021 11:21 GMT

Classical Studies Memes for Hellenistic Teens (@CSMFHT)Tue, 21 Dec 2021 19:35 GMT