there's no such thing as average penis length

violet valentine (@slutpilled)Tue, 04 Jan 2022 06:46 GMT

https://twitter.com/slutpilled/status/1478256793721745413

those who would agree to it would mostly be people with bigger penises anyway so you would end up with a sampling bias

violet valentine (@slutpilled)Tue, 04 Jan 2022 06:54 GMT

Omicron at every New Years party tonight.

Burg (@burglol)Fri, 31 Dec 2021 12:36 GMT

Early 2022 Twitter timeline so far is just extreme whiplash between people getting covid and people getting new jobs

swyx (@swyx)Mon, 03 Jan 2022 17:45 GMT

Few people understand that Twitter is the general Slack channel for everyone in tech.

Anna Gát 🧭 Miami/NYC (Jan10-Feb7) (@TheAnnaGat)Sun, 02 Jan 2022 17:21 GMT

https://twitter.com/mozilla/status/1476951030638260225

Hi, I'm sure that whoever runs this account has no idea who I am, but I founded @mozilla and I'm here to say fuck you and fuck this. Everyone involved in the project should be witheringly ashamed of this decision to partner with planet-incinerating Ponzi grifters.

j͕̠̦̪͕̓͛̊̾̄ͅw̧̧̳̪̘͊̋͗̾͢͠z̢̘̞͈̺̞̩̓̽̐̋͗̆̋̚͟͜ (@jwz)Mon, 03 Jan 2022 15:15 GMT

I have news!! I'm joining @remote as their Head of Developer Experience and Education! ✨

Cassidy (@cassidoo)Mon, 03 Jan 2022 17:09 GMT

https://twitter.com/rawkode/status/1477984433764540422

Your timeline is just a @jenkinsci pipeline with some flaky and hence unstable tests 🤪🤗

Oleg Nenashev (@oleg_nenashev)Mon, 03 Jan 2022 15:56 GMT

A college boyfriend of mine said he thought it was fair to challenge women engineers to prove themselves as good as men. Surely, if the women were as good, then they could just prove it? He couldn't imagine what a life would be like for someone always tasked to prove themselves.

Adriana Porter Felt (@__apf__)Mon, 03 Jan 2022 15:56 GMT

It's just that level of cold in Nottingham today where us Brits will use the word 'nippy' and all universally understand what that means

Ed George 🍝 (@Sp4ghettiCode)Mon, 03 Jan 2022 16:00 GMT

The Call for Proposals (CFP) for codebar Festival is still open. If you've ever thought about speaking at an event this is the most welcoming audience. If you have an idea for a session and want to run it by someone, or have someone help you develop your idea. Drop me a DM!

Kimberley Cook (@KimberleyCook91)Mon, 03 Jan 2022 11:04 GMT

If Psaki won't even go into the same room with more than 14 triple-vaxxed, regularly tested and masked people, you shouldn't have to go to work and you definitely shouldn't send your kids to school.

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The White House press briefing room is being reduced to only fourteen seats due to concerns about omicron, effective tomorrow, per the @whca.

Scott Bixby (@scottbix)Mon, 03 Jan 2022 01:03 GMT

#ACAB (@OLAASM)Mon, 03 Jan 2022 01:39 GMT

i understand finding matrix 4’s lack of subtlety grating but i would never wanna use metaphors again either if the metaphorical allegory i wrote before got co-opted by far right patriarchal fascists whose whole thing is to eradicate my entire people

Auld Sang Lyne (@ElSangito)Sun, 02 Jan 2022 18:14 GMT

Ok, I think this is the year I finally learn how to drive. Only experience so far: Mario Kart. But I’ve been told that’s not the same.

Pauline P. Narvas 🐾💪🏼💜 (@paulienuh)Sun, 02 Jan 2022 11:21 GMT

API design is product design.

🎆🧁 Mark Dalgleish (@markdalgleish)Mon, 03 Jan 2022 07:54 GMT

https://twitter.com/EmmaBostian/status/1477945689976020994

Don't worry I didn't make her social media accounts because A) I am not on-board with baby influencers and B) She won't have social media until she's 27.

Emma Bostian 🐞 (@EmmaBostian)Mon, 03 Jan 2022 10:12 GMT

Tell me you're over-preparing for your baby without TELLING me you're over-preparing for your baby: I just made my unborn baby a Gmail account to make sure she has a professional email address 📩

Emma Bostian 🐞 (@EmmaBostian)Mon, 03 Jan 2022 10:11 GMT

I just bought my unborn baby a domain name that will likely sit unused for years... starting off strong.

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Let this be the year I don’t buy 12 domains and let them sit there in solitary confinement 💻

Emma Bostian 🐞 (@EmmaBostian)Mon, 03 Jan 2022 07:05 GMT

Emma Bostian 🐞 (@EmmaBostian)Mon, 03 Jan 2022 10:20 GMT

Did Betty White have balls of steel? No, she had labia of titanium. Like all fab feminists! (Thx to all pals who sent me this reminder of her general wonderfulness. ) RIP #BettyWhite

Kathy Lette (@KathyLette)Sun, 02 Jan 2022 21:28 GMT

Rapid Antigen Tests should be free.

Australian Greens (@Greens)Mon, 03 Jan 2022 02:33 GMT

Time for the rest of the world to follow.

Bucky with the Good Arm (@benjancewicz)Mon, 17 May 2021 21:55 +0000

Super smart to call it "Boba Fett's Starship" instead of... you know... the original name >.< Glad they renamed it ign.com/articles/boba-…

Hilary aka H-Bomb (@g33klady)Mon, 03 Jan 2022 04:06 GMT

hating sex workers is a disease get well soon

marina 🕊☭ (@marinaxdove)Sun, 02 Jan 2022 15:50 GMT

Ladies, one thing we’re not doing in 2022 is ending sentences with “if that makes sense” and “if that’s okay.” Tell the others.

New Year, Sassier Britches (@LShalott)Sat, 01 Jan 2022 01:00 GMT

WholesomeMemes (@WholesomeMeme)Mon, 03 Jan 2022 04:56 GMT

Being an introvert is not about where you get your energy. It's how you handle stimulation. Introverts are energized by people too. We’re just easily exhausted by loud parties, close talkers, and endless houseguests. I'm not antisocial. I'm pro-quiet. #worldintrovertday

Adam Grant (@AdamMGrant)Sun, 02 Jan 2022 14:01 GMT

Yeah I stole your ape pics. What are you gonna do, draw some police

Viktor Winetrout (@Cpin42)Sun, 02 Jan 2022 07:08 GMT

zoos aren't animal prisons they're animal jails most of those animals have not been convicted of crimes, and (many people do not know this) you can bail the animals out if you have enough money

subjective function optimization (@Theophite)Wed, 13 Nov 2019 02:31 GMT

it appears your tokens are more fungible than you claimed, mister bond

matt (@mpopv)Sat, 01 Jan 2022 08:06 GMT

Yo HOLD ON Why is this a GAME? LOL store.steampowered.com/app/1509650/I_…

jacky.wtf (@jackyalcine)Mon, 03 Jan 2022 05:39 GMT

https://twitter.com/ChloeCondon/status/1477535257893113857

And she hadn't played the role since 2015 😱 Y'all IMAGINE being able to casually step into one of the most vocally demanding roles on BroadWAY, AND being able to do bubble sort. I--?!?? Ma'am, we are not WORTHY!! 🙇‍♀️🛐🙏🙌 @sticklercarla is an absolute ICON.

Chloe Condon (@ChloeCondon)Sun, 02 Jan 2022 17:25 GMT

my therapist recently told me if you live by the cheers, you die by the boos. that stopped me right in my tracks.

holistic mami✨ (@LeArielleSimone)Sun, 02 Jan 2022 18:47 GMT

gatorsafterdark (@gatorsafterdark)Sat, 01 Jan 2022 21:03 GMT

We are lucky Covid isn't worse than it is Because the next one will be worse

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Covid 19 is probably the best world society has ever handled a pandemic, take that as you will

The Cosmist Insurrection, Inc. ™ (@yungneocon)Sun, 02 Jan 2022 17:37 GMT

K6XSS // Gregg (@greggawatt)Sun, 02 Jan 2022 21:53 GMT

Covid 19 is probably the best world society has ever handled a pandemic, take that as you will

The Cosmist Insurrection, Inc. ™ (@yungneocon)Sun, 02 Jan 2022 17:37 GMT

I imagine @jack realized that the future meant apologizing to members of Congress in hearings for the rest of his life then decided to ✌🏾as Twitter CEO.

Dare Obasanjo (@Carnage4Life)Sun, 02 Jan 2022 21:58 GMT

reminding myself that the buzziest tech terms of last year ("metaverse" & "web3") were both intentional rebrandings of things people didnt like (facebook & crypto)

nathanjurgenson (@nathanjurgenson)Sun, 02 Jan 2022 18:41 GMT

I got COVID and missed the actual dates, so girlfriend and I decided to do a little delayed christmas/nye fusion this weekend 🥰 Feeling especially grateful because arguably the best thing to happen to me in 2021 was her.

Carolyn Stransky (@carolstran)Sun, 02 Jan 2022 21:49 GMT