I’ve been seeing a bad edit of this going around this week, so here’s the real one, FYI. Notice the one on the left has fewer kids as well

Dirty Sexy History (@DrtySexyHistory)Sat, 07 May 2022 22:16 +0000

"Abortion kills a person!" "So does morons with a lot of access to firearms. often kills many all at the same time"

Captain Macho Pirate Mick Rackham ❤️‍🔥🏴‍☠️🍺⚓🌻 (@tw2113)Sun, 08 May 2022 04:04 +0000

I've just realised what Brexiteers wanted - more queuing! Brits love to queue and I now definitely need to do that at Schiphol even though I live here - no self-service international for me 🙄

Hardcore Software Engineer (@tanepiper)Sun, 08 May 2022 04:52 +0000

Imagine if all photos you saw on Twitter looked like this? You’d feel like you were missing out, wouldn’t you? I’m blind & this is what I see. But YOU can change this by simply hitting the ALT (alternative text) button & adding an image description. It’s that easy!

Kelly (@barton_kell)Tue, 03 May 2022 08:50 +0000

https://twitter.com/DearAuntCrabby/status/1523098111802896385

I took an egg, milk & flour to a pro-life bake sale. Told them it was a cake.

The Ghost of Dean Barnett (@RobertS83007261)Sun, 08 May 2022 00:40 +0000

Flew in for a friend’s bachelor party and the moment I check into my hotel, someone in group chat says: “Just found out someone I spent the past 4 days with has Covid but don’t worry I tested negative and I’ll wear a mask.” No, I think I won’t worry because you’re staying home.

Robert G. Reeve (@RobertGReeve)Sat, 07 May 2022 20:23 +0000

https://twitter.com/RobertGReeve/status/1523049303832363009

This is a childhood friend who asked me to be his best man, so yeah I think I’ve got some social pressures I’m weighing things against here. (And the sunk cost of the flight and hotel.) Do you think we’ll ever not be anxious about this stuff ever again

Robert G. Reeve (@RobertGReeve)Sat, 07 May 2022 21:24 +0000

https://twitter.com/amritxyz/status/1522289221003788290

Amrit, quick question, what's your salary?

Syg (@sygint)Sat, 07 May 2022 11:49 +0000

https://twitter.com/kim_crawley/status/1522914770680270848

He got quiet.

Marco Rogers (@polotek)Sat, 07 May 2022 14:45 +0000

Girls don’t want boys girls want Natalie Portman as Thor

Selina (@ECNALHANID)Sat, 07 May 2022 13:01 +0000

https://twitter.com/ArmandoJRubioD/status/1522735039573864450

is it only freedom of speech when it’s in direct favor of elon?

jared (@jaredconkel2)Sat, 07 May 2022 17:51 +0000

We scrub up alright!

Matt Brunt (@Brunty)Sat, 07 May 2022 09:33 +0000

Fighting words. 🤣🤣🤣

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You're not a real container company @Docker

Ryan Petersen (@typesfast)Fri, 06 May 2022 15:22 +0000

Dan Moore (@mooreds)Sat, 07 May 2022 16:42 +0000

I'm almost 46, and I just realized I don't have a hobby. 🥺 Send me your hobby for me to see about trying.

Jeremy, The Patronizing Saint of DevOps 🇺🇲🇺🇦 (@IAmJerdog)Sat, 07 May 2022 02:40 +0000

I have some personal news 👀 Today is my last day at Google! 🛫🏝🌅 I am leaving to take a long break from full-time employment and explore different ways Open Source maintainers can get paid. I want to make words.filippo.io/professional-m… a thing, starting with Go cryptography!

Filippo Valsorda (@FiloSottile)Fri, 06 May 2022 20:15 +0000

I'm a Jewish woman. I should not be forced to live under Evangelical Christian ideologies.

Red (@Redpainter1)Fri, 06 May 2022 21:09 +0000

Pyramid Chad (@chadpencil)Sat, 07 May 2022 17:25 +0000

https://twitter.com/amritxyz/status/1522289221003788290

Do crazy talented founders give their employees the same share of company equity as them or are they just trying to get rich and exploit people by telling them that talented people don’t work for a lot of money?

Tim Banks is a little pear-shaped thing (@elchefe)Sat, 07 May 2022 14:03 +0000

https://twitter.com/amritxyz/status/1522289221003788290

Nah I want the money and perks.

Emma Bostian (@EmmaBostian)Sat, 07 May 2022 09:28 +0000

https://twitter.com/EmmaBostian/status/1522871022399205378

I’m being cheeky here but the sentiment remains. People want to be paid appropriately and have a good work/life balance. No shame there.

Emma Bostian (@EmmaBostian)Sat, 07 May 2022 09:29 +0000

At the start of this year I chose to have an abortion even though I became pregnant in a deeply loving relationship, and with a lot of hard…

I had an abortion this year and it hurts my soul the fact that we still debating this shit as a society. The rhetoric on all sides demonstrates how far we are from a society full of love and community. link.medium.com/AXak18IyPpb

Tess Cooper 🏳️‍🌈 (@tessacooper5)Sat, 07 May 2022 08:17 +0000

https://twitter.com/CarolSaysThings/status/1522514124369969153

Ok defo not just me, and it is [activate jean ralphio voice] the woOOorst 🎶 @SlackHQ pls sort it out 🙏🏼

Carol 🌻 (@CarolSaysThings)Fri, 06 May 2022 10:40 +0000

Trevor Noah is always on point

Lee 🌻 (@FloridaDem108)Thu, 05 May 2022 10:55 +0000

https://twitter.com/firefly_dude/status/1522680310491660289

Batman fr just went "seriously?" And she immediately gave up what the fuck

NYCWalIcrawler (@minecraftboy822)Sat, 07 May 2022 02:50 +0000

"riddle me this batman Harley Quinn and *licks lips* Poison Ivy completely naked and covered in Oil. Whos winning the Twerk off???"

Husky 🏳️‍⚧️ (@FakeHusky)Fri, 06 May 2022 01:42 +0000

Everyone keeps asking me to make decisions and the only decision I’m 100% sure of is I just want to have a nap

Pauline P. Narvas 😵‍💫 (@paulienuh)Sat, 07 May 2022 07:08 +0000

The most frustrating thing I've found about chemotherapy, is having the mental capacity to do things, but not having the physical energy to actually do them. Having to "nap" in the middle of the day makes me feel like a 90-year-old 😭👴

Matt Hobbs v2.0 💉💉💉💉 (@TheRealNooshu)Fri, 06 May 2022 21:30 +0000

https://twitter.com/bark_maul/status/1522690689611485186

Oh god the tiny puppy snores

The Rt Hon Abeloth Penfro KC MP (@bark_maul)Fri, 06 May 2022 21:44 +0000

Something to think about

Taylor Lorenz (@TaylorLorenz)Sat, 07 May 2022 02:33 +0000

https://twitter.com/saban_girl/status/1522638412460736513

Right, but that’s the point - people would rather fetishize/perpetuate the aesthetics of the oppression rather than the part where they fight back.

Erin, on the side of caution (@CalliopeAnim)Fri, 06 May 2022 18:08 +0000

I've been working full-time in tech for over 27 years. I'm feeling this so hard right now, and need a break. Or a hobby. Or both?

Jeremy, The Patronizing Saint of DevOps 🇺🇲🇺🇦 (@IAmJerdog)Sat, 07 May 2022 02:42 +0000

mood

j̴̢͘҉i̸̢͞z̛̛̀҉͞z̡͞w̶̵̢͜͞i̡͘t̸͝͝c̸͝h̀͏ (@fingerbIaster)Sat, 07 May 2022 02:42 +0000

An ultimate “that guy,” and great torchbearer of the Chicago ‘stache

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Rest In Peace to a great actor & Chicago native, Mike Hagerty. His countless roles included WAYNE'S WORLD, OVERBOARD, SO I MARRIED AN AXE MURDERER, DICK TRACY, RED HEAT, SPEED 2, BREWSTER'S MILLIONS, NOTHING IN COMMON, and AUSTIN POWERS THE SPY WHO SHAGGED ME.

Music Box Theatre (@musicboxtheatre)Fri, 06 May 2022 19:16 +0000

Kim Bellware (@bellwak)Fri, 06 May 2022 19:25 +0000

Rest In Peace to a great actor & Chicago native, Mike Hagerty. His countless roles included WAYNE'S WORLD, OVERBOARD, SO I MARRIED AN AXE MURDERER, DICK TRACY, RED HEAT, SPEED 2, BREWSTER'S MILLIONS, NOTHING IN COMMON, and AUSTIN POWERS THE SPY WHO SHAGGED ME.

Music Box Theatre (@musicboxtheatre)Fri, 06 May 2022 19:16 +0000

as opposed to now, when they serve tens of thousands of requests per second using software engineered by babies twitter.com/elonmusk/statu…

Cara (@caraesten)Sat, 07 May 2022 03:23 +0000

https://twitter.com/desoprotocol/status/1522598715671810055

Completely unnecessary

Arthur Sparks (@arthur__sparks)Sat, 07 May 2022 04:11 +0000

https://twitter.com/OldunCow/status/1522709334739673088

I know one or two things.

Grady Booch (@Grady_Booch)Fri, 06 May 2022 23:31 +0000

https://twitter.com/2021_Chacon/status/1522712137843429376

Because his intention for owning it is dubious and self serving

AmericanMirror (@american_mirror)Sat, 07 May 2022 02:06 +0000