Do y'all remember that one guy who got rich by investing his family's blood emerald money in one shitty website, shot a car into space, and then lost all the money buying another shitty website?

Welcome to the 22 new users to this instance TONIGHT, and & for many of you, welcome to the #Mastodon & the #Fediverse. Promise this will be different than Twitter for those of you migrating on the …

acquired C A T. You put the C A T in your K E Y I T E M S pocket.

ⓒⓐⓣⓢⓣⓨ (@blastycats)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 16:37 GMT

https://twitter.com/blastycats/status/1588571209482252295

TheOnyxGuy (@TheOnyxGuy)Sat, 05 Nov 2022 03:31 GMT

https://twitter.com/YoderSecreto/status/1588724639181967361

I didn’t lose my job mate but enjoy running around the internet being mean to people. Interesting life choice.

Cassie Evans (@cassiecodes)Sat, 05 Nov 2022 08:53 GMT

https://twitter.com/trostcodes/status/1588557779736096768

Someone remix this meme to be on fire

Cassie Evans (@cassiecodes)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 16:00 GMT

https://twitter.com/JorgeEscobar/status/1588620301419835392

It sounds like you've never actually refactor a system, let alone rebuilt an entire platform without downtime 🙄

Lincoln W Daniel (@LincolnWDaniel)Sat, 05 Nov 2022 03:06 GMT

Ok, I’ve joined #Mastodon but also this

Sinéad Crowley (@SineadCrowley)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 22:37 GMT

Man there’s really an xkcd for everything

Cassie Evans (@cassiecodes)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 14:00 GMT

https://twitter.com/themaxburns/status/1588682677330522115

"Sir, the advertisers are nervous about your unpredictability." "Have we tried turning a digital lynch mob against them?"

Max Burns (@themaxburns)Sat, 05 Nov 2022 00:01 GMT

https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1588676939463946241

"Advertise on Twitter or I will unleash my followers on your brand" is a pretty wild bizdev strategy!

Max Burns (@themaxburns)Sat, 05 Nov 2022 00:00 GMT

For Christmas this year, I’m going to splurge and give everyone in my family blue checks on Twitter.

Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 22:20 GMT

holy fucking shit, Elon Musk is teaching a master class in how not to run a business and I am so fucking here for it. pass the popcorn

Jeff Tiedrich (@itsJeffTiedrich)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 18:40 GMT

the best part of elon musk posting through his troubles owning this website is that it’s clearly bothering him how much pushback he’s getting. he has let us know his weakness and that bullying gets to him

transgender marx (@JUNlPER)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 21:42 GMT

truly never a better time to make yourself a horrible little website. get a domain and put some words on it. plaintext is IN

everest (@everestpipkin)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 20:56 GMT

It’s impossible to tell the stories of the Arab Spring, Black Lives Matter, MeToo - but also the Trump Presidency and Jan 6 - without Twitter. I wonder how history books will describe it, and how …

What I've been working on today morning: Maven Central setup automation for @ASFMavenProject, @jreleaser and Github Actions - guides through the process - checks TXT record - creates GPG keys and exports them to GH secrets - creates jreleaser config and github action

Maciej Walkowiak 🍃 (@maciejwalkowiak)Sat, 05 Nov 2022 10:00 GMT

https://twitter.com/LeeHillORM/status/1588618963998621696

He's not the wealthiest man who ever lived. It's pretty damning that you're so insecure that you get defensive on some rich loser's behalf.

biblically accurate uncle (@coolthulu)Sat, 05 Nov 2022 03:36 GMT

There is nothing better than waking up and enjoying a fresh, steaming cup of my own urine. Such a tangy way to start the day, and it’s scientifically proven to help brain cells grow. If you want to be like me, drink your pee.

Elon Musk (@ChrisWarcraft)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 15:37 GMT

No Context Brits (@NoContextBrits)Sat, 05 Nov 2022 08:11 GMT

oh shit

born miserable (@bornmiserable)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 06:30 GMT

This would actually make a journalist more trustworthy for me than a checkmark decided by some obscure team at a tech company with no accountability. r2.do/@ralf/10927340…

Esther (@selfawaresoup)Sat, 05 Nov 2022 10:27 GMT

Elon Musk: Welcome to my Twitter, you can say anything here now! Advertisers: it's kinda sleazy, tho EM: STFU, you WILL like it bitches Advertisers: actually, we're leaving EM: How dare you? Did Lefties tell you to? We'll thermonuclear you!!!!

BrooklynDad_Defiant!☮️ (@mmpadellan)Sat, 05 Nov 2022 06:00 GMT

What a coincidence: “The layoffs included a number of people who were scheduled to be on call this weekend and early next week to monitor for signs of foreign disinformation, spam and other problematic content around the election” washingtonpost.com/technology/202…

Mark Sumner🌻 (@Devilstower)Sat, 05 Nov 2022 01:09 GMT

how many incidents do you think twitter has in a day, how many do you think they're going to have, how many do you think they have the capacity to respond to now

Senior Oops Engineer (@ReinH)Sat, 05 Nov 2022 08:00 GMT

it seems like elon definitely uses his verified notifications tab which is going to make it really funny when anyone can buy their way onto it

eevee ❎ (@eevee)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 21:59 GMT

"If I can login to this computer, I possibly still have a job" is not the way we should be learning about this whims of a megalomaniac

Post details

https://twitter.com/grkn/status/1588641808363716610

I told her "If I can login to this computer, I possibly still have a job". I typed my password, hmm it worked. Then went to my email, ok it seems to still work. Logged out, tried logging in back, ok that's still there.

Gurkan Oluc (@grkn)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 21:18 GMT

bencord0 (@bencord0)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 22:00 GMT

https://twitter.com/MarcusA99023815/status/1588376817605672960

Thor Ragnarok is every reason he should reboot power rangers

Marcus Aguilar (@MarcusA99023815)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 19:31 GMT

Elon Musk (4/2022): “I don’t care about the economics at all” Elon Musk (11/2022): “Let’s charge people for a blue check, paywall videos, and charge people to send DMs to celebrities” Elon Musk (11/2022): “The woke left is why Twitter can’t make money”

Gabe Sanchez  (@iamgabesanchez)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 16:15 GMT

MY GOAT DISSED ANDREW TATE 😭

гг ~ 𖤐 (@tize4PF)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 04:54 GMT

I know a lot about writing comedy, so I bought a giant, unprofitable shoe store. I fired many employees and decided to charge Stephen King $8 a month to come to my store. Things are going badly and I believe it is the fault of a left-leaning powerful clown in upstate NY.

Eugene Mirman (@EugeneMirman)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 17:19 GMT

Me and the homies when we went outt

𝑮𝒊𝒐 🇲🇽 (@Palace_gio)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 03:07 GMT

pug owners: my dog is the cutest thing ever the dog:

PYPER🫐 (@badbbyaera)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 02:43 GMT

The worst part of all this is that, soon, we will have to rely on the @awscloud status page for outage information, which is only slightly less accurate than a stormtrooper.

Tim Banks: expense report edition (@elchefe)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 18:22 GMT

i think it is simply beautiful when a man is able to look past my mental illness and love me for my boobs

a (@aallleeexxxxxx1)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 02:35 GMT

I just saw this removed live on Elon Musk's page! "Readers added context they thought people might want to know" as twitter staff facing layoffs report the surge in advertisers cancelling their ads with Twitter.

Erin Reed (@ErinInTheMorn)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 16:40 GMT

laying off the entire curation team 4 days before incredibly consequential midterm elections in the U.S., just a genius move

Versha Sharma (@versharma)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 14:15 GMT

The init system that everybody loves to hate

When people on Twitter complain about their "free speech" being violated, they're literally only talking about content that harasses and calls for violence on vulnerable people. It's not good faith …

We need better role models in tech. Billionaire white dudes ain’t it.

Heldiney 🇺🇦 (@heldiney)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 19:18 GMT

I thought I looked nice in my sweater but my fiancée said I look like a retired member of the X-Men.

Alexis Pereira (@MrAlexisPereira)Thu, 03 Nov 2022 17:44 GMT

https://twitter.com/barry/status/1588547525392437251

At least give her credit.

Dr Meredith ‘Land Back’ Warren (@DrMJCWarren)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 15:31 GMT

If a dude can be CEO of three companies at the same time that just says to me CEO isn't a very demanding or important job.

Barry Petchesky (@barry)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 15:03 GMT

https://twitter.com/oneunderscore__/status/1588378772129992704

Considering where the rest of the money is coming from and the timing of everything, it’s undoubtedly malicious. Think about how valuable destroying a major tool of communication is to those who wish to end the powerful democracy currently teetering on a knife’s edge.

Megan Sutherlin (@MeganSutherlin)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 06:11 GMT