BREAKING: Boris Johnson's resignation honours list includes the donor who arranged his holiday to Mustique, Nadine Dorries & two of his former aides who are set to become the youngest life peers ever. This is one of the funniest jokes I've ever written & yet it's entirely true 😍

Laura Kuenssberg beyond parody (@LKTranslator)Tue, 08 Nov 2022 09:55 GMT

STFU THERE ARE PUPPIES AT JAMSTACK

sunil pai, inc. at jamstack conf (@threepointone)Tue, 08 Nov 2022 03:14 GMT

HELP! I need some last-minute advice. At the polls tomorrow, should I vote for or against THE HANDMAID'S TALE?

Mike Godwin (@sfmnemonic)Tue, 08 Nov 2022 00:21 GMT

I asked my 4 yr old if he was excited to be in his Uncle’s wedding To which he responded “yeah and I can’t wait to be the ring bear I have been practicing” and then proceeded to get on all fours and growl loudly at me. No plans to correct his understanding of his role

Jen Psaki (@jrpsaki)Sun, 06 Nov 2022 23:21 GMT

It's crazy that we'll probably never see Willem Dafoe as the Joker, what a missed opportunity dawg

gus 🦇 (@Guslivesagain)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 14:44 GMT

It’s been two years. We will never forget.

Jason Selvig (@jasonselvig)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 17:05 GMT

‘Comedy is now legal on twitter, unless you’re making fun of me’

Weird DreamBooth Generations (@WeirdDreamBooth)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 16:45 GMT

-----BEGIN PRIVATE KEY-----

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHRHRGRGRGRRRGURBHJB EORWPSOJWPJORGWOIRGWSGODEWPGOHEPW09GJEDPOKSD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!0924QU8T63095JRGHWPE09UJ0PWHRGW

Lady Gaga (@ladygaga)Wed, 07 Nov 2012 04:35 GMT

@mikko (@mikko)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 12:48 GMT

I'm not saying Mark Zuckerberg is a better person, but if you changed your name on Facebook to "Italian Mark Zuckerberg" and posted "I send a the calzone into the metaverse! Ohhhh!" he would never see it, and even if he did, he would not care, and would not do anything about it.

Unwinder (@UnwinderH)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 14:34 GMT

Elon Musk launches new twitter scented candle that smells like $44 billion going up in smoke

Elon Musk Fondles Dogs (@chaser)Tue, 08 Nov 2022 04:11 GMT

I just wanna give a shoutout to Elon Musk for vividly reminding us all of the dangers of America becoming an oligarchy.

Thomas E. Ricks (@tomricks1)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 17:39 GMT

Elon Musk just endorsed the Republican Party ahead of the Midterms. The head of Twitter supports a party that does not believe a woman has the right to an abortion even in the case of rape or incest. The billionaire CEO also wants senior citizens to lose their Social Security.

Dash Dobrofsky (@DashDobrofsky)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 16:43 GMT

i like how elon musk's strategy to fix twitter appears to be pulling every single lever at the same time

Molly White (@molly0xFFF)Tue, 08 Nov 2022 02:46 GMT

This is a superb visualization of European history (1500-2022).

Xavi Ruiz (@xruiztru)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 14:16 GMT

chandler seeing a poster for john wick 4

staid (@staidindoors)Tue, 08 Nov 2022 07:07 GMT

https://twitter.com/davidbrunelle/status/1589822594018312192

Hahahahahahhahahaa that’s gonna go great

emily freeman 🇺🇸🇺🇦 (@editingemily)Tue, 08 Nov 2022 03:49 GMT

i am already having a fun time in the new place

cube drone (@cube_drone)Tue, 08 Nov 2022 07:18 GMT

https://twitter.com/ArmlessKittyfox/status/1589751138441924610

Ugh, god.

Kelly Ellis (@justkelly_ok)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 22:57 GMT

https://twitter.com/justkelly_ok/status/1589749973994078208

A certain billionaire author recently tweeted that her royalty checks ease the pain of being universally hated for being a comic-book villain, so that's one data point to look at.

Aγάπη Kittyfox (@ArmlessKittyfox)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 22:46 GMT

https://twitter.com/davidbrunelle/status/1589822594018312192

Ah that means they’ll spend 80% of their time managing their team poorly managing and the other 80% writing subpar code. It’s a recipe for bad managers who are continuously overworked / on the brink of burnout. What could go wrong.

Gergely Orosz (@GergelyOrosz)Tue, 08 Nov 2022 06:38 GMT

Absolutely mind blowing: “any technical manager should expect to manage at least 20 individual contributors, while also spending at least half their time writing code.”

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Elon Musk has discussed putting all of Twitter behind a paywall theverge.com/2022/11/7/2344…

The Verge (@verge)Tue, 08 Nov 2022 01:52 GMT

David (@davidbrunelle)Tue, 08 Nov 2022 03:30 GMT

I wonder what it's like to be wealthy enough to have so much power, but to know, deep down, that absolutely nobody likes who you are and everyone is collectively making fun of you. I wonder if it feels remotely fulfilling, or just hopelessly empty

Kelly Ellis (@justkelly_ok)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 22:41 GMT

Of course, mid-column, the revelation that his wife is a landlord.

Mic Wright (@brokenbottleboy)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 20:55 GMT

RT @D__T_____

Italians: you shouldn't drink cappuccino after noon Me: you shouldn't elect Mussolini's descendants to parliament

Carol ⭐️ (@CarolSaysThings)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 20:46 GMT

What I'm hearing from inside Twitter: Several people who were let go on Friday, then asked to come back were given less than an hour as a deadline. Software engineers who got this call I know of all said "no" and the only ones who could eventually say "yes" are on visas. Also:

Gergely Orosz (@GergelyOrosz)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 20:09 GMT

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Let me get this straight. You lay them off. Realize you made a mistake and ask them to come back. Then have the audacity to only give them AN HOUR to respond?!?! THE AUDACITY.

twitter.com/gergelyorosz/s…

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What I'm hearing from inside Twitter: Several people who were let go on Friday, then asked to come back were given less than an hour as a deadline. Software engineers who got this call I know of all said "no" and the only ones who could eventually say "yes" are on visas. Also:

Gergely Orosz (@GergelyOrosz)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 20:09 GMT

Taylor Poindexter (@engineering_bae)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 21:58 GMT

How it started. How it’s going.

Jules Morgan 🇺🇸 (@glamelegance)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 17:01 GMT

there are no ads and we're just dunking on an evil billionaire maybe this is the communist dream

E. Alex Jung (probably) (@e_alexjung)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 18:59 GMT

i was born in the last century (20th) and i often work with people born in this century (21st). most children born today are likely to live into the next century (22nd). the work we all do today will affect the people of the 22nd century. think about that. #TheFutureIsNow

Mike Amundsen (@mamund)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 22:21 GMT

https://twitter.com/TheVeryHungryC/status/1589647270550458368

🎃Spooky_Man🎃 (@Toad_Man102)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 17:22 GMT

what the fuck

The Very Hungry Caterpillar (@TheVeryHungryC)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 15:53 GMT

[twitter corporate meeting where no one will bring up mastodon] it’s time to address the elephant relative in the room

Amy (@lolennui)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 19:44 GMT

twitter users stone age in 2022 hunter-gatherers 🤝 should we follow that mastodon??

Amy (@lolennui)Sun, 06 Nov 2022 00:56 GMT

how tf do people organize shit? im such a mess 😭😭

𝖛𝖎𝖔𝖑𝖊𝖙 𝖛𝖆𝖑𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖊 🏳️‍⚧️🖤 (@slutpilled)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 19:17 GMT

.@ElonMusk. This is a soldier of the 3rd Reich. This is a German soldier who swore an oath of allegiance and obedience to Adolph Hitler. This is a photo of a Nazi soldier. twitter.com/i/web/status/1…

Steve Schmidt (@SteveSchmidtSES)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 19:52 GMT

holy shit the onion held absolutely no punches

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Please Like Me bit.ly/3FSBY5w

The Onion (@TheOnion)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 16:32 GMT

cowboy cat (@skeletonpup)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 19:36 GMT

Doing my periodic Game of Thrones rewatch to take my mind off the election and getting mad at how the Starks would’ve been fine if they had just listened to Catelyn.

The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 19:54 GMT

I know multiple people who have been admitted to the hospital bc of overworking themselves. None of this is worth your LIFE.

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https://twitter.com/EmilyKager/status/1589682771261554688

+1000 this I had friends who fucking died from the grind back in 1999/2000. I was drinking vodka at 3am to get to sleep and sleeping under my desk. fucking STOP it. it's not healthy.

Adrian Chadd (@erikarn@mstdn.social) (@erikarn)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 18:19 GMT

Emily Kager (@EmilyKager)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 20:00 GMT

you don't have to sleep on office floors or work ridiculous hours to have a career in tech. especially if you're working for someone else demanding that you do that. sacrificing YOUR life and health for THEIR riches is not worth it. and the boundary crossing will never stop.

Emily Kager (@EmilyKager)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 18:14 GMT

RT @gonadic_io don't be sad it's over. be sad it happened.

Carol ⭐️ (@CarolSaysThings)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 13:56 GMT

https://twitter.com/JamieTanna/status/1589562672013611008

Thanks for reporting, all! This was indeed a Bridgy Fed bug. I've fixed it, feel free to try again. github.com/snarfed/bridgy…

Ryan Barrett (@schnarfed)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 17:25 GMT

https://twitter.com/annesecure/status/1588999064049549312

It’s a period, Michael. What could it cost, one tampon?

Elon Musk “(parody)” (@nowah)Sun, 06 Nov 2022 22:20 GMT

a CEO fucking with users' privacy settings should be illegal? is it illegal?

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Lmao I didn’t believe this until I started seeing his fucking tweets again. I’ve had him blocked for years twitter.com/shanhorandraws…

Butt Praxis (@buttpraxis)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 16:44 GMT

Cara (@caraesten)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 16:46 GMT

Lmao I didn’t believe this until I started seeing his fucking tweets again. I’ve had him blocked for years

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I’ve heard rumors of elon unblocking himself from accounts and its true! I’ve had him blocked and muted for 5 years and now he’s just muted 🥴world’s most cartoonishly pathetic billionaire

shan horan 🎷 🐛 (@shanhorandraws)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 01:17 GMT

Butt Praxis (@buttpraxis)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 16:44 GMT

I’ve heard rumors of elon unblocking himself from accounts and its true! I’ve had him blocked and muted for 5 years and now he’s just muted 🥴world’s most cartoonishly pathetic billionaire

shan horan 🎷 🐛 (@shanhorandraws)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 01:17 GMT

https://twitter.com/natfriedman/status/1589051044369420288

You mean like Heartbleed? “Near midnight on New Year’s Eve 2011, OpenSSL accidentally introduced a bug into the heartbeat routine.” buzzfeed.com/chrisstokelwal…

the apocalypse, but make it fashion. ✨ (@ElleArmageddon)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 16:43 GMT

No, this is how sev1 incidents are built. I don’t want the shitty output people deliver at 80+ hours/week. I want the best work my well-rested colleagues can do in a reasonable number of working hours. And I want people bringing the inspiration they find in outside interests.

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This is how great new things are built, more often than anyone has been willing to say during the last decade's cultural revolution in Silicon Valley. twitter.com/esthercrawford…

Nat Friedman (@natfriedman)Sun, 06 Nov 2022 00:24 GMT

the apocalypse, but make it fashion. ✨ (@ElleArmageddon)Mon, 07 Nov 2022 16:23 GMT