Dear fellow kids who put their homework in their backpack without a folder, how are you, where are u now

Commissioner 심 Sim (@eggpon__)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 03:42 GMT

Does anybody ever think about how fucked up it is how one the Matrix’s most iconic scenes is a guy in a black trenchcoat walking into a building and gunning down a bunch of civilians minding their business? Especially after Neo just learned like 300 non lethal martial arts.

No Context Movie Reviews (@KarlRatesMovies)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 11:29 GMT

https://twitter.com/georgelazenby/status/1614284867520397313

That’s a good point and not something I’d really considered as security guards over here are like glorified doorstops with no real power. I’d not made the connection they’re a stand in for the cops because of that and it certainly adds another layer I’d not thought of.

No Context Movie Reviews (@KarlRatesMovies)Sat, 14 Jan 2023 15:50 GMT

https://twitter.com/KarlRatesMovies/status/1613860889517756416

it's true, when I think of a civilian I think of an armed man in a uniform

name (@georgelazenby)Sat, 14 Jan 2023 15:34 GMT

Happy ass feast to all who celebrate ❤️

I would prefer not to (lolennui@mstdn.social) (@lolennui)Sat, 14 Jan 2023 15:10 GMT

My family has only just now discovered that Firefly is on Disney+ which means they’ve only just now discovered that I am a Disney Princess by default, I don’t make the rules, I am basically Ariel now

Jewel Staite (@JewelStaite)Sat, 14 Jan 2023 05:41 GMT

This is hilarious. Aldi created an Amazon-like “grab and go, zero staff” store in the Netherlands. Except no customers enter b/c to do so, you need to register *with a credit card*. The majority of the population in the Netherlands doesn’t have a credit card! They have debit.

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Aldi introduced an Amazon-like store in The Netherlands. You can grab your groceries and walk out. Cameras register what you take & auto-charge your creditcard. Zero friction. Except in a country where ppl don’t have creditcards & your app sucks 🤦🏻‍♂️

Jelle Prins (@jelleprins)Sat, 14 Jan 2023 09:08 GMT

Gergely Orosz (@GergelyOrosz)Sat, 14 Jan 2023 10:27 GMT

https://twitter.com/doomscroll_bot/status/1614135342940164097

WHAAAAA hot take

Oliver (@babeymnms)Sat, 14 Jan 2023 08:58 GMT

if playing a wizard game is more important to you than the trans community, don’t act surprised when some people no longer want to engage with you

saira (@sairaspooks)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 17:13 GMT

https://twitter.com/ask_aubry/status/1614116186408599552

Rapid eye blinks. For the men - this is what an extremely uncomfortable women looks like. She’s being nice (instinct) to avoid violence. This guy is making it clear the situation is far from over, he’ll keep changing tactics until she finds another gym. 😕

Darya Danesh (@daryad59)Sat, 14 Jan 2023 05:02 GMT

Hint: if she says no, that is not your cue to suggest a threesome with your wife 🙄

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The moment she tells him he makes her lose faith in men and marriage...

AskAubry 🦝 (@ask_aubry)Sat, 14 Jan 2023 04:24 GMT

Mistress Matisse (@mistressmatisse)Sat, 14 Jan 2023 07:28 GMT

The moment she tells him he makes her lose faith in men and marriage...

AskAubry 🦝 (@ask_aubry)Sat, 14 Jan 2023 04:24 GMT

This is the single most pathetic moment of my entire life

Paul Anthony Jones (@paulanthjones)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 13:00 GMT

Important update:

Sarah Drasner (@sarah_edo)Sat, 14 Jan 2023 00:48 GMT

https://twitter.com/TaylorLorenz/status/1614183646277308417

I think this is great! Tons of people look up to him and growing and evolving your opinions and becoming more inclusive is fantastic!

Taylor Lorenz (@TaylorLorenz)Sat, 14 Jan 2023 08:53 GMT

https://twitter.com/TaylorLorenz/status/1614183452886315010

In 2021 Keem said dating (legal and consenting) Gen Z women helped him understand why it’s important to respect someone’s pronouns. Said edgy fans who may get mad about this should “wake up, grow up and grow yourselves.”

Taylor Lorenz (@TaylorLorenz)Sat, 14 Jan 2023 08:52 GMT

Keemstar redemption arc

Taylor Lorenz (@TaylorLorenz)Sat, 14 Jan 2023 08:51 GMT

https://twitter.com/eddiejaoude/status/1614162367511764993

Caching of what?

David Flanagan (@rawkode)Sat, 14 Jan 2023 09:04 GMT

If you’re upset about woke M&Ms and gas stoves, wait until I tell you about the time the guy who bragged about grabbing women by the pussy incited a deadly attack on our Capitol and got 147 members of Congress to vote to overturn the results of an election he legitimately lost.

Jo 🌻 (@JoJoFromJerz)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 14:34 GMT

The masculine urge to carry in all your grocery bags in one trip and in one hand

j ❄ (@silvergelpen)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 21:42 GMT

there's only one way to find out if it's true

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What?

Visvge (@Sicclord1)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 22:22 GMT

Linus Tech Tips (@LinusTech)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 20:00 GMT

https://twitter.com/_chismosa_/status/1613598371771740161

I literally pictured them going from town to town on foot like Ash Ketchum 😂

Doing The Bending (@s404064)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 18:13 GMT

I walked into my interview today. The lawyer immediately said, "I'm not giving you this job." He picked up his phone, took a picture of my resume, and called eight of his lawyer friends, because his job was beneath my skill set and he knew I could do better. That's a good man.

Adelaide Gardner (@ohadelaide)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 19:57 GMT

https://twitter.com/MxRubyRailed/status/1613957958072950784

like…whose?

emily (**hiatus**) (@emilyst)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 17:57 GMT

https://twitter.com/MxRubyRailed/status/1613959423957020672

triple if you want it "ethically sourced"

Tim Banks: Principal VibeOps Engineer (@elchefe)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 20:06 GMT

someone DMed me asking me to send them a condom filled with cum. more than anything else i need u to understand the logistical difficulties of this request

✨💎 Ruby Railed 💎✨ (@MxRubyRailed)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 17:55 GMT

pb&drumstick

bizarre content (@bizarre_content)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 20:06 GMT

great example of why it’s not safe to tell people you’re autistic being limited to accepting only things you personally understand is an area of growth for you to consider if you feel comfortable saying things like this publicly your neurodivergent friends can read this too 🤷🏻‍♀️

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https://twitter.com/sammymowrey/status/1612996982515322884

All the responses are making me think of an ex friend who told me she has “lots of text templates” she uses because she has anxiety. I didnt tell her at the time that anxiety isn’t an excuse to treat people like youre a chatbot?

Sammy “Samuel” Mowrey (@sammymowrey)Wed, 11 Jan 2023 20:57 GMT

auntie histamine (@laurenancona)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 16:51 GMT

https://twitter.com/lockdownurlife/status/1613975937871118362

ngl, whenever I tell people all the things I do, and they're like "how do you have time/energy for it all!" and then they're like "I read 20 books this month" and I'm like

Tim Banks: Principal VibeOps Engineer (@elchefe)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 19:10 GMT

https://twitter.com/mdwelsh/status/1613346222894616576

This took me far too long to make.

Matt Welsh (@mdwelsh)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 06:39 GMT

did a scary thing this evening that might blow up in my face. got pizza to celebrate. still ill. send good vibes

maisie 💖 (@maisieccino)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 19:29 GMT

trans girlies: BE CAREFUL WHEN U PICK YOUR SURGEONS!! i got breast implants because i wanted to alleviate my chest dysphoria, but the incision scars, which are still there after 2+ years, have made my dysphoria even worse than before

violet valentine (@slutpilled)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 17:26 GMT

PLEASE put alt text on your screenshots of paragraphs of tiny text, nobody can read that shit

Ian Coldwater (@IanColdwater)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 19:28 GMT

realized i was wearing this halfway through my quarterly meeting with my boss today

kenzi (@kenzianidiot)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 02:13 GMT

Please do a fitcheck before getting on your next meeting. 😂🤣

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realized i was wearing this halfway through my quarterly meeting with my boss today

kenzi (@kenzianidiot)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 02:13 GMT

Lock Down Your Life (@lockdownurlife)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 19:31 GMT

"I hate only fans bc it allows women economic freedom and safety if they do sex work" is one helluva take.

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https://twitter.com/ActualCorn/status/1613943304869011458

Onlyfans causes widespread sex work because it allows women to safely and comfortably do it from their homes. I don't see how what I said was unreasonable.

AstolfoSMG (@AstolfoSmg)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 16:59 GMT

phoenix calida is not here for your shit (@uppittynegress)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 18:13 GMT

Sometimes that Boston accent slips out when you least expect it

Ellen Fleming (@EllenFlem)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 21:20 GMT

https://twitter.com/silvergelpen/status/1613930088244056066

Sharing interests with your spouse >

Honey (@benegotherit)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 16:08 GMT

hyper individualism is killing us collectively.

☭ from each, to each (@commiexmommie)Wed, 11 Jan 2023 23:50 GMT

If I found out my husband was not liking thirst traps on Twitter I would be so mad. Support women

Honey (@benegotherit)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 15:57 GMT