It does kinda suck to be a thousand miles away from family on Christmas day and not get a call from any of them. Luckily my brother and I planned a video call since everyone else was too busy for us childless ugly ducklings.

Shannon Morse (@Snubs)Mon, 26 Dec 2022 14:07 GMT

The Skeptic (@TheSkeptic4122)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 02:34 GMT

Partner: “What? You pee in the pool?” Me: “Yeah, sometimes… almost everyone does or is lying…” Partner: “Next time you’re in the pool let me stand near you.” Me:

Not Pokket 😈 (@NotPokket)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 22:00 GMT

if your autistic boyfriend is having trouble understanding you, just tell him your innermost emotional needs are being used as an encryption cipher by the Nazis

Liberation-Kun (@utsu__kun)Wed, 21 Dec 2022 21:07 GMT

Attached: 1 image @skipcloud@inane.chat good work! now there are only ten SEV-0's.

An apparition appears in your room, alongside a more successful looking doppelganger of yourself. Apparition: " - and THIS is what you would be!" Doppelganger: "Oh my god! Spare me these twisted visions, specter! I've learned my lesson!" (both vanish) You: Hey what the fuck

Plague Of Gripes (@PlagueOfGripes)Sun, 23 Dec 2018 12:45 GMT

If you live in the United States, here’s a fun fact: People in other countries much poorer than you have their own homes and free healthcare.

🅹🅾️🅴🆈աrecκ ☭ (@joeywreck)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 21:43 GMT

He talked about electric cars. I don't know anything about cars, so when people said he was a genius I figured he must be a genius. Then he talked about rockets. I don't know anything about rockets, so when people said he was a genius I figured he must be a genius. Now he talks about software. I happen to know a lot about software & Elon Musk is saying the stupidest shit I've ever heard anyone say, so when people say he's a genius I figure I should stay the hell away from his cars and rockets.

My son, who is a software engineer, just told me that people who know software just had their Elon Musk realization.

B Graham Disciple (@bgrahamdisciple)Mon, 26 Dec 2022 00:32 GMT

https://twitter.com/nypost/status/1602559215331147777

i love this for us

Brandon Wall (@Walldo)Tue, 13 Dec 2022 21:33 GMT

You’re supposed to

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Millennials, Gen Z more likely to call in sick at work: poll trib.al/hZYBwwm

New York Post (@nypost)Tue, 13 Dec 2022 07:01 GMT

The Jay Agenda 12/2/22 Union Hall (@JayJurden)Tue, 13 Dec 2022 12:51 GMT

Watching LOVE ACTUALLY for the seasonal viewing and Karl remains so bae

Hope Rehak (@HopeRehak)Mon, 26 Dec 2022 06:08 GMT

https://twitter.com/no_goblins/status/1607096216587829250

santa bout to go cookie monster on me

staid (@staidindoors)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 19:34 GMT

cut a hole in a plate and covered my penis with cookies, lying quietly waiting for santa

staid (@staidindoors)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 05:20 GMT

I love Jamie but she's taking the discourse the wrong way lol, nobody is saying that nepo babies can't be talented in their own right, but it's absurd for so many of them to never acknowledge that having famous parents did help and is part of why they're famous at all.

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Jamie Lee Curtis, the daughter of Oscar nominees Tony Curtis and Janet Leigh, on the current "nepo babies" discourse: "There are many of us. Dedicated to our craft. Proud of our lineage. Strong in our belief in our right to exist.” bit.ly/3hMKw4y

IndieWire (@IndieWire)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 13:00 GMT

Vanessa Clark (@FoxxyGlamKitty)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 17:36 GMT

https://twitter.com/FoxxyGlamKitty/status/1607067749548703744

I don't get why nepo babies pretend that we don't know who their parents are and why (and how) they expect us to not know or care, it's not realistic. There's nothing wrong with just admitting that yeah, I'm famous because my parents are so and so.

Vanessa Clark (@FoxxyGlamKitty)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 17:46 GMT

https://twitter.com/fake_api/status/1607111280493461511

Likes and retweets are signals for quality/well liked/popular tweets (quote tweets are more ambiguous and can be good or bad). View count is useless and only shows how dead the platform really is. Gives advertisers leverage to spend less, or reason to spend none.

Twіtter API (not parody) instagram: fake_api (@fake_api)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 20:29 GMT

View count is a useless metric. On YouTube views are counted based on view time to help determine what videos lots of people are enjoying. On Twitter it means someone scrolled past your tweet and maybe read it but maybe didn’t. Didn’t think it was worth retweeting or liking.

Twіtter API (not parody) instagram: fake_api (@fake_api)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 20:29 GMT

Throwback to the time the BBC asked Rage Against The Machine not to swear during a live Christmas broadcast.

No Context Brits (@NoContextBrits)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 20:41 GMT

Gotta love tech journalists who describe Mastodon as "that impossible-to-use website." First of all, it's an app. C'mon. Second of all, aren't these the same people who write breathless explainers about the wonder of cryptocurrencies, which are not only impossible to understand but literally built from bullshit?

fucked up looking food (@fuckedupfoods)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 21:09 GMT

Merry christmassssss!!!!!!!!

Meredith Bull (@meredithbull)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 21:40 GMT

A-Train just ran through a Santa

THE BOYS (@TheBoysTV)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 21:48 GMT

It's like 10,000 views when all you need is a like

reindeer dames ben flores (@limitlessjest)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 20:41 GMT

“The show is just beginning…” #DoctorWho returns in 2023 ❤️❤️➕🔷

Doctor Who (@bbcdoctorwho)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 18:24 GMT

Had a nice chat with someone who said he was homeless, which I assume must be some sort of clever tax avoidance scheme. #RishiSunak

Parody Rishi Sunak (@Parody_PM)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 11:42 GMT

Santa forgot to take a bite of a cookie because she had already brushed her teeth and now the kid won’t stop talking about it.

emily freeman (@editingemily)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 15:51 GMT

My brother seemingly routinely yells at the cat "what do you want kitty?" In my head I've started filling in "to overthrow the patriarchy and to not have my motives questioned all the time"

Captain Macho Pirate Mick Rackham.yarr🏴‍☠️ (@tw2113)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 16:59 GMT

Many have said they realized they actually needed to keep masking because of my posts. If my posts about the dangers of COVID can save one life, then it's worth it. We are all we have & we need to do our best to protect each other- especially when people are unaware of danger.

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Those of you who keep shouting into the void about the dangers of covid: what motivates you? I get the feeling most people dismiss us as jerks who like to lecture people.

DeviJustice@mastodon.social (@DeviJustice)Fri, 23 Dec 2022 13:08 GMT

Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 19:39 GMT

I must be losing weight. I bent down to take the goose out of the oven, stood up to carry it to the table, and my trousers fell down. No-one was able to stop laughing for long enough to take a picture, I'm glad to say.

Philip Pullman (@PhilipPullman)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 17:21 GMT

WholesomeMemes (@WholesomeMeme)Thu, 22 Dec 2022 22:30 GMT

I’m now getting roughly 20-30 approaches about placing ads on https://getblogging.org a day. I’m not doing it.

🎄🎊🎁✨ Merry Christmas, happy holidays, or simply a wonderful end of the year to everyone! Time to relax a bit, hug your loved ones, reminisce, …and work on your personal website! 🤓

Almost Time For The Kings Speech at 3pm whilst we're eating our Pigs In Blankets #kingsspeech #pigsinblankets

namelesszeus (@namelesszeus)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 14:27 GMT

No one expected that.... #KingsSpeech

St Peter (Parody of a dude who was Jesus's BFF) (@stpeteyontweety)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 15:34 GMT

Well, the #kingsspeech took a wild turn, but I'm all for it.

Aaron Kent (@GodzillaKent)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 15:25 GMT

Imagine if he brought Diana out

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King Charles' first-ever Christmas speech may have a 'surprise' trib.al/s4ww40p

New York Post (@nypost)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 16:18 GMT

Swagley Cooper (@_ednight)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 14:51 GMT

https://twitter.com/NoContextTrek/status/1607028432457682944

🎶Weyoun in a manger…🎶

RLJenkins (@rljenkarchi)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 15:05 GMT

Currently vacuuming with an Old Fashioned in hand because while I care about being helpful this holiday season, I also care about enjoying myself 😂

Taylor Poindexter (@engineering_bae)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 21:39 GMT

i feel attacked

Paris Marx (@parismarx)Sat, 24 Dec 2022 04:44 GMT

I mean what is more likely, that virtually EVERY PARENT is in on a giant global conspiracy, or that Santa is real.

Chris Nicholas (@DrChrisNicholas)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 13:01 GMT

Fuck off you Victorian Cockwomble. Go back to stealing toys from children. twitter.com/Jacob_Rees_Mog…

Scott (@ssxio)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 10:13 GMT

Merry Christmas to you all ❤️ This day taught me that love is an invincible force, an infinite source of positive energy that gives us the power to destroy even the strongest walls of despair, darkness and injustice.

Uppermost (@uppermostmusic)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 10:10 GMT

There are Tory MPs in Church today, dressed in their Sunday best. They will listen to The Good Samaritan parable and likely proclaim peace and love to all. Tomorrow they will go back to supporting the deportation of the most vulnerable & traumatised people to Rwanda.

Howard Beckett (@BeckettUnite)Sun, 25 Dec 2022 09:09 GMT