The masculine urge to carry in all your grocery bags in one trip and in one hand

j ❄ (@silvergelpen)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 21:42 GMT

there's only one way to find out if it's true

Post details

What?

Visvge (@Sicclord1)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 22:22 GMT

Linus Tech Tips (@LinusTech)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 20:00 GMT

https://twitter.com/_chismosa_/status/1613598371771740161

I literally pictured them going from town to town on foot like Ash Ketchum 😂

Doing The Bending (@s404064)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 18:13 GMT

I walked into my interview today. The lawyer immediately said, "I'm not giving you this job." He picked up his phone, took a picture of my resume, and called eight of his lawyer friends, because his job was beneath my skill set and he knew I could do better. That's a good man.

Adelaide Gardner (@ohadelaide)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 19:57 GMT

https://twitter.com/MxRubyRailed/status/1613957958072950784

like…whose?

emily (**hiatus**) (@emilyst)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 17:57 GMT

https://twitter.com/MxRubyRailed/status/1613959423957020672

triple if you want it "ethically sourced"

Tim Banks: Principal VibeOps Engineer (@elchefe)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 20:06 GMT

someone DMed me asking me to send them a condom filled with cum. more than anything else i need u to understand the logistical difficulties of this request

✨💎 Ruby Railed 💎✨ (@MxRubyRailed)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 17:55 GMT

pb&drumstick

bizarre content (@bizarre_content)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 20:06 GMT

great example of why it’s not safe to tell people you’re autistic being limited to accepting only things you personally understand is an area of growth for you to consider if you feel comfortable saying things like this publicly your neurodivergent friends can read this too 🤷🏻‍♀️

Post details

https://twitter.com/sammymowrey/status/1612996982515322884

All the responses are making me think of an ex friend who told me she has “lots of text templates” she uses because she has anxiety. I didnt tell her at the time that anxiety isn’t an excuse to treat people like youre a chatbot?

Sammy “Samuel” Mowrey (@sammymowrey)Wed, 11 Jan 2023 20:57 GMT

auntie histamine (@laurenancona)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 16:51 GMT

https://twitter.com/lockdownurlife/status/1613975937871118362

ngl, whenever I tell people all the things I do, and they're like "how do you have time/energy for it all!" and then they're like "I read 20 books this month" and I'm like

Tim Banks: Principal VibeOps Engineer (@elchefe)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 19:10 GMT

https://twitter.com/mdwelsh/status/1613346222894616576

This took me far too long to make.

Matt Welsh (@mdwelsh)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 06:39 GMT

did a scary thing this evening that might blow up in my face. got pizza to celebrate. still ill. send good vibes

maisie 💖 (@maisieccino)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 19:29 GMT

trans girlies: BE CAREFUL WHEN U PICK YOUR SURGEONS!! i got breast implants because i wanted to alleviate my chest dysphoria, but the incision scars, which are still there after 2+ years, have made my dysphoria even worse than before

violet valentine (@slutpilled)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 17:26 GMT

PLEASE put alt text on your screenshots of paragraphs of tiny text, nobody can read that shit

Ian Coldwater (@IanColdwater)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 19:28 GMT

realized i was wearing this halfway through my quarterly meeting with my boss today

kenzi (@kenzianidiot)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 02:13 GMT

Please do a fitcheck before getting on your next meeting. 😂🤣

Post details

realized i was wearing this halfway through my quarterly meeting with my boss today

kenzi (@kenzianidiot)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 02:13 GMT

Lock Down Your Life (@lockdownurlife)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 19:31 GMT

"I hate only fans bc it allows women economic freedom and safety if they do sex work" is one helluva take.

Post details

https://twitter.com/ActualCorn/status/1613943304869011458

Onlyfans causes widespread sex work because it allows women to safely and comfortably do it from their homes. I don't see how what I said was unreasonable.

AstolfoSMG (@AstolfoSmg)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 16:59 GMT

phoenix calida is not here for your shit (@uppittynegress)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 18:13 GMT

Sometimes that Boston accent slips out when you least expect it

Ellen Fleming (@EllenFlem)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 21:20 GMT

https://twitter.com/silvergelpen/status/1613930088244056066

Sharing interests with your spouse >

Honey (@benegotherit)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 16:08 GMT

hyper individualism is killing us collectively.

☭ from each, to each (@commiexmommie)Wed, 11 Jan 2023 23:50 GMT

If I found out my husband was not liking thirst traps on Twitter I would be so mad. Support women

Honey (@benegotherit)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 15:57 GMT

we’ve completed the internet.

rainbolt (@georainbolt)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 00:18 GMT

Working in a large tech company, one thing I wish every team had (but barely any have it): A “map” of the teams that you depend on, that depend on you, and ones that are coupled to your work in one way or the other. One map for engineering teams; another for non-eng ones.

Gergely Orosz (@GergelyOrosz)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 15:46 GMT

Stephen Toast (Matt Berry) is chosen to narrate Prince Harry's new book

Post details

What the actual fuck have I just heard

Shirley Carter’s Pussy (@shirlpuzz)Wed, 11 Jan 2023 15:00 GMT

Ben Kearns (@BenKearns6)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 18:50 GMT

It’s Friday the 13th and this was my weight this AM. No big deal 😂

Taylor Poindexter (@engineering_bae)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 16:15 GMT

I am BEGGING you to watch this TikTok a dude has rarely rocked even half this hard

Meat Davidson (@BevsNotGuilty)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 01:29 GMT

whoever named toddlers absolutely crushed it those guys are toddlin for sure

tim h. (@nottahmit)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 16:16 GMT

“I’m a jack of all trades, master of none” is such a cute little way to say you have adhd

ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 14:02 GMT

(most disappointed I’ve ever been in my life) no worries!

🏴‍☠️ (@cursedkief)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 17:55 GMT

the tim reaper (@HydrationChimp)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 14:18 GMT

I'm alone in the house, the dog's not around as he's at daycare Why do I still feel the need to wear noise cancelling headphones?!

Just put in my first PR at my new job :)

Are the men ok? What an odd little take.

Post details

There's nothing funnier than a fully grown man carrying a rucksack. Got all your little things in there have you mate? Grow up

Dan (@leathergregory)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 07:17 GMT

Lex Lofthouse (@Loftio)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 10:52 GMT

Tempted to register howtocenteradiv.com and have it display an extremely basic code snippet that will, y’know, center a div. So next time someone makes That Joke about how it’s impossible, you can just link them to that

the cost of remote work is the loss of the ability to pull a coworker for an innocent coffee walk-and-talk that quickly turns into a tea-spilling vent sesh

Jennifer Kim (@jenistyping)Wed, 11 Jan 2023 21:00 GMT

I got my official email. I am actually sobbing.

Josie (@javavvitch)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 22:20 GMT

I’m not doing that 2019/2023 thing bc I have aged ten thousand years

Hope Rehak (@HopeRehak)Fri, 13 Jan 2023 05:38 GMT

https://twitter.com/nyxeIodeon/status/1613290554195955731

"I've broken my leg!" "Stop self diagnosing, you're making a bad name for real people with legs 😩"

🏳️‍⚧️🌴 ANGELTHING 🌴🏳️‍⚧️ (@PUPPYGIRLFEMBOY)Thu, 12 Jan 2023 11:46 GMT

https://twitter.com/nyxeIodeon/status/1613290554195955731

you have to.. come to the doctor and say “oh i think i have xyz” for them to test you for it. that’s how it works literally every time you go to the doctor

Pussy Van Faggot (@nyxeIodeon)Wed, 11 Jan 2023 21:43 GMT

“self diagnosis isn’t real” do you know how going to the doctor as an adult works

Pussy Van Faggot (@nyxeIodeon)Wed, 11 Jan 2023 21:43 GMT

sunrise sunrise

I think my favorite use of emoji responses on Slack/Discord/etc is when someone just latches onto a particular word in a message and attaches its emoji, with no semantic content intended. E.g. someone'll say "Sorry, the bus is running late" and someone else will just slap a 🚌 on there to confirm that they did indeed notice and recognize the word "bus"